Ano Toki no Bokura wa
by Shirohane
Summary: After the loss of his most precious thing, Naruto becomes insane. And the only thing Sasuke can do is to watch him, fearing that Naruto will be broken if touched. Sasuke x Naruto.
1. Selfishness

Disclaimer: _The anime/manga series _Naruto_ belongs to Kishimoto Masashi, Shueisha, TV Tokyo, GAINAX, etc. The author of this specific fiction claims no connection to neither the creation nor the sales of the said work of animation. _

Note: _It is assumed that Naruto-tachi are 19 in this fan fiction. This fan fiction is not an A.U.; rather, it is a parallel world to the real _Naruto_ storyline. "Ano Toki no Boku-ra wa" means something along the lines of "at that time, we were..."_

* * * * *

__

I have a friend named Uzumaki Naruto. He is nineteen years old, like I am. However, he is completely different from me. He's loud, annoying, and a dunce on top of that. He always rush into things without thinking and gets hurt. As long as his friends are safe, he's happy, no matter how much he himself had suffered. He truly is a dimwit.

And unfortunately, I'm in love with him.

* * * * *

Chapter One: - Selfishness-

* * * * *

Sasuke stepped around the ice-coated side walk. His feet trod upon the grass, which was also caked with snow. The snow and grass crunched underneath his feet. Sasuke frowned as another gust of dry and chilling wind ruffled through his hair. He buttoned up his coat.

"Come on, Sasuke! You're so slow!"

Sasuke lifted his head to glare at Naruto. Naruto was good three meters ahead of him, and was still recklessly running on top of the ice. He looked delighted with the freezing weather. The old saying must be true-- that fools do not catch cold. Naruto had turned around to expectantly look back at Sasuke, huge smile pasted on his face.

"I thought you had something you wanted to tell me," Sasuke quietly said, stepping around a frozen puddle. Naruto waved his hands carelessly.

"Right, but it's been such a long time since the last time I met you! I thought we could take a nice, long walk together, you know? Brush up on our friendship and stuff. Doing guy stuff." Naruto anxiously watched Sasuke's face. "You don't want to?"

"That's besides the point. We'll freeze to death out here. Did you not notice we're the only ones outside?" Sasuke asked, neither his expression nor the tone of his voice changing. But Naruto knew Sasuke enough to know that the other boy was mildly annoyed. Naruto finally troubled himself enough to looked around, and sheepishly laughed.

"Hey, what do you know! You're right!"

"I'm always right," Sasuke retorted. Naruto gave him an annoyed look, but he still smiled. Naruto waited for Sasuke to catch up to him, using the time to study the sky. The winter sky seemed very close to the ground. It was metallic gray, even though there wasn't a cloud in sight. Sasuke wordlessly gazed at the sky with Naruto. Naruto suddenly spun around to face Sasuke, his hands clasped above his head. 

"Actually, I have a favor to ask of you!"

Sasuke looked slightly taken back. "What is it?" He asked. Even he couldn't hide the curiosity seeping in his voice.

"Well, you know next week Monday will mark exactly ten years since I've known Sakura-chan, right?" Naruto asked. Sasuke nodded, still at a loss as to what Naruto might want from him. Naruto looked embarrassed and avoided Sasuke's eyes as he rushed out, "Um, well, I want to get her something, but I don't know what to get her. So... Will you please help me choose the gift? I'm sure your tastes are a lot more sophisticated than mine."

Sasuke sighed. "Ask someone else."

"Please, Sasuke! You're the only one that I can ask this kind of favor! Please!" Naruto begged, tugging at Sasuke's shirt sleeve. "Shikamaru will say it's too troublesome! Gaara will cut off my head! Please!"

Sasuke bit down on his lower lip. Something flashed in his eyes, but it was quickly extinguished. "Fine..."

"All right! Thanks, Sasuke!" Naruto cried, his eyes lighting up. As Naruto started to run ahead, Sasuke gazed at his turned back, his eyes containing overflowing emotions that he could not quite suppress. He lowered his head.

"Naruto," he whispered. "That's also the anniversary of our ten years together, you know..."

* * * * *

Ino looked startled. "You give up?!"

Sakura nodded, her head resting on her hands. She stared at the tree outside the window. The tree had icicles hanging down from the branch. The branches have been stripped of leaves, but the icicles caught the sunlight and gave a hallow beauty to the tree.

"I'm tired now," Sakura said. "I'm tired of chasing after Sasuke-kun. He never looks at me, never talks to me-- never acknowledges me. I'm going to wake up from my dreams and face the reality. I'll stop trying to catch a daydream."

"What makes Naruto a reality and Sasuke a dream?" Ino questioned, frowning. Sakura lightly laughed.

"Well... Naruto can be reached. He really might love me. I want to be loved, that's all." Sakura's voice softened to volume only slightly louder then a whisper. "even if I'm lying to both myself and Naruto... Even though I know it's a cruel thing to do... I don't want to feel like I don't exist anymore."

Ino shook her head. "You'll be cursed, you know. To toy with people's feelings like that. That selfish wish of yours will bring pain to many people."

Sakura looked at Ino. She was on the verge of tears. Her eyes were bright. "Even so, I want to love and be loved in return at least once in my lifetime. Even if I'm hated later for being cruel like this." Sakura tried to smile. "Even if I end up hating myself later..."

* * * * *

"Look, this one is cute, too!" Naruto said, holding up a small brown teddy bear. Sasuke stared at it.

"It looks pissed."

Naruto turned the bear around to stare at its expression. "Hey, it does! Reminds me of you!"

Sasuke scoffed and lightly smacked Naruto with the bear he himself had been examining. Sasuke's bear was tan-colored, and was happily smiling. "Why does that automatically make you think of me? I don't look pissed off all the time."

"Apparently, you haven't had a trip to a mirror for quite a while," Naruto retorted. Sasuke raised the bear to hit Naruto again, but Naruto dodged this time and stuck his tongue out at Sasuke.

"Missed!" Naruto teased. Sasuke tossed the bear down and swung his left hand, managing to smack Naruto's blind side. "Aw!"

"Serves you right," Sasuke said, smirking. A teddy bear hit him right on the face before he had a chance to wipe the smirk off his face.

"Loser," Naruto said, chuckling. He squeaked as Sasuke advanced on him with murderous eyes.

"Why you..."

"You started it!" Naruto protested. Sasuke got him in a headlock anyway. The two laughed and playfully wrestled until Sasuke finally noticed that the shopkeeper was staring at them. He abruptly let go of Naruto. Naruto landed on his behind and started to complain, but Sasuke thrust a teddy bear at his face.

"Let's just buy one and get the hell out of here. It's embarrassing enough that nearly grown boys are at doll shop without us making fool of ourselves even more."

Naruto took the teddy bear and stared at it. It was fluffy and light pink in color. There was a cherry blossom pendant tied to the ribbon around its neck. "Oh, wow," Naruto breathed. "This is perfect!"

Naruto leaped up from his seat, holding the bear at an arm's length. "But are you sure that girls like dolls?"  
"I don't know. I heard rumors that they do," Sasuke said. Naruto shrugged in return and wandered off to pay for the bear. Sasuke intently stared down at the bear with a frown on its face. He picked it up and placed it next to the smiling tan-colored teddy bear. Then he walked away to join Naruto at the cash register.

* * * * *

Sakura tapped the frozen ground with the hell of her shoes. The ice chipped away until the heel of her shoes tapped against the ground underneath the thin ice layer. She gathered her hands together and gently blew on them to warm them up. She looked up when a shadow loomed over her.

"Naruto," She said, managing a small smile. Naruto broadly grinned back. Sakura moved over on the bench, and Naruto gratefully plopped down into the vacant seat. "You wanted to see me?"

Naruto nodded, blushing. "Um, I just wanted to give you something."

"Why?" Sakura curiously asked. "Is today a special day?"

Naruto looked slightly disappointed, but he slapped a smile back on his face. "It's been exactly ten years that we've known each other!"

"Oh," Sakura said, embarrassed. "Sorry, I--"

"That's okay." Naruto said. He handed her a crudely rapped gift. Sakura carefully took the strange-shaped entity from him and pulled the wrapping papers apart. Inside was a teddy bear who regarded her with solemn red eyes. Sakura couldn't help the bright smile that rose to her lips. 

"Oh, Naruto... It's adorable! Thank you!"

Naruto, who was hopefully looking at Sakura, looked absolutely delighted. Had he been a puppy, he would have wagged his tail furiously. "You like it?"

"I really like it," Sakura replied, hugging the bear's soft body. She smiled at Naruto. "Naruto."

"Yeah?" Naruto asked, looking pleased with himself at being smart enough to ask Sasuke for help.

"You've asked me out few times, right?"

"...yeah?" Naruto asked, his face clouding a bit when he was reminded of the rejections. Sakura had always been cold to him. But she was smiling this time.

"Is the offer still valid?"

Naruto gawked at Sakura. "Then, then...." he stammered, his face getting redder by the minute. Sakura nodded.

"Please go out with me, Naruto."

"Sakura-chan!" Naruto happily cried. He suddenly stood up to pick Sakura up and swing her around in the air. Sakura shrieked with laughter. And she convinced herself that she had made the right decision.

* * * * *

Sasuke stared at the sky. Naruto and Sakura's laughing voices hurt him, yet he continued to listen. His hands clutched at the trunk of the tree that he was hiding behind, because Sasuke was sure that his legs will fail on him.

"I like you so much, Naruto," Sasuke softly said. His words rose in the air with his breath as thick white vapor, then quickly dispersed into the air. It was a while before Sasuke opened his lips again. "It's all right even if I'm left in winter forever. It's all right even if I get buried in the snow and freeze to death. So God, please let Naruto always be in spring. Let him have even my share of happiness. Let him find his true happiness with his beloved cherry blossom..."

Sasuke stared up into the empty sky.

"Please let him be happy..."

* * * * *

Babble

The first fan fiction of the year 2004! It's exactly 11:48 PM of December of 2003 right now! ^.^ I really hope "Ano Toki no Boku-ra wa" becomes a good story. It'll be a lot more angsty and romantic then the last Naruto fan fiction I wrote, I think. 

"Manazashi wa Eien ni" just finished and I'm already starting a new fan fiction... I really am a freak! ^^;; This story is actually the fan comic I did of Gundam Wing quite a while back named "Kizu" . I never got to finish the fan comic for various reasons, so I want to finish this storyline using Naruto characters this time. The stories are quite similar, but of course they have their differences. After all, Uchiha Sasuke and Duo Maxwell are very, very different people. ^^;; And of course, Gundam Wing and Naruto are completely different works of animations...

You can read the doujinshi(fan comic) that this fan fiction is based on, but it'll probably be a spoiler as to what would happen. 

http:// www .geocities .com /hiirowing3 /kizu1_00 .html

Have a happy, prosperous, and healthy new year, everyone! ^_^


	2. Scar

__

I really wanted Naruto to be happy. It was all right even if I died all alone. As long as Naruto was happy, I was happy, too. So I wished from the bottom of my heart that he would find his happiness. Even if I got hurt because of his happiness, that did not matter to me. Because I had fallen in love with him. Because he meant so much to me.

And as soon as I wished that, the endless nightmare started. The 'wish' of accursed one like me turned out to be the worst kind of pain to my beloved. And there was nothing I could do for him. 

Because if I touched him, he would break.

* * * * *

Chapter Two: - Scar-

* * * * *

Naruto leaned against the telephone poll, his hands shoved into the pockets of his pants. His unbuttoned jacket frailly danced in the wind whenever a particularly strong gust rushed by. He looked up when someone approached him, but his face fell at the identity of the person.

"Oh... Sasuke."

Sasuke gave a sideways look to Naruto, then placed his hand against Naruto's cheek. His skin felt cold. Naruto's lips were blue, and he was shivering. "You're freezing your ass off here. What are you doing out here anyway?"

"I'm waiting for Sakura-chan!" Naruto cheerfully said. "We were supposed to go to the movies together, but she must have gotten the time wrong!"

Sasuke did not choose to comment upon Naruto's stupidity. He must have waited for hours to make even his skin feel cold. Sasuke lightly sighed and started to button up Naruto's jacket. "Did you try calling her?"

"But if I leave, she could come by and she would have to wait," Naruto protested. "It's really cold; I don't want her to catch cold or anything."

"You'll catch a pneumonia," Sasuke snapped. He pulled off his scarf and wrapped it around Naruto's neck. "You're old enough to take care of yourself, aren't you? Even if you're a dunce, even you should know that."

Naruto grinned. "They say fools don't catch cold."

Point taken. Sasuke snorted. "What about pneumonia?"

Naruto shrugged, then wrapped his arms around Sasuke and buried his face into Sasuke's chest. "It's really cold." He smiled against Sasuke's shirt, taking hold of Sasuke's hand with his hands. "Sasuke, you're really warm! You're like a human heater! Even your hand is warm!" 

"Get off of me," Sasuke half-heartedly said, lightly smacking Naruto's head with his free hand. Naruto didn't budge. Sasuke relented and let Naruto warm himself up. Few minutes trickled by before Sasuke broke the silence. "Do you want to borrow my cell phone?"

Naruto pulled away from Sasuke and gratefully nodded. As Sasuke fished out his phone from his pocket, he dryly commented, "You really like Sakura, don't you."

Naruto nodded, blushing slightly. He smiled up at Sasuke. "Don't you have someone that you like, Sasuke?" Sasuke hesitated, then slowly nodded. Naruto looked delighted. "Are you going to introduce that person to me someday?"

Sasuke gave a little smile to Naruto. "Well... I think that'd be impossible. This is one-sided love on my part, so..." He ruffled up Naruto's hair. "That child likes someone else."

"I know exactly how you feel," Naruto softly said. He cheered up. "But never give up! Since Sasuke is such a great guy, I'm sure that person will also grow to love Sasuke someday, too! I mean come on, you're Uchiha Sasuke! Who can resist you?"

Sasuke chuckled. "Well... I'm not sure about that..." He handed Naruto his phone. "Make it fast; don't raise my phone bill."

"You probably don't pay any more than the basic fee anyway," Naruto said, sticking his tongue out. "Besides, I..."

"Naruto!" Sakura cried, running towards the two. She paused to take a deep breath, then sheepishly smiled at Naruto. "Sorry... I made you wait long, didn't I?"

"No, it's okay!" Naruto brightly said. He handed Sasuke's phone back to him. "Thank you for letting me borrow it, Sasuke."

Sasuke nodded and glanced at Sakura. She was studying his face. She startled when their eyes met and guiltily turned away. Sasuke turned and started to walk away. Sakura stared at his turned back, then forced a smile on her face as she turned back to Naruto. "I set the alarm clock wrong; I'm so sorry for making you wait. Come on, I'll make it up to you."

"I didn't wait long anyway," Naruto happily said. He held out his hand to Sakura. Sakura hesitated, then took hold of his hand. She immediately cringed and pulled her hand away. Naruto's hand was cold. Naruto looked hurt and Sakura regretted her actions. She tried to take his hand again, but Naruto walked ahead.

"Let's go."

"...right," Sakura said. She turned her head to look at Sasuke's faint form, then looked back at Naruto and hurried after him. Naruto was looking down at his hands.

'...Sasuke didn't pull away when I held his hand...'

* * * * *

Sasuke took another swig from the _sake_ bottle. The alcohol tasted bitter. He frowned at the bottle. Damned cheap alcohols. He stared at his room's ceiling. He almost never looked at his room's ceiling. It made him feel trapped. But today he studied each crack and paint mark upon the blank white ceiling, then shuddered and raised the _sake_ bottle to his lips again. He cursed when he discovered it empty and tossed it to the corner of his room. He fumbled around his room, looking for another bottle of _sake_, but to his dismay he only found few empty bottles. He groaned and collapsed onto the blanket, burying his head into it. Perhaps he was drunk enough to sleep away the entire day. 

There was tapping noise at his window. "F*** off," Sasuke snarled, burying his head further into the blanket. There was a pause, then the window was pulled out of its hinges and tossed to the floor as the person stepped into his room. Sasuke raised his head to glare at the intruder. Kakashi mutely stared back at him and eyed the scattered bottles of sake, then spotted a full bottle and picked it up. He popped it open and plopped down next to Sasuke.

"Is there a problem I should know about?" He coolly asked, taking a sip of the alcohol. He made a face. "...this tastes bad."

"Then don't drink it," Sasuke grumpily said. "What the hell do you want? I'm going to sleep."

"There was an A-ranked mission assigned to team 7, but you can decline," Kakashi said, taking another sip of the alcohol. "Naruto and Sakura already accepted, by the way."

Sasuke sighed and sluggishly pulled himself up. "And you really expect me to leave those two to an A-ranked mission by themselves, right?" He frowned as Kakashi's exposed eye danced with hidden laughter. "When and what is it?"

"It's to escort the hokage to the Hidden Mist Village," Kakashi said. "Of course, you guys won't be only ones escorting her. There will be two other teams with you. It's next Wednesday."

"Sounds easy," Sasuke said, leaning against the wall. "I accept. Now will you please leave so that I can sleep this alcohol away?"

"How many bottles did you drink?" Kakashi asked, looking around the room. 

"Lost count after three," Sasuke replied. Kakashi glanced at him. "...I know I'm not being myself. Leave me alone."

"Is it a girl?" Kakashi asked. He stared down at the sake bottle, then tossed it to the garbage can. It hit the side of the garbage can with a dull thud, and Sasuke frowned.

"No. And don't throw away alcohol like that. You have to empty the liquid out first, and the bottle has to be recycled." Sasuke looked up at Kakashi. "...say, did you ever have someone that you liked?"

"That person died in a mission," Kakashi said. Sasuke's eyes widened. He hesitated before asking his next question.

"Were you angry that you were not able to be happy with that person?"

Kakashi nodded. "I was angry at that person for dying on me. Because love is another form of possession, isn't it? You would want the one you love to only look at you, only love you. It hurts when that doesn't happen."

Sasuke nodded. "It hurts." He buried his head in his arms. "It hurts so much..."

* * * * *

"I feel dizzy."

Sasuke sighed and gave an annoyed look to Naruto. "Why did you accept this mission in the first place when you were in such a bad condition?"

"But I couldn't just stay home by myself when Sakura-chan accepted this mission," Naruto whined. He coughed, then grimaced as he massaged his temples. "My head hurts..."

Sasuke placed his hand on Naruto's forehead and his own forehead, comparing the temperature between them. "You have a fever, dimwit. Did you eat breakfast this morning?"

Naruto nodded. "Cereal..."

"That's not even a proper breakfast!" Sasuke exploded. Naruto winced at the loud voice, and Sasuke immediately lowered his voice. "We've almost reached our destination, so just bear it a little longer. You can buy some medicine once we're at the Hidden Mist."

Sudden explosion cut off their conversation. The entire group, including the fifth hokage, froze. The soldiers immediately pulled out their weaponries. There were rumors that a radical group would attempt to assassinate the Hidden Leaf Village's leader to cause a turmoil between two of the strongest of hidden villages, but the attack still caught the group by surprise. Sasuke gave a worried look to Naruto, who shook his head. Damned if he ran away from a fight, even if he was dying of fever. 

"They're using bombs and possibly other long-range weapons," Tsunade worriedly said. "Are our enemies even ninjas?"

"There had been movements before to attempt to wipe out all the ninjas," Neji quietly said. "Considering they chose to use a bomb instead of _ninjutsu_, current assumption is that they are not _shinobi_."

"Sniff 'em out, Akamaru," Kiba said, lowering his faithful companion to the ground. The dog yelped in excitement as he started to sniff the ground, following the faint scent of enemy humans. A shower of bullets sliced through the air, and there was a piercing scream.

"Sakura-chan!" Naruto cried, turning around to run to Sakura. Sakura was kneeled over the ground. Sasuke grimaced at the wound. It seemed to have pierced right into her heart. Sakura was heavily coughing up blood as her windpipe clogged with blood. Tsunade was intently looking at the wound, but she frowned and shook her head. Sakura's eyes wavered. Naruto numbly stared at Sakura's wound, feeling his knees weak underneath him. "Why... why are you shaking your head?" Naruto choked out. "She... she's going to be okay, right? It's just... just one hit..."

Sakura felt a pang in her heart as she saw Naruto's eyes fill with tears. She gently placed her blood-stained hand against his cheek. "Don't cry for me, Naruto... I lied to you... I don't deserve your tears..." 

Naruto questioningly looked at her. Sakura tried to smile, but her expression contorted with pain. "The truth is... I hate you. I really, really hate you. Because..." She turned her head to the side to cough up more blood. "Sasuke-kun acknowledged you the way he'd never... acknowledge me... The one I like... is Sasu..."

"Shut up!!" Sasuke screamed, his face paling. But tears were already spilling over Naruto's eyes. Naruto wordlessly raised his hand to wrap it around Sakura's hand. Sakura was looking at him with expression of pity and guilt, her own eyes filling with tears.

"I just wanted to be loved..."

She suddenly pushed Naruto away, splintering towards Sasuke. Sasuke stared at her with expression of utter contempt and disgust, but Sakura smiled. Then she pushed Sasuke out of the way as a bomb sailed towards them.

The bomb landed squarely on Sakura's body. Everyone watched in horror as she exploded along with the bomb, blood scattering everywhere. There was a horrified scream as Kiba and Shino discovered the culprits and took revenge for the death of their fellow soldier, but it was already too late. Sakura had died. And she had told the cruel truth to Naruto.

"...Naruto," Sasuke softly said, kneeling over him. Naruto did not respond. Sasuke gently shook his shoulder, trying to rouse him. "Naruto. Naruto, take a hold of yourself. This place isn't safe."

"She died," Naruto softly said. He stood up and hovered over to piece of Sakura's corpse, carefully picking up her decapitated head and embracing it tightly. "Because... I wasn't strong... Couldn't protect her... Even her corpse... not in one piece... Died... My fault... Because... I couldn't..."

"Naruto, stop that!" Sasuke yelled, slapping Naruto's face. Naruto numbly looked up at Sasuke, still holding Sakura's head in his arms. Tears were running down his cheeks. Everyone was covered in Sakura's blood, but Naruto was steeped in her blood. He gave a dull look to Sasuke, then lowered his head again.

"Look, Sasuke... She died... She..."

"Naruto," Sasuke helplessly said. Naruto was trembling violently, sitting among puddles of Sakura's blood and body parts.

"UWAAAAA!!!" Naruto screamed and sobbed. "Aaaaa....aaa..."

The forest echoed Naruto's screams. No one responded. But tears were also running down Sasuke's cheeks.

* * * * *

If you like Sakura, I apologize. This was necessary for the storyline. It would take really a huge event to make Naruto insane. So... here it is. Rejection from his most beloved, and also the death of his most beloved. I think I would also lose my sanity in such a circumstance. After all, it hurt so much when a friend I really liked told me that she actually hated me. I can not even imagine how Naruto is feeling right now.

I recognize a lot of my readers from "Manazashi wa Eien ni". Welcome back! And nice to meet you, if we've never met before. ^^ 

I think drinking age was 19 or 20 in Japan, but don't quote me on that. ^^;; They're actually pretty strict in enforcing the age limit on alcohol, so I have no idea how Sasuke managed to get alcohol. Maybe he death-threatened the shop owner. ^^;; By the way, cheap _sake_ really does taste disgusting. And it's pretty strong(it's a lot stronger then beer), so it gives you a hell of hang-over the morning after... X_x

I'm not sure if Hidden Leaf actually has cell phone, but almost everyone in Japan nowadays have cell phone. Besides, Hidden Leaf had VCR and television, so it wouldn't be strange if they had cell phones. The question actually would be rather or not Sasuke would have a cell phone. I doubt he'll call anyone for a nice chat, but I think he would have one for emergencies. And I really think he'd care about recycling his sake bottles. *laughs* 


	3. Sorrow

__

What I wanted was his soul. What I got was his body. His eyes are hallow. His voice is cold. His blood is warm. Death is in his eyes. Where is his soul? I can't reach him. No matter how much I cry, no matter how much I try to grasp him in my arms, he's no longer here. I can't find him.

I love you, Naruto. Please return to me. Please break out of your sorrow...

* * * * *

Chapter Three: - Sorrow-

* * * * *

Naruto stared down at his hands. His hands were neatly folded on top of his lap. His hair fell over his eyes, but he made no attempt to brush it away. Warm sunlight filtered through the curtains and lit up his profile. He looked like a deeply thinking angel. But his face was expressionless.

"Naruto," Sasuke softly said, placing his hand on Naruto's shoulder. "Naruto, breakfast is ready. I even made fish-cake soup. Naruto?"

Naruto raised his lifeless eyes to Sasuke. He stared at Sasuke as if he was a stranger, then returned to staring at his hands. Sasuke tried again.

"If you can't swallow anything, I'll make the rice into porridge. Do you want me to bring the food here? You have to take your medication, Naruto."

"I don't want to."

Sasuke cringed at the hallow voice. Sasuke kneeled down until he could meet his eyes with Naruto's eyes. Empty blue pools stared back into his serious black eyes blankly. "When do you want to eat it, then?"

"I'm going to die, so I don't need food," Naruto stubbornly said. "And I don't need any stupid medicines, either."

Sasuke took a deep breath. 'Calm down, Uchiha,' he told himself. Patience. Patience was a virtue. The last thing he needed to do was to provoke Naruto. 

"I wonder whether poison or a stab from kunai would kill me more quickly. Maybe this stupid cold is going to be enough to kill me," Naruto bitterly muttered. "Or maybe..."

Forget patience. "What's wrong with you?!" Sasuke snapped, tightly grasping Naruto's shoulders with his hands. Naruto kept his eyes lowered. "Do you think you are the only one who is suffering?! She was my teammate, too! For f***ing ten years! How about her other friends? Her parents? And she didn't even like you! She hated you, damn it!!"

Naruto lifted his head. His eyes were narrowed. Then Naruto's fist squarely connected with Sasuke's face. Sharp stinging pain rose up his cheek. Sasuke immediately regretted what he had spat out. Naruto's eyes were blazing with anger.

"That is precisely why I wish to die! Because I am a reject! The first person I liked... Hated me... Died because I couldn't protect her... I'm so weak..." Naruto started to cry again. Sasuke silently cursed. He really was horrible at comforting someone. He tried to wipe Naruto's tears away, but Naruto slapped his hand away. "Don't touch me! Stop being nice to me! You're laughing at me, aren't you?! Even at the end, Sakura-chan said she wanted to be with you!"

"I don't have any interest in her that way!" Sasuke snapped back. "Fine, just go and die if that's what you want! What do I care?!"

Sasuke practically ran away from the room. Naruto's crying sounds followed him, haunting him. Reaching his own room, Sasuke banged his head on the wall until he felt blood trickling down from his forehead.

"F*** it all," he cursed. "Why? Why?! God, why?! Why Naruto?! Why..."

He slowly slid down until his knees touched the floor, his eyes tightly closed. "Naruto... Poor, poor Naruto..."

* * * * *

Kakashi slowly poured the _sake_ down on the grave, his free hand buried in his pants pocket. The newly dug grave still had fresh earth on top. Grass didn't have a chance growing in such a hostile weather. 

"I thought I'd take all of you out for _sake_ when you were old enough," Kakashi mused. "But I also knew that I couldn't count on that. Well, here is that _sake_ that I wanted to treat to you guys. Drink up, Sakura."

Kakashi raised the half-empty bottle to his lips and took a sip, then stared at the liquor's label. "Hey, this stuff is pretty good... Want some more?"

He started to pour some more liquid on the grave, but faltered and dropped his bottle by an obnoxious shrieking sound. Frowning at the good alcohol being wasted, Kakashi picked the bottle up and turned to look at Sakura's mother. She looked furious. Kakashi wasn't overly thrilled.

"_You_ are the one, aren't you?! The mentor of that... that team she was in!" She triumphly said, pointing her finger at him as if he was a wild beast. Kakashi sighed.

"My condolences, ma'am."

"Look what happened!" She screeched. "You let monster like that nine-tails get close to my daughter, and look at what happened! And you! You allowed such monster to get near my only child! My child! She didn't even have the chance to marry! She..."

She burst into hysterical tears, falling over her daughter's grave. Dirt clung to her cloth, but she tightly embraced the cold earth. "My little Sakura..."

"Naruto had nothing to do with this," Kakashi muttered. He understood her feelings, but it wasn't fair that she was blaming Naruto for this death. A pink blur came to hit him on the face.

"That disgusting monster gave that to Sakura," Sakura's mother seethed. "She was too kind just to keep away from that demon! She had been cursed!"

Kakashi caught the bunny doll and stared at it. He then mutely turned around and walked away. Sakura's mother's screams followed him. Kakashi's eyes were saddened. "...so that's why I didn't see Naruto at Sakura's funeral..."

* * * * *

"Naruto," Sasuke softly said, knocking on the door. "I'm sorry I yelled at you. Naruto? I'm going to come in, okay?"

Sasuke gently eased the door open. Immediately stench of blood filled his nostrils and Sasuke paled. "Naruto!"

Naruto looked up from slitting his wrist. A kunai was held in a clumsy angle, and crudely cut wound allowed drip after drip of blood to fall down from his wrist to the bed. There was a pool of blood right below the wrist. Naruto strangely looked happy. 

"Look, Sasuke, blood," Naruto said, holding his wrist up. He looked like a child who had accomplished something all by himself. "Look how pretty it is. It's all red, and shiny, and look, it drips down."

"Where the hell did you get that?!" Sasuke snapped, knocking the knife out of Naruto's hand. Sasuke wrapped his fingers below Naruto's wound to check the seriousness of the wound. Luckily, it wasn't very deep; Naruto did not manage to cut any major blood vessels yet. 

"Let's get you bandaged up. I'll call the healer," Sasuke said. Naruto was frowning at Sasuke. 

"Why?"

Sasuke, who was searching for bandages, did not look up. "Why what?"

"Why won't you let me die? You said you don't care. I want to die. You're mean."

Sasuke's eyes flashed with anger. He lifted his head to frown back at Naruto. "You're still carrying on with that nonsense?"

"I want to die," Naruto insisted. "Let me die."

Sasuke turned to firmly hold Naruto's shoulders, his frown deepening. "Naruto, stop that! We can not bring back the dead. We have to live our life to the fullest! For Sakura! We have to live to make up for Sakura's lost life! So stop that!"

"She would've wanted me to die," Naruto softly said. He looked down on his wrist. "She would've been happy if I died instead of her. You would've been happy, too. And I... I wouldn't have known anything, so I would've died happy, too--"

"I wouldn't have been happy!" Sasuke snapped. "I like you, Naruto! You are my most precious person! How can I be happy if you--"

Sasuke's words died on his lips when he realized what he had blurted out. Naruto was staring at him. Stillness heavily settled on the room. Then Naruto shuddered, pushing Sasuke's hands away.

"You're sick..."

Sasuke helplessly looked at Naruto. "Naruto--"

" I don't know if it was a joke or you're serious, but either way... you're sick. That's really, really sick, Sasuke..." Naruto's empty blue eyes started to fill with hatred. "So... that was why you were so nice to me... Of course you had other motives. Who would want to be my friend unconditionally? The only reason you took care of me was because you wanted to have me!"

"That's not it!" Sasuke yelled back, frustrated. "I'll never touch you without your consent--"

"How can you like a guy?! That's so disgusting! You have so. Much. Problems!!" Naruto was trembling with rage. "You must have been laughing at _both_ of us! Poor Sakura-chan, she died for a queer--"

Sasuke pushed Naruto down to the bed, his eyes filled with as much anger as Naruto's eyes. "Watch what you're saying, Uzumaki. Don't you _dare_ insult my friendship with Sakura or my love for you."

Naruto lifted his head slightly and pressed his lips against Sasuke's. Sasuke acted out of instinct, kissing Naruto back without thinking. Naruto pulled away and stared at Sasuke. Sudden maniac grin marred his childish face. "Want me to give my virginity to you?"

There were thorns in his words. Sasuke's expression froze. Naruto reached up to wrap Sasuke in an embrace. "You had my first kiss, but of course that isn't good enough for being friends with a demon like me, right? I don't need my virginity anyway when I'm dead. Here..." Swift fingers unbuttoned Sasuke's shirt, and Naruto pressed his hand against Sasuke's heart. "Take me. That's what you wanted."

"What I wanted..." Sasuke slowly repeated. He pulled his body to sit up on the bed, staring down at Naruto. He pressed his hand against Naruto's cheek. "What I wanted to touch was your warm heart."

Tears slowly ran down Sasuke's cheeks. "So why is the only thing I can touch is your cold body, Naruto?"

There was loneliness in Sasuke's eyes. The loneliness was so deep, so painful, so familiar, that it was all Naruto could do to simply look at the loneliness etched into Sasuke's eyes. Then he started to scream and thrash as old memories came back to haunt him. "Let go! I'm not a demon! Stop it! Stop hurting me! Stop looking at me like that! I'm not disgusting! I don't want to be alone!!"

"Naruto!" Sasuke cried, alarmed. Naruto's eyes were wild. "Naruto, wake up! Stop that!"

"GYAAAA!!!" Naruto screamed. He wildly thrashed. His hands grasped the handle of the kunai that had been knocked out of his hand. Naruto swung the knife around, kicking and screaming. "Let me go!! Don't kill me!! Don't hate me!! Please, stop hating me!!!"

"NARUTO!!" Sasuke cried, tightly holding Naruto in his arms. "Calm down! Calm down! It's Sasuke, I'm here, please calm--"

There was a slash, then splatter of blood covered Naruto's cheek. Naruto raised his terrified eyes up to look at Sasuke's face, the knife still tightly clutched in his hands. Blood was dripping down from his left eye. But Sasuke was still trying to reach him. "Naruto... Naruto..."

"Sasuke," Naruto breathed. He lifted his hand to touch Sasuke's cheek. "Your eye... Because of me... Sasuke's eye..."

"Naruto, it's okay," Sasuke softly said. He sounded relieved, despite blood rapidly dripping from his wound. "Naruto..."

"Sasuke's eye," Naruto repeated. His eyes were losing focus again. "My fault... Sasuke... eye... Uwaa...aa"

"Naruto!!"

"AAAAA!!!"

* * * * *

Iruka knocked on the door. 

"Come in!" A cheerful voice rang out. Iruka opened the door. Naruto turned to widely grin at him. Thick bandages coated his neck and left wrist, but otherwise he looked happy. "Hello!"

"Naruto," Iruka softly said. He walked up to Naruto, carefully placing his hand on top of Naruto's head. "How... are you?"

"I'm doing great!" Naruto replied. Iruka sighed in relief. He settled on the chair next to Naruto's bed. He gave Naruto a tired grin.

"Good. As soon as you can get out of the hospital, I'll buy you something good. So hurry and get better, Naruto."

Naruto nodded. He tilted his head to one side. "Can I ask you something, though?"

Iruka looked puzzled. "Sure, what is it?"

Naruto's eyes were really pure blue in color. His smile lit up his eyes. He really looked happy. A small pink bunny doll was clasped in his hands.

"Who are you?"

* * * * *

- Not really important stuff-

I hate this chapter. I really, really hate this chapter. I rewrote it three times. I still hate it. I can't get it right no matter how much I try. The translation only makes this chapter sound worse. Argh, I don't care anymore... X.x

I think this is where my Gundam Wing fan comic got cut off. Right, a really great place to leave off. My Mum accidentally threw my comic out, and I had absolutely no intention to draw it all over again, so I gave up on this comic. ^^;; And I had the ending all planned out, too! Fueee.

Compared to how Ririna died, I do admit there isn't much interaction between Naruto and Sakura before she suddenly got killed off. I didn't want to write it; sorry~ They already interact enough in the series; I just wasn't up to writing Naruto x Sakura sap. It would just make Naruto more pathetic, and it would've been awkward and ugly . Maybe it's because I like Ririna better then Sakura. Anyway, please forgive me! _

I was very occupied this weekend because our family just increased in number. Our hamsters had babies! The four babies were born on January 4th of 2004. 444, huh? What a bad number! ^^;; The Japanese pronunciation for 'death' and 'four' are both 'shi', so four isn't a very happy number. But numbers aside, I fussed over the mother and the babies until the mother got irritated and bit me. ^^;;

The Korean word for 'time' is 'shigan'(opposed to the Japanese word 'jikan'), so I'm trying to make all chapters start with an 's' word. So far, it... is weird. Because words that start with 's' sound in Korean does not necessary start with 's' in English... ^^;; Since I wrote that Gundam Wing fan comic in Korean, I'm writing this story in Korean, too, but you won't see much difference in the English version. Korean and Japanese are really similar, so... ^^


	4. Smile

__

Naruto does not remember anything. More accurately, he refuses to remember anything. Right now he is like all other children. He isn't burdened by meaningless hatred and segregation thrown at him from his birth. He smiles so happily, so innocently. I'm so happy. My heart is tearing apart, but I'm so happy. I'd do anything just to see him truly happy like this.

So what if this is a fake happiness? Even so, I'll never take it away from him. I'll protect his smile.

* * * * *

Chapter Four: - Smile-

* * * * *

Naruto almost slammed his spoon down on a bowl of pudding he had been eating. "Really?! I can go home now?"

Sasuke nodded. "Your cold is all better, and all your wound closed up. So you can go home. That's great, isn't it?"

Naruto energetically nodded in return. He picked up his spoon and resumed devouring the pudding. Sasuke paused in packing up Naruto's belongings to glance at Naruto. "Naruto."

"Yeah?"

"Would you like to come live with me for a while? My house is rather big, so I think it will be better for the two of us to stay at my house rather then we go to yours." 

Sasuke gasped as he felt arms encircling his waist, pulling him in for a tight hug. He turned his eyes to look back at huge blue eyes. Naruto's smile was so carefree and innocent that it wretched his heart, yet he managed to smile back. 

"Yay~! I like Sasuke so much! I'm so happy!" Naruto pressed his forehead against the back of Sasuke's neck. "So the two of us will live together now, right? Right?"

"Yes," Sasuke softly said. He felt his voice choking, so he stared at the wall instead of looking at Naruto's face. "Yes, we will..."

"Can Sakura-chan come, too?" Naruto asked. 

Sasuke closed his eyes tightly as he managed in a hoarse whisper, "Naruto, Sakura isn't here..." He felt Naruto's body stiffening. Then Naruto pulled away from Sasuke to walk back to his bed and to triumphly hold something up.

"Silly Sasuke! Look, she's right here!"

Sasuke stared at the pink teddy bear that Naruto had bought for Sakura. He raised his shaking hand to touch the doll, then stared at Naruto's grinning face. "Naruto... This... Where did you...?"

"An occhan(uncle; middle-aged, married man) brought her here! He had white hair, and his face was all covered with black mask stuff!" Naruto happily hugged the doll. "Sakura-chan likes Naruto a lot!"

Naruto looked startled when tears fell from Sasuke's eyes. "Sasu... ke? What's wrong?" He fearfully peered at Sasuke's face, then reached up to wipe his tears away. "Don't cry... Does your tummy hurt? Did Naruto say something bad? I'm sorry, Sasuke! Don't cry!"

Sasuke turned his head away. "Something... went into my eyes, that's all. Excuse me."

Naruto's voice followed Sasuke's rapidly retreating form. "But Sasuke!"

Sasuke felt the bandages around his right eye loosening from the tears, but he couldn't care less about that. He pressed his forehead against the wall, his hands tightly clutching at his heart. "Oh, God, please forgive me," he whispered. "He's so happy. I can't tell him anything... I can't take away his happiness! I can't give him his memories back. Want to protect his happiness; his smiles..."

* * * * *

"Bullshit!"

Gaara's pupils widened slightly at the outburst. Then he resumed glaring at Neji. Shikamaru had slammed his fist down at the desk, and was in the process of advancing Neji to choke the life out of him. Neji backed off. He was not willing to engage in a fist fight with a guy who just found out one of his best friends had forgotten all about him. No matter how laid back Shikamaru might be, he wasn't pleasant when he was angry. And he was definitely very angry as of now.

"What do you mean by Naruto doesn't remember anything after he was seven years old?! That's even before the ninja academy!" Shikamaru fumed. "Where is that stupid asshole?! I'll _make_ him remember me, damn it!"

"He's experiencing maniac depression and severe denial that results in a forced amnesia ," Neji explained, unable to keep exasperation out of his voice. "You're supposed to be of a help Naruto. Believe it or not, kicking his posterior will not help him."

"Is he all right? Not counting his head, I mean." Gaara cut in. His glare clearly stated that if Naruto was not all right, he was willing to help Shikamaru kill Neji. And he'd make Neji suffer, too. Neji gave out a frustrated sigh. What had he been thinking when he decided to be a medic ninja when he grew up? People were already death-threatening him, and he was only a healer-in-training!

"Well, he attempted a suicide--"

"Damn shit, if I get my hands on that idiot--"

"--but he got away with a light cut on his wrist; no major damage. So aside from the psychological problems, he's fine. In fact, he was released today, since someone promised to watch over him for next few months."

"So I would be able to find him at his home," Gaara concluded. He turned and stalked away. Shikamaru trudged after him. They had left before Neji had the chance to inform them that Naruto was not at his home. Neji sighed deeply, massaged his temples, and decided that the best thing for him right now was to forget that this incident ever happened. And he would need to talk to Gai again to make sure medic ninja really was such a good job idea.

* * * * *

Naruto tilted his head back to take in most of Sasuke's house, quite amazed with the size of the building. He turned his head to watch Sasuke watching him, and gave him a bright grin in return. "Sasuke, your house is so big! Where are your mommy and daddy? I want to say hello to them!"

"My parents have deceased," Sasuke shortly said. He did not wish to discuss the topic. He changed the subject. "Let's go in; it's cold."

Naruto nodded and ran ahead, kicking his shoes off gleefully to run on the smoothly polished wooden floor. Sasuke sighed lightly, then smiled and followed Naruto into the house. Naruto had already disappeared around the corner of the hallway. A short silence elapsed, followed by huge crashing sound, and Sasuke immediately grimaced. He abandoned Naruto's belongings in favor of searching for Naruto. It was not difficult to find Naruto, considering he had ripped off the door to a room and crashed into the room. Fortunately there was nothing in the room except folded blankets, but Naruto had managed to rupture some of them. Feathers were flying everywhere, and Naruto's blonde hair poked out from the pile of feathers and blankets. Blue eyes slowly peeked out from the blanket, and Naruto sheepishly laughed.

"Hehehe... Sorry, Sasuke..."

Naruto yelped as Sasuke pushed his head back into the blankets. "You are not getting out of this room until you clean up this mess."

"Hueeee, but Sasukeeee--" 

"Really, the first thing you do when you enter my home is to break it apart. What happened to your 'I'm sorry for the intrusion' before entering the house?"

"Um, I'm sorry for the intrusion?" Naruto meekly offered, and was awarded with a smack to his head. He clutched at his head and whined while Sasuke fumed.

"Too late! You're supposed to say that before you enter the house!" 

Naruto stared up at Sasuke. Sasuke stared back. Then Naruto widely grinned. "You're not really mad, are you?"

"No," Sasuke admitted. He sharply inhaled as Naruto jumped on top of him, pushing him into the blankets and sending the feathers flying everywhere. For a second, Naruto looked like an angel. Then Naruto leaned down until his forehead touched Sasuke's chest, his blonde hair spilling out to cover his chest and neck in uneven spiky strands.

"Sasuke, I don't remember anything... I don't even remember how I met you, even though that must have been the happiest moment of my life. I didn't even remember my name until someone told me. I wonder what's wrong with me..." Sasuke's hands moved to tangle in Naruto's head, fingering the rough hair, smoothing and ruffling his hair like he would with a puppy's fur. "I'm sorry, Sasuke. I really don't remember you. I really like you, but I don't know who you are. I don't know how we became friends. Everything is a big blank."

"I can tell you everything about your past," Sasuke softly said. "But if I tell you, you'll hate me. Would you like to know?" 

Sasuke stared at the ceiling while waiting for Naruto's answer. He never stared at the ceiling before, but was doing that often lately. What was that old saying? That men did things they never did just before they die. He hated old sayings. So he tossed the old sayings out of his consciousness and concentrated on staring at the ceiling instead. There was a crack on the painted surface. Maybe Naruto had just made that crack. Or maybe it had been there even before he was born. Who knows? He hated staring at the ceiling.

"Nah, it's okay!"

Sasuke tore his eyes away from the ceiling to look at crown of Naruto's head in surprise. He could feel the smile on Naruto's voice.

"I won't ever hate someone as nice as Sasuke! So if it's something like that, I don't need to hear it! Besides, I'm living right now, not in the past." Naruto lifted his head to meet his eyes with Sasuke's. "If I remember it, okay. If I don't, I don't want to force myself to remember such things."

Sasuke deeply sighed and slowly sat up. It was obvious this memory loss was not permanent. Preventing Naruto from recovering his memory was like plastering a band-aid on a permanent scar; only temporarily hiding from the pains, from the future. Naruto he knew was not like this. Naruto he knew would want to know his past. Naruto would want to face everything with courage and confidence. But on subconscious level, it seemed that Naruto also knew that his past would hurt him; that he was also afraid of his past. Sasuke was torn between accepting Naruto's current request or following what normal Naruto would have requested. But he was also a human. He didn't want to be hurt again. So he accepted the convenient choice.

"Then I'll tell you about your past when you do want to hear it..."

Naruto brushed away a feather from his cheek and also sat up. He wrapped around his hand around Sasuke's stomach and placed his cheek against Sasuke's shoulder. "Sorry."

"What are you apologizing for?" Sasuke asked. Naruto turned his head slightly to look up at Sasuke.

"Because, Sasuke always look so sad when I look at him. And then Sasuke always forces a smile on his face. I want Sasuke to be happy." Naruto gently pressed his hand against Sasuke's cheek, then moved his fingers to cover the bandages on top of Sasuke's eye. "Won't you smile?"

Sasuke smiled.

* * * * *

Ramble-su

Uwaaa! 100 reviews already?! @.@ Thank you so much! You guys are the reason I write fan fiction when I should be enjoying my vacation and watching piled up anime and reading comic books until my eyeballs drop off. ^^;; You know, I messed up the whole teddy bear thing... I wrote 'bunny doll' on the last chapter, because Hiiro was holding a bunny doll in the comic. But Naruto had bought a teddy bear! Argh, my short memory span! *smacks self* I'll fix that... someday. X.x I'm sorry.

Oh, right, the door thing. The door to traditional Japanese houses are made out of wood and paper(mostly paper and thin wood), and are more breakable than modern doors. So that's why Naruto didn't bash his skull when he rammed the door down. Well, and also the fact that he's an anime character... ^^;;

Sasuke was wearing a spandex! I have already read that part in the comic book, but I still found it very shocking. For the first 0.5 seconds I thought he was girl because of his long bangs, but then I suddenly realized that he looks more like his older brother now. The glint in his eyes are gone, so he looks more like how he does in the comic book, too. Well, whatever the changes are, I like it. He looks more mature and cool now, even though the spandex custom is... kind of... revealing? ^^;; ...kakkoii kara yoshi!

I suddenly realized that Tsunade is very, very hot. In fact, she's the sexist 58-year-old woman I've ever seen in my life. Counting anime and manga characters, I mean. I think I'll switch my obsession from Kurenai to Tsunade. *_* And as it gets closer and closer for Itachi to appear in the anime series, I get more excited! What kind of voice would my favorite character have?! I somehow think he would have very soft, feminine voice like Joshua from Chrno Crusade or Fuji Shuusuke from Prince of Tennis. Well, considering he's older brother of Sasuke(and that boy has too much testerone in his system), he might have very deep, manly voice instead. Whatever it is, I want to hear him~! 


	5. Soothe

__

Naruto is so innocent right now that it sometimes scares me. I'm scared of tainting him with my darkness. He's like a gentle breeze, soothing over my wounds and always making me feel more calm, more composed. But I'm not a gentle breeze like him. In fact, if I'm a type of wind, I would be a merciless squall, leaving everything torn and defiled in my wake. I think I'm only making things worse for him.

If I stay with him longer, I'll end up hurting him. I think... I think after yet another betrayal, he really won't be able to live on anymore. I'm not sure what to do. But I have to be away from him. I can't be with him...

Gods, things were so much more simple when I just watched him from afar. Now that I can have him in my arms, now that he's so susceptible, so vulnerable... I can no longer control myself...

* * * * *

Chapter Five: - Soothe-

* * * * *

"Welcome back home, Sasuke."

Sasuke looked up from staring at the ground, startled at the sound. Then his expression softened. He shifted the plastic bags in his hands and nodded his head briefly. "I came back home."

Naruto nodded and moved out of the doorway so that Sasuke can enter the house. It had been a week since Naruto came to live with Sasuke. Sasuke discovered that he was learning a lot of things over again that he had wanted to forget. There was that 'good morning' that he exchanged with Naruto. Then Sasuke would have to set the table for two, instead of one. He pondered whether to buy beef or chicken for the curry that he would cook for dinner, instead of tossing a packet of instant curry on his shopping cart. Naruto said 'welcome home', and he answered with 'I came back home'. The day would end with saying 'sleep well' to each other. There was someone to talk to, someone that he had to consider. Things that he did not touch were misplaced, things got broken, and socks were discovered under the blankets. Sasuke was not sure whether he liked the changes or not. He had grown too used to living by himself. And if he liked the changes, what if the changes were not permanent? What if Naruto left?

"What did you buy, what did you buy?" Naruto asked, digging into the bags. Sasuke pulled the bags away from Naruto's prying hands. 

"Naruto! If you do that, you'll scatter the groceries all over the place! Besides, you can't have any snacks before dinner."

"Stingy!" Naruto complained. But he obediently took half of Sasuke's bags and followed him to the kitchen, where they put the groceries away. Naruto's eyes lit up at the variety of sweets that Sasuke had bought-- objects that Sasuke never even looked at when he had been living by himself-- but he scowled when he remembered that he could not have any right now. He could never understand Sasuke's logic. What difference did it make if he ate snacks before or after dinner? They ended up together in his stomach anyway. Sasuke, who had been chopping up onions and chicken meat into little dices, couldn't help the smirk that rose to his face when he noticed Naruto scowling at the sweets. His smirk slowly turned into a sad smile as he reminded himself that he must engrave this scene into his heart, for it will not be given to him eternally.

* * * * *

Jiraiya did not look at the hot cup of tea offered to him. "So?" He questioned, his arms firmly crossed over his chest, a hint of annoyance cringing to his voice. His eyes were solemnly regarding his long time friend, whom he trusted with his life, whom he was growing steadily impatient with as of the moment. 

"So nothing," Tsunade said, taking a sip of her tea. "Aren't you going to drink your tea? Shizune brews really good tea, but it won't taste good if it cools."

"Forget the tea; I like booze better anyway," Jiraiya impatiently said. "I know psychology isn't your thing, but isn't there anything that can be done for Naruto? This is cruel; letting Naruto suffer like this. The sooner his memories are revived, the sooner we can sort through this mess, right?"

"Or the sooner Naruto gets uncontrollably insane and decide to let his demon open its eyes. I have absolutely no interest in poking at things that I do not know well about," Tsunade said, just as impatiently. They were both short-tempered. She downed the rest of her tea, ignoring the hot liquid that scalded her tongue. 

"Where is Naruto anyway? Is he okay?" Jiraiya asked. He started to add sugar to his tea, but decided against it. Why waste sugar on tea he was not going to drink anyway? He absent-mindedly poked the pile of sugar with the spoon instead, making a little trail in the white powder. 

Tsunade leaned back in her chair. "Sasuke is taking care of him right now."

"...Sasuke? As in, Uchiha Sasuke?" Jiraiya asked, frowning slightly. "I thought his relationship to Naruto was like my relationship with Orochimaru."

He spat out the last mentioned name, as if it was a dirty word. Tsunade looked mildly amused. "No, they were just desperate to be acknowledged by each other. Sasuke, in fact, might have feelings for Naruto, the poor little bastard. Maybe there was something that went on between you and Orochimaru that I was not aware of, either. You know, rivalry often turns into..." She shrieked when Jiraiya's face turned green. "Don't throw up on my table!" 

"Even as a joke, that was gross," Jiraiya moaned. He took a sip of the tea as if to wash out the bad taste that the idea left in his mouth. He made a face and started to shove spoonfuls of sugar into the tea. "Well, pushing that disgusting idea out of this conversation, I still think we should try to give Naruto's memories back."

"Look, Naruto's happy, Sasuke's happy. They're safe as long as they're together. There is absolutely no need for us to interfere in their life right now."

"But that's an _illusion_!" Jiraiya seethed. "Just think how ugly it'll get if Naruto remembers everything accidentally. It's better to face everything head-on; beating around the bushes is for the wimps! Naruto will want his memories back! The Yamanaka clan--"

"Probably can revive his memory, yes," Tsunade muttered. "But that's an invasion to his mind, not therapy. What do we do when he remembers, then? Do you ever think about what happens after you do something? How about using your brain once in a while? You might actually find that it's useful!"

"So I'm stupid! Excuse me for not using my brain like you! So you're suggesting we just leave them alone like that?! As I said, this is cruelty! You say that they're happy; I say that they're suffering!"

"I know that!" Tsunade snapped back. Her voice slightly trembled. "But some things are better forgotten. Even if a happiness is shallow, it still is happiness. Those two suffered so much, Jiraiya, and they're so _young_! They're mere children! Isn't it our job as grown-ups to make best choices for them?"

"And what is that best choice?" Jiraiya asked. He grimaced at Tsunade's saddened expression. She tapped her slender finger against the empty tea cup.

"Let's talk to Naruto and Sasuke, tell them about options available to them right now." Tsunade deeply sighed, then pleadingly looked up at Jiraiya. "Let's do what they think is the best...?"

Jiraiya started to open his mouth in protest, but he shut his mouth when he looked at Tsunade's face. Then he slowly nodded.

* * * * *

Sasuke carefully unwound the bandages around his eye, and cringed when a part of the blood-soaked bandage refused to loosen from his skin. He turned on the faucet and pressed his palm against the running water, waiting until the water warmed up. Then he carefully cupped the water in his palm and pressed it against the bandage, loosening the blood that had caked on the bandage and had stuck the entity against his skin. He successfully pulled all the bandages off and stared at his reflection in the mirror.

He had grown considerably thinner last few weeks. His lips were dry and cracked, and his skin was deathly pale. Luckily the cut that Naruto had infected upon his eye was only on the surface of his eyelid and was not too deep-- three stitches took care of it-- but his eyelid had bruised and puffed up considerably, and Sasuke still couldn't open his right eye. He almost laughed at his reflection. He looked like shit.

Naruto stopped splashing around in the water and looked at Sasuke curiously. After Naruto had destroyed the bathroom few days ago, Sasuke had decided that he would bath Naruto himself. Naruto was already in the water-filled tub, and he was waiting for Sasuke to join him while throwing half the water out of the tub. "Sasuke."

Sasuke broke away from his reflection and looked at Naruto questioningly. Naruto pointed at Sasuke's wound. "How did you get such a big boo-boo?"

Sasuke smoothly lied. "A mission."

Naruto seemed to accept that answer. Sasuke quickly pulled his clothes off and lowered himself into the tub. Naruto immediately scooted closer to him, staring at his face. Sasuke stared back at him. "What?"

"Does it hurt?" Naruto asked. Sasuke considered lying again, but decided that it wasn't necessary to lie this time.

"A little. But it does not bother me." He cringed as Naruto's hand reached out to touch his wound. He expected Naruto to poke at his wound to see if it really hurt or not, but was surprised when Naruto gently cupped his hand around the wound instead. 

"Pain, pain, go away," Naruto softly chanted in a sing-song voice. He pulled his hand away to carefully press his lips against the wound. Then he pulled back slightly, looking pleased with himself. "There! Now it should be all better, because Naruto kissed Sasuke's hurt place."

Sasuke was stunned. Where did _that_ come from? The last time he complained of pain, he had been a child and had fallen and skinned his knee. But his mother coldly told him only weaklings cried. Sasuke had stood up by himself, dusted himself off, and tearfully looked up at his mother. Only then did she smile at him and tended to his wound. Sasuke pressed his hand against the place that Naruto had just kissed, frowning slightly. Naruto looked confused.

"...did Naruto do something bad?"

"No, not really..." Sasuke trailed off. He bit down on his lower lip. "Why did you... kiss me?"

"Because you got hurt," Naruto explained. "If you get a kiss on your wound, it won't hurt anymore. My mom also said a kiss means I like someone. I like Sasuke a lot!" He triumphly grinned. "What, Sasuke. You didn't even know something like that?"

"Yeah," Sasuke softly said, smiling slightly. But his eyes remained sad. "I didn't know that... Is that so. A kiss means... you like someone."

Naruto climbed onto Sasuke's lap, wrapping his arms around Sasuke, playful smile on his lips. "Does Sasuke like Naruto? He does, right? We're best friends, right?"

"You are the most precious person in my life," Sasuke solemnly said, lightly brushing his lips against Naruto's. His dark eyes met Naruto's light-blue ones. "I like you so much, Naruto..."

"Sasuke!" Naruto happily cried, suddenly throwing his weight against Sasuke's body. There was a splash, and Sasuke struggled to regain his balance, their flesh running smoothly against each other without friction in the water. Naruto's body dug into his own, his slender legs entangled with his legs, and Sasuke gasped as he felt their bodies intimately touching each other. His body felt uncomfortably hot. He suddenly regretted the idea to bath together. 

"Sasuke," Naruto said, surprised. His innocent eyes looked at Sasuke in confusion. "You need to go pee."

Sasuke then bolted from the tub, cursing at his body that had betrayed him. He snatched a towel to wrap around his lower body, hiding his erection, his head lowered in shame. He stumbled into his room and buried his head in his hands. His wet body quickly cooled and water droplets hurriedly fell from his hair, but he tightly closed his eyes, attempting to calm himself down. Goosebumps quickly rose on his skin, and he shivered. 

Sasuke couldn't believe himself. He had read plenty of porn magazines. He had even read the "Icha Icha" series that his teacher seemed so fond of. He did not have much reaction to the books. He had read through the porn without so much as twitching an eyebrow. So how could his body have betrayed him like this? All it took was a kiss and brief skin-to-skin contact with Naruto to make him so aroused? Sasuke groaned. Few minutes passed before Naruto poked his head into the room.

"Sasuke?"

"I'm... sorry," Sasuke hoarsely whispered. "I'm such a pervert..."

Naruto trotted over to Sasuke. A black bathrobe was loosely tied around his body. The bathrobe had been Sasuke's, and it was too big for Naruto. It exposed most of his skin when he moved. Sasuke tore his eyes away from Naruto to stare at the ground. Naruto kneeled over Sasuke, placing his hand on top of his head.

"Why are you apologizing? I sometimes become like that, too, when I need to go to the bathroom," Naruto softly said. "It's not embarrassing. It's because we're boys, Sasuke, so it can't be helped. Sasuke?"

"Naruto," Sasuke urgently said. "I need you to get out of this room. Now."

Naruto looked at Sasuke with confusion written on his childish face. Sasuke cursed his seven-years-old mentality. Well, it was doubtable that Naruto, even with his nineteen-years-old mentality, would know much about sex, but... "And I'm sleeping in another room from now on," Sasuke added. Naruto's face fell.

"Naruto did something bad," Naruto murmured. Sasuke shook his head. 

"It's nothing like that. It's just... I'll hurt Naruto if we're together, okay? I'll hurt Naruto a lot. So... please go to another room? I'll be with you shortly. You're a good boy, right?"

"What's wrong, Sasuke?" Naruto asked. He sounded scared now, his eyes widened, his fingers reaching out to clutch Sasuke's shirt sleeve. Then he remembered that Sasuke was not wearing a shirt right now, and opted to search Sasuke's face with his eyes instead. "Is it something I can help you with?"

'Sure, you can help me,' Sasuke dryly thought. 'Once I f*** you senseless, I'll feel all better. Which I will be doing if you don't get out of here soon.'

"No," Sasuke answered instead. The tone of his voice was stern, indicating that the discussion was closed. Naruto finally nodded and started to walk away, turning his head to give a helpless look to Sasuke. Sasuke forced a smile on his face, and Naruto gave him a small smile in return before he left. Sasuke deeply sighed and pushed back still-wet hair, away from his eyes.

'I wonder how long I can control myself,' he pondered, his black eyes glittering in the darkness as he contemplated. 'I'm not an innocent little boy anymore... And the object of my desire is so close to me... But if I take an advantage of him, I'll never forgive myself.'

Sasuke stared at the wall. 'Perhaps... perhaps I shouldn't have brought Naruto home after all...'

He did not realize Naruto was outside the door, his back pressed against the frame, his eyes wavering slightly.

'I wonder if I'm going to be abandoned again,' Naruto mused. 'Like my parents... Like everyone else... I wonder if Sasuke has grown to hate me, too...'

* * * * *

I think this is an author's note, but it's okay even if you don't read it...

@_@ The medications are not working. My head feels like it'll split open. I slept most of this week away. Just when it's almost time for me to go back to school, I just had to get sick! Argh! It's some kind of weird cold where your muscles ache all over the place and you get a really high fever. I hope you are all in good health; the weather here is below 0 degree Celsius, it's snowing like hell, and I'm merrily freezing my butt off. ^^;;

Naruto is using child's speech pattern, which I think sounds dorky in English. I didn't spend my childhood in America, so I hope I got the 'children's language' right. Asian children talk in third person to sound cute(like Naruto saying 'Naruto is hungry'); I hope that doesn't sound too weird in English.

My e-mail correspondent and I had been talking about Sasuke's knowledge about sex, and I mentioned that Sasuke is the type that would read porn magazines very calmly. I couldn't get that stupid thought out of my mind, so... I had to mention it. I really think Sasuke can and will read porn without so much as twitching an eyebrow. ^^;;

Itachi's voice came out on episode 30? I don't even remember what I ate for breakfast; how am I supposed to remember that? ^^;; Besides, flashbacks can be radically different from the real thing, so I'll eagerly wait until Itachi officially makes his entrance. I think I disliked Itachi back then anyway, which might be why I don't remember that whole... episode 30 thing... ^^;; 

Last random ramble is that Rah-Xephon rocks! Maybe it's my medications(I swear my doctor's stuffing it with tranquilizers, knowing I don't sleep if I can help it), but everything seemed so surreal and... ethereal, even. Serene, yet ominous. I love the opening and ending themes, too. It's sort of like evolved version of Shin Seiki Evangelion! ^^ - sucker for anything that involves destruction of the world and huge robots beating the crap out of each other, especially if the robots have wings


	6. Serenity

__

I had fallen into the darkness. Many, many times, I have fallen into the darkness. In my own darkness, I would curl up into a little ball and shut out the world. I hated being alive. The only purpose of my living was that I can take vengeance upon my brother. For that reason I lived. For that reason I grew strong. But then he came.

He was always so energetic, so happy. Yet he grew so rapidly in power. Every time I saw him, he would be stronger. I hated him. He made me look sideways. My one goal in life didn't seem so important when he was around. Something about him intrigued me. Made me passionate.

I fought with him. I liked it when he was angry with me. Then he would pay attention to me. I protected him without thinking. Common sense didn't work with him. He was something completely out of this world, and I knew I was becoming obsessed with him. I wanted to be acknowledged by him. Nothing else mattered.

It was only after he rescued me from the darkness, from the curse and hatred and blood stains, that I finally realized my feelings for him. It wasn't hatred. It was love. And this foolish love of mine enabled us to have happy life together for a little while. Then it all crumbled away. Because, after all, my happiness was an illusion. And dreams don't last forever.

* * * * *

Chapter Six: -serenity -

* * * * *

Naruto stirred himself awake. The morning birds chirped and scolded each other among the bare branches outside the window. Naruto's hand reached out to feel the warm body beside him. His eyes snapped open when only cold sheets could be grasped in his hands.

"Sasuke?" Naruto whispered, fear creeping into his voice. He sat up and pulled the blanket to his body. The morning air felt cold and crisp against his skin. There was only one pillow. Sasuke had not slept with him the night before. Naruto pulled the blanket more tightly around him, curling his body into a ball. 

Naruto's parents in his memories were always kind to him. He didn't remember their faces, but he remembered their warmth. There had been gentle kisses, embraces, 'I love you's. But they never took him to the outside world. _'Because I love you so much, Naruto,' _ Naruto's mother had playfully said. '_I don't want anyone else to see you! I want to keep my baby all to myself.' _

"You were ashamed of me," Naruto softly whispered. "You were scared of me, Mama... Papa..." 

Then one day, Naruto woke up to find the apartment empty. Later the third hokage had taken him aside and gently told him that his parents have died in a mission. Naruto had smiled. "So I don't have to make my parents ashamed anymore, right? They'll be happy in heaven without Naruto?"

"Sasuke." Naruto shivered slightly. "Are you ashamed of me, too...?"

"Why?"

Naruto snapped his head up. Sasuke was leaning against the door frame, his eyes regarding Naruto. There was puzzled light in his eyes. "Why would I be ashamed of you? Did you wet the blankets or something?"

Relief quickly spread over Naruto's face before it was replaced with anger when he realized what Sasuke said. "Sasuke!" Naruto cried, insulted. Sasuke dodged the pillow thrown at his face and neatly caught it with a sweep of his hand, tossing it back to Naruto. Naruto scowled. Sasuke smirked.

"Good morning. The breakfast will get cold; wash up so we can eat."

"Good morning," Naruto grudgingly said. He pushed the blanket aside and stood up. He started to trudge out of the room, but paused at the door and pressed his lips lightly against Sasuke's cheek. Sasuke's cheek instantly colored pink and he turned his head to gawk at Naruto. Naruto pressed his index finger against his lips, grinning. "Good morning kiss!"

Sasuke watched Naruto disappear around the corner to the bathroom. He pressed his hand against the place that Naruto had just kissed. His expression was unreadable.

* * * * *

Lee carefully placed pink cherry blossoms in front of Sakura's grave, then clasped his hands together for a brief prayer, wishing for the tranquility of the lost soul. He had seen sprigs of cherry blossom branches in a flower store. Surely, products of a green house. The flowers were annoyingly expensive, but Lee had paid no mind to the cost. Lee had wished to honor the one who had the same name as the cherry blossom; the cherry blossom that had been precious to his heart, that was precious to his heart even now. He started to pull the weeds out of Sakura's grave, soothing back young, soft sprigs of grass that had started to grow on the still bare earth. He feared their roots would freeze; the temperature was still below zero.

"Sakura-san, how are you today?" Lee softly asked. Visiting her grave had become something of a daily ritual for him. "I hope the earth isn't too cold for you. The weather had warmed up considerably last few days, but it must be cold and lonely down there alone. If only I can be with you."

He sighed lightly, a crooked smile playing across his lips. "Actually, you will be very displeased if I'm with you... Please disregard that."

"You're still visiting her grave everyday?" A feminine voice asked him. Lee was not sure if she was mocking or pitying him. Whatever it was, he did not like the patronizing tone. He chose not to answer.

Ino placed yellow daffodils with the pink cherry blossoms, the newly opened blossoms and buds mingling together in a pastel cloud of flowers. She bowed her head slightly to pay her respect to the dead. Lee watched her from the corner of his eyes, struggling to remember her name. He knew her face, but he was not on close terms with her. Still, it would be rude of him to forget her name. 

"Ino. Yamanaka Ino," Ino cheerfully said. Lee was shocked that she knew what he was thinking, and it showed in his face. She softly laughed. "You're as easy to read as a book. You liked Sakura, didn't you? At least know the name of her best friend."

"I'm sorry," Lee automatically apologized. Ino shook her head and plopped down on the ground, in front of Sakura's grave stone. She carefully brushed the dust off the top.

"Do you remember how it was when she died?" Ino asked, her voice growing low and solemn. Lee slowly nodded his head. He didn't want to talk about this. He did not want to remember this. But he somehow couldn't force his body to move. So he stood and listened. "She used Naruto, you know, to try to fill in the void in her life. Of course, it didn't work. She ended up hurting both Naruto and Sasuke. But most of all, she hurt herself."

Lee shook his head slowly. "I don't understand."

"She wasn't honest to herself," Ino mused. "And because of that, she died alone, hated by the one she loved the most. It was a cruel lie, but she got the worst punishment for that. No one that she loved shed real tears for her in the end..."

"You're wrong!" Lee snapped. His black eyes looked troubled. "I loved her with all my heart, even though she did not return my feelings! I cried for her! She did not die alone--"

"She didn't want your tears," Ino quietly said. She lifted her head. Her water-colored eyes were piercing, cold. "And you were relieved when she was finally gone. Am I wrong? You were relieved that she can't hurt you anymore."

"Stop that," Lee quietly murmured. His legs muscles finally worked, but now he wasn't sure what to do. He wanted to strangle this girl. But he also wanted to run away. "Please stop talking about her like that. Even if it was pain, if she gave it to me, I was happy."

Ino softly chuckled, her eyes narrowing slightly. "Oh, really. That's so sweet of you, Lee-san. But idiots like you and Sakura are the ones who end up dying all alone."

She stood up and dusted herself off. "Love is possession. If you truly love someone, you should grasp them with your own hands. Giving up just because you're not loved back is so pathetic. After all, the only one who can take care of you is yourself." She lightly poked Lee's chest with her index finger. Lee involuntarily jerked back. Her mocking eyes haunted him. He knew he was going to have a nightmare later that night. "Before you die all alone, go and try again. And this time, be more honest to yourself. Because you'll end up hating yourself if you don't."

Lee stared at Ino's disappearing form before turning back to Sakura's grave. He gently picked up a cherry blossom petal and held it in his hands, cupping his fingers around the fragile pink petal. He smiled sadly. 

"You don't understand."

His voice no longer reached Ino. It was more of talking to himself than talking to Ino. "That isn't true love. If you truly love someone, even when you get hurt, you're happy as long as the one you love is happy. Possession is such a trifling part of love, Yamanaka-kun..." 

* * * * *

The keys felt cold and smooth against his fingers. He couldn't remember when was the last time he actually bothered to sit down and play the piano. He always hated practicing it. It was monotonous and tedious. And he never felt that he had improved at all after the endless practices. He gently pressed the C key. The soft melody sang out, as if startled awake after a long slumber, then quickly went back to sleep. In the wake of the gradual loss of sound, Sasuke became aware of the silence. To destroy that silence, he pressed the C key again. His left hand found its place among the lower major tonal. Major chord. Minor chord. Major chord again.

"Can you believe it?" Sasuke softly murmured. It was more of a chant than a song yet. But the melody slowly started to weave into the lyrics, and Sasuke found himself singing the song he thought he had forgotten a long time ago. His fingers daftly moved to follow his sweet tenor voice, mingling the melody of the piano with his voice into a gentle harmony. "Yesterday in my dreams, you were a princess under the spell. I kept reaching out for you, but just couldn't reach you, and in the end... I let out frustrated tears..."

He felt warm arms wrapping themselves around his shoulders. His body stiffened automatically, but his fingers did not stop gliding across the smooth black and white keys. Naruto's scent invaded his personal space. Sasuke didn't mind. 

"But I vowed firmly to myself that I'll get you back, no matter what. I clasped my hands together for a prayer-- may I have the endless courage and knowledge." Sasuke was a bit startled when Naruto's low alto voice mingled into the harmony. He wasn't aware that Naruto remembered this song, since the song was composed when they were about ten years old. But apparently he did. "Past the magic castle and the swamp, I can see you trapped in the darkness of a cave. Try holding my hand? You can feel our body floating up..."

Sasuke took a big breath. The ending part always put too much pressure on his voice. The scale was way too high; his low voice had trouble smoothly following such high notes. "Don't be startled even when we can freely fly across that sky. The world that is spread out in front of us--"

Sasuke felt his voice threatening to crack. Naruto didn't seem to have any trouble with the high notes. Sasuke always did find it strange that a boy of Naruto's age managed to have such a high alto voice. He had assumed that his vocal chords were underdeveloped, much the same as his friend's body height-wise.

"--is so beautiful, isn't it? As long as... we're together..."

Naruto sighed contently as last words of the song died away, snuggling further into the nape of Sasuke's neck. Sasuke pulled his hands away from the key and ignored the gentle echoing of the major chord fading away to slowly stand up and turn around to face Naruto. Naruto had stood up with him, and was hanging onto his neck like a koala. 

"I thought you wanted to play outside," Sasuke quietly said. Naruto shook his head.

"It's not fun without Sasuke. Sasuke, you play the piano well. Sasuke can do everything! That's so impressive." Naruto's eyes were shining with admiration. Sasuke flinched at the look. There was nothing impressive about him. But he did not have the energy to argue with Naruto. 

"Not really," Sasuke brushed off the compliment. Vague enough not to get him into trouble with Naruto without making him look like an egoistical jerk. Ambiguity was a highly desirable trait. Not only was it good for modesty, but it was good for deception. "I'm surprised you know that song. It's quite old."

"That song kept reminding me of you. I don't remember when, but... I kept thinking I had to save Sasuke, that I had to..." Naruto trailed off, frowning. "Why would Sasuke need me to save him? I must have dreamed that or something."

Sasuke's face had steadily become pale as Naruto talked. Naruto noticed the change of expression and panicked. "...Sorry! Naruto said something bad again, didn't he! I'm such a bad boy! I'm sorry!"

"No, no." Sasuke shook his head, then gingerly gathered Naruto up in his arms. "Don't apologize; you're right. You did save me from my own darkness once; you just don't remember. I-- I always hated that 'princess' in the song, because she sounded like such a weakling. But... I think I can kind of relate to her now. Darkness, huh."

Naruto looked confused. Sasuke placed a kiss on Naruto's nose. "Don't worry about it. I'm talking too much."

"But I like Sasuke's voice," Naruto said, smiling in relief. Sasuke didn't seem upset anymore, and whatever Sasuke was talking about, Sasuke being happy was all that mattered. "You know, you know, kiss Naruto? Naruto also likes it when Sasuke kisses him, because it feel all warm and fuzzy."

"Fuzzy?" Sasuke repeated, the corner of his mouth twitching slightly. But he granted Naruto's request and gently pressed his lips against Naruto's forehead. 

"Not there!" Naruto was scowling, pulling away from him. Sasuke blinked at him owlishly. "Sasuke, you're so stupid! If you like me, you're supposed to kiss my lips! Like how those grown-ups do in the movies and stuff! You like me, don't you?"

"But... If I do that... Naruto..." Sasuke helplessly said. He made a mental note to do something about the television. That mental note flew out of the window when Naruto stood on tiptoes and pressed his lips firmly against Sasuke's.

"Nnnn," Sasuke half-moaned, half gasped. He felt Naruto's arms tightening around his shoulders. Naruto tilted his head to match their lips better, deepening the kiss. Sudden desire to taste Naruto surged through Sasuke's hormone-ridden, teenaged body. After all, Naruto started this, right? He wasn't taking advantage of him. If the partner was willing, he wasn't doing anything wrong. So he carefully pushed his tongue between Naruto's soft, warm lips, past the incisors, meeting the other boy's tongue--

And Naruto promptly chomped down on his tongue.

"%*&$!!" Sasuke immediately spat, breaking the kiss. He pressed his hand against his mouth, silently emitting obscenities that he couldn't properly pronounce due to his tongue's injury. Naruto was staring at him with his wide eyes, looking confused and scared.

"Are you going to eat Naruto?" Naruto timidly asked, covering his own mouth with his hands. Sasuke snapped.

"Of course I won't, you dimwit, why--" 

Sasuke trailed off when he realized that Naruto wasn't joking. Besides, if Naruto did allow him that step, he really might have 'eaten' him. Not in the literal sense that Naruto was talking of, but... still. 

"Sorry," Sasuke mumbled. "I should have told you first. I'm not going to eat you, Naruto. That was just another kind of kissing; that's how sweethearts kiss each other. I..."

"Is Naruto Sasuke's sweetheart?" Naruto breathlessly asked, his eyes suddenly wide. Pink color flushed his cheeks, and he pressed his body closer to Sasuke. A smile was slowly spreading across his lips. "Am I? Really?"

Sasuke felt his own cheeks coloring. He resented his blood vessels for betraying him so freely. "I... No, well, but..." He wondered what happened to his elegance, his ability to remain poker-faced in all situations. But then again, he never had the object of his affection draped across his body. "Only if you want to."

"Sasuke!" Naruto cried, the smile lighting up his whole face now. His cheeks became a darker shade of pink. He ducked his head and pressed his forehead against Sasuke's collarbone. "Naruto is so happy! Can Naruto be Sasuke's bride when he grows up?!"

Sasuke choked on his saliva. He turned his head and violently hacked and coughed before he squinted his tearing eyes at Naruto. "What... where... Huh?" He knew he looked like an idiot. He didn't care.

"Because! In TV, you know, if you really love someone, you become their 'bride'. And then, you get naked and do naughty things. Right?"

Right. The mental note. Sasuke was going to disassemble the television as soon as he got his hands on that evil entity. What kind of things has Naruto been watching? More importantly, exactly how much did he know about... 'naughty things'?

"Um, Naruto," Sasuke started. He scratched the back of his head, swallowed, stared at the ceiling. Anything to avoid Naruto's eyes. "Being someone's... spouse, is a dedication for life. Surely, you will find one that is more suited to you than I. Besides, we're both too young to be thinking about such things."

"Naruto will grow up!" Naruto cheerfully said. "Naruto will grow big and strong! Then I can be Sasuke's bride?"

Sasuke then decided that being vague would help him out in a situation like this. Being vague never failed him before. "Maybe. If you still want to be my spouse when we're adults."

Sasuke almost emitted a squeak when Naruto hugged him, his lips crushing his. But he didn't. He was thankful. All those years of learning self-control was finally paying off. He carefully kissed Naruto back, taking care not to scare him this time. His tongue carefully outlined Naruto's bottom lip before he prodded the tip against Naruto's lips. There was a brief pause before Naruto opened his lips to him, allowing their saliva to intermingle. Sasuke's tongue tentatively touched Naruto's tongue, and the smaller tongue caressed his own, as if asking for forgiveness for biting it before. Sasuke felt light-headed. He was kissing willing Naruto. He was _deep_-kissing a _very_ willing Naruto. He gave out a happy little sigh as he tried to memorize every sensation, every touch. 

The doorbell rung.

Naruto pushed Sasuke away, his cheeks flushed, his lips still wet with saliva. Sasuke's saliva. Sasuke wasn't sure whether to be extremely angry or relieved. He didn't want to stop kissing Naruto, but if had there been no interruption... he probably would have done something both he and Naruto would end up regretting.

"Sasuke, someone came," Naruto pointed out, his breath a little uneven. The doorbell rung for the second time. Sasuke mutely nodded. He didn't trust his voice. He pointed at the room to indicate that Naruto should wait for him inside, then wobbled to the front door. Damn, he was aroused again...

"What the hell do you want?!" Sasuke growled as he nearly slammed the door on the un-welcomed visitor's face. Ino's smile didn't falter at the angry tone.

"Sasuke-kun! I have something that I want to discuss with you."

* * * * *

To Be Continued

My little brother is obsessed with Yuugi-ou. So I was watching that show with my little brother out of sheer boredom, and during that episode, there was a very strong shounen-ai hints between Mokuba and Noa(forgive me if I have gotten their names wrong). Even though I read first three volumes of the comic, I did not find Yuugi-ou interesting, but that particular episode sparkled my interest like it never did before. I tried to find Noa x Mokuba, but was disturbed to find lots and lots of Yami x Yuugi fictions instead. Lots of poorly written fan fictions, in fact. I hurriedly escaped from that fandom to the fandom I've been meaning to visit for quite a while now: Get Backers.

Whoa. So far, I haven't found one Get Backers fan fiction which made me roll my eyes and hit the 'back' button in annoyance. It's amazing how almost every Get Backers fans are awesome writers! In fact, I have found a new idol: X-parrot. Her story, "Darkness Visible", made me realize that it's possible to write in present tense and sound _good_. Her writing was descriptive, fluid, and just everything that I admire and never could write. I thought I had learned to write decently, but her writing suddenly made me realize just how pathetic my writing was. What was I thinking?

I moped a little, brooding about my horrible writing skills and embarrassed about even thinking that my writing was okay. I'm still a student. How could I have been so arrogant? I fixed up some of my older writings, read lots of poetry, and attempted to write again, but everything sounded wrong in my ears. I have a perfect pitch-- which means I can tell different tonal sound apart right away, without being told-- and my writing sounded as horrible to my ears as playing D-key instead of the A-key. I'm sorry for being weak. But I'll work harder. Because my readers are with me, I know I have to stand up and try harder. If I'm not perfect, then that means I just can improve more! I'll do my best to be a good writer someday!

On a side note, I found another Sasuke. ^^ He's a boy who hangs around Yukimaru in this animation called "Samurai Deeper Kyo". I read the comic book version, but apparently the comic book moves at a much slower pace than the animation. This Sasuke has white hair and golden eyes, and he's absolutely adorable! He's about as dirty tempered as Uchiha Sasuke, as far as I can tell. Come to think of it, most anime boys with the name -suke are cute. Daisuke, Kousuke, Sanosuke, Sasuke, Sousuke. ^^

I put up comedy fan comics on the yahoo group, so if you're bored, take a look. Hopefully they'll bring smile to your face, like they did to mine. ...believe it or not, most of my reviewers comment about this little babble I do at the end of chapter, rather then the chapter itself. ^^;; I wonder if that's a bad sign or a good sign...


	7. Single

__

Just how stronger must I be before I can live on without hurting anyone else? All that matters for me is that you're with me, Naruto, yet I can't even accomplish that. I can't even protect you.

I ended up embracing you, even while I knew that you would hate me for it when you remembered everything...

* * * * *

Chapter Six: -single-

* * * * *

It was irritating that the weather refused to warm up noticeably, even though the winter should be ending soon. The flower buds refused to open in such a harsh weather, and sprigs of wild grass barely managed. Ino felt her ears sting from the sudden warmth when she stepped into the wide, barren room that Sasuke invited her to. She gingerly rubbed her ears with her hands, smiling lightly when Sasuke set out a hot cup of tea in front of her. She knew he was irritated, but his face remained expressionless. He was a porcelain doll, a beautiful perfection that can not be warmed no matter how much affection was given to him. But his aloofness was also a part of his charm that many found irresistible, and Ino was no exception to this attraction.

"What do you want?" Sasuke asked. He hadn't bothered to pour himself a cup of tea. He watched as Ino carefully drank the tea, taking care not to scald her tongue. He never noticed that she didn't drink her tea with milk and sugar. He wondered if he should put the milk and sugar away.

"How cold; I can't even visit my friend now?" Ino asked, her voice full of sweetness that only a girl of her age can muster. Sasuke was indifferent.

"You know as well as I do that friendly visits are not something that I particularly welcome. State your business and leave."

Ino sighed lightly. "Well. You seem down lately, you know, with Sakura's death and all." She hurried as Sasuke's expression immediately stiffened. "I want to cheer you up. Come on, Sasuke-kun, let me make you feel better. I'll do anything to make you smile."

"You know," Sasuke flatly said. "You're starting to sound like Sakura when she's being annoying."

"But I'm different," Ino argued. "I'm so much smarter, so much better then she was, she ever could have been. If you're not ready for another relationship, I'll wait as long as you need. I understand you, Sasuke-kun, and I won't push my boundaries--"

Sasuke's eyes were rapidly hardening. "What _do_ you understand about me? I loathe pity, and I do not need a relationship of any sort. And how dare you to lower Sakura? She was a precious friend of mine, and if you utter another word that belittles her, I will make you regret it."

Ino's eyes trembled with hurt. "Sasuke-kun! So cold. I'm only stating the truth! A man needs a woman, Sasuke-kun! You can't be all alone for the rest of your life! I want to be your woman, Sasuke-kun, and I'll take such a good care of you!"

"I don't need a woman," Sasuke heavily said. "Look, I already have someone that I am rather fond of. You're a great girl, Ino, and I really think you should look for someone else."

"It isn't like you can control your feelings," Ino softly said. Sasuke did not reply, for he agreed. He understood how it felt to love someone and not be loved in return only too well, yet he couldn't be gentle to her. If he started a relationship out of pity, it will only bring hatred for both himself and Ino at the end. Wasn't Sakura the most recent victim of that train of thought? Deceiving one's own heart never worked. "Sasuke-kun... Does that mean I never have a chance?"

Sasuke did not have the heart to lie. "...right. You never have a chance. I will never love you that way."

Ino smiled, her smile small and bitter. "Oh, Sasuke-kun... You're so cruel."

"I know," Sasuke quietly said. He stood up. "I'll walk you to the door."

Sasuke started to walk past Ino, but stopped when she clutched the hem of his shirt. She slowly stood up, steadily looking at Sasuke. "I'm not going to ask who it is that you like. It isn't like I'm interested anyway. But grant me one wish, Sasuke-kun."

Sasuke stayed silent. His cold black eyes looked back at Ino's bright sky-colored eyes. He wasn't sure if Ino's eyes were so bright with tears that threatened to spill her eyes or anger. He flinched when Ino took his hand into hers, but didn't pull away.

"Let me have your first child."

Sasuke's face remained expressionless. Ino pulled his hand to lay it across her bosom, her eyes piercingly looking at Sasuke's face. "If you can't love me, at least let me have your child. Please, Sasuke... You need an heir anyway, right? I'll be such a good mother to your baby."

The corner of Sasuke's mouth twitched. Then he slowly chuckled, his laugh humorless and dry. He snatched his hand away, allowing it to fall helplessly to his side. "You... are insane. We're not even in our twenties yet, Ino. You're not planning to marry for the rest of your life for someone like me?"

"That's how much I care for you, Sasuke-kun," Ino quietly said. It wretched Sasuke to see that she was sincere about this. Just how many people had to be hurt because of him? "If it isn't you, I don't want to marry. I don't want any other child."

"I won't let a child be born out of loveless relationship, even if I have to die without passing my _sharingan_ to anyone," Sasuke said, turning away. "Come, I'll walk you to the door. I never wish to discuss this subject with you again, Ino."

There was a rustle of fabrics, and then Sasuke felt Ino tightly embracing his back. He felt soft curves of her body against his body with absolute clarity, and suddenly realized that she must have taken her clothes off. 

"Ino, what the..."

"Please, Sasuke-kun! Just once, please embrace me, please!"

Sasuke refused to turn around. "Ino, stop this! Put your clothes on--"

"Sasuke, you forgot the tea crackers... oh." 

Sasuke and Ino both froze as Naruto paused at the doorway, eyeing the two, a tray of tea crackers tightly clenched in his hands. His expression slowly changed from confusion to... what? Sasuke couldn't tell. Naruto slowly backed away, then hurriedly ran out of the room, the tray of _senbei_ scattering behind him to fall on the floor.

"What is _he _doing here?!" Ino asked, making a disgusted expression. Sasuke panicked and roughly pushed Ino away.

"Oh, f***... Ino, get out. Naruto! Naruto!!"

Ino watched, stunned, as Sasuke's expressionless face suddenly filled with anxiety, his eyes immediately softening and filling with concern. She slowly kneeled until she was sitting on the floor. Why didn't she notice before? All the brooding looks that Sasuke gave Naruto, the little smiles, the affectionate smacks on the head... It wasn't friendship that Sasuke had for the other boy.

"I lost to _Naruto_?" Ino muttered, a disgusted sneer marring her otherwise pretty face. She shivered as the open door allowed cold gust to enter the room. She covered up her bare torso, her eyes suddenly hard and cruel. She wordlessly left the Uchiha manor.

* * * * *

"Two weeks," Shikamaru seethed. "Two weeks, Chouji, and no response from Naruto! No matter how much I pound on his door, no matter how much I go visit him, he just won't open the door! Hell, I don't think there _is_ anyone in there!"

Chouji took a fistful of _galbi_(Korean BBQ ribs) flavored potato chips and stuffed it into his mouth, munching on the snack thoughtfully. "Why didn't you ask the freaky sand guy to see if Naruto is inside or not? He can do that sand thing and see if Naruto is inside or not, right?"

Shikamaru gave him a helpless shrug, plopping to a seat on Chouji's bed. "Well, that's the weird thing. Gaara just said that Naruto would be fine and that he's in good hands, and then he went back to his village. He's a freak, a freak. Argh, this is so troublesome!"

Chouji chuckled and held out his snack, offering it to Shikamaru, who declined. "Are you sure that Naruto is at his home? It seems that he was hurt badly; maybe he's staying with someone who can take care of him. I mean, he doesn't have parents or anything, right?"

"But Neji said..." Shikamaru paused. "Wait, did he say that Naruto went to his home?"

"Like I would know," Chouji good-naturedly retorted. Shikamaru was frighteningly intelligent, but he was dumber than Naruto when he was hot-headed. But that passionate attitude towards his true friends made what Shikamaru such a dependable friend, and Chouji was proud to have him as his best friend. "Why don't you ask Neji again? If Naruto is missing, Neji would be as angry as you are, and it'll definitely help to have Neji on the search party."

"I think Kiba will be more helpful, with his dog and all," Shikamaru said, already his thinking mode kicking in. Chouji took another fistful of snacks and nodded towards his telephone.

"Before you start thinking 100 different ways to organize the most efficient search party for Naruto, call Neji up first. He might not be lost, after all."

"Right," Shikamaru sheepishly said. "I'll do that. Damn, it's not healthy for me to get all excited like this. Let's go watch the clouds when we find Naruto and kick his ass around a bit for making us worry like this."

"You don't need to ask; I'll always go with you," Chouji warmly said. Shikamaru grinned at him, then turned to call Neji's home. The one who answered the phone was Hinata, who informed him with numerous apologies that Neji was not home. Shikamaru hung up and glared at the phone. 

"Try again later," Chouji suggested. Shikamaru agreed to do so.

* * * * *

Naruto was no where to be seen. Frustrated, Sasuke circled around the large land surrounding his home for the fifth time. He had been a step behind in following Naruto, and had lost sight of him. He thought that Naruto had run outside, but he hoped that Naruto didn't leave the Uchiha property. 

"Naruto, you dimwit," Sasuke finally exploded. "It's so cold; I'll kill you if you come down with a cold."

His foot made tapping noise against the ground. The ground, then, was frozen, which meant the temperature was below zero. Sasuke nervously chewed his bottom lip before returning to the house to check if Naruto had stayed inside. After all, he wasn't even sure if Naruto left the house in the first place.

Relief flooded him when Sasuke opened the door to the attic, used only for storage, and heard Naruto's soft voice. The room was dusty and dark, and Sasuke narrowed his eyes, barely making out Naruto's outline. He gingerly stepped into the room. A small cloud of dust rose under his feet with each step. Sasuke shivered. The room wasn't properly heated. Sasuke's relief, however, quickly was replaced by anxiety when he realized what kind of sounds Naruto was emitting. Naruto was crying.

"Go away," Naruto immediately snapped as Sasuke approached him. Sasuke hesitated, then carefully maneuvered his way between boxes and thick, heavy scrolls. It was beyond his understanding how Naruto managed to squeeze into the little space in the corner that he was occupying. He placed his hands on Naruto's shoulders, who sharply shrugged them off. "Don't touch me!"

"Naruto," Sasuke softly said. "Naruto, don't be such a brat. Let's get out of here; it's dusty and cold."

"What do you care?!" Naruto asked. "Sasuke... hiku... is a stupid liar. I hate Sasuke. Go away! U..eeee..."

"Naruto, come on. Let's get out before I'm forced to drag you out," Sasuke said, his tone almost pleading. But he was also getting impatient. "Naruto..."

"No!" Naruto stubbornly said. Sasuke's patience snapped. He wordlessly grabbed Naruto's collar and wound his arm about his waist, dragging him out of the little corner. As soon as Naruto was dragged out to more spacious part of the attic, Sasuke picked him up in his arms and swiftly descended the stairs to his own room.

"Let go! I don't wanna! Eku... I told you... hiku... not to touch me!" Naruto screeched, thrashing wildly in Sasuke's arms. Sasuke gritted his teeth, tightening his grip against Naruto's struggles. He finally managed to reach his room with Naruto still in his arms and dumped him into the blankets. Naruto immediately curled up under the blankets, hiding his entire body under the pile of blankets.

"Uzumaki Naruto! Cut this out!" Sasuke snapped. Only sobbing sounds reached him. "Naruto!"

"Sasuke said Naruto was his sweetheart!" Naruto sobbed, his voice muffled and almost unrecognizable under the pile of blankets. "So why are you doing naughty things with that girl child?! You can't have two people that you love!"

"I wasn't doing naughty things with Ino!" Sasuke said, grimacing. "Shit, I'll never do perverted things with anyone but you! Naruto, you have to believe me, I wasn't doing anything--"

Naruto suddenly sat up and pulled the blankets away from his tear-stained face. He looked furious. "You don't _do_ naughty things with Naruto."

"Of course not; I can't have you when you're not ready!" Sasuke said, exasperated. "Look, Naruto, I've waited ten years for you, and I can wait ten more years. Heck, I'll wait for rest of my life, if you're never ready. But right now, there is no way--"

"Is that why you're doing naughty things with someone else?" Naruto asked, his eyes filling with tears again. "Because you're-- um--" Naruto struggled to remember the word, then brightened as he remembered. "You're sexually frustrated?"

"I so didn't need to hear that from a seven-years-old," Sasuke muttered to himself, horrified. "I have a headache..."

"Then do naughty things with Naruto," Naruto softly said, inching his body closer to Sasuke. Sasuke's eyes widened as he scrambled to pull away from Naruto, but Naruto firmly took hold of his wrists. His big, childish eyes looked up at Sasuke solemnly. "I'll do anything to make Sasuke happy. So if Sasuke is frustrated, Naruto will be happy to do naughty things with Sasuke."

"Naruto-- you-- I--" Sasuke pleaded. He tried to make his words form a comprehensible sentences, and gave up. "I'm going for a walk."

"Sasuke doesn't want Naruto?" Naruto asked, scooting even closer to Sasuke until he was sitting between Sasuke's legs, kneeling so that their eyes met. "Is Naruto not good enough? Sasuke..."

"Naruto," Sasuke started. Naruto was too close to him. His scent washed over him, Naruto's eyes drowned him, his touches made him insane. He did something that he would regret later. He leaned forward until their lips met.

"Sasuke," Naruto happily breathed, smiling again through the tears still cringing to his long eyelashes. Sasuke gently wiped Naruto's tears away with his thumb, his fingers following the tear's trail until he lightly pressed his finger against the whisker marks on Naruto's cheek. They felt slightly dent, like permanent scars, but the skin still felt soft and warm around the whisker marks. 

"Naruto, once I start, I won't be able to stop," Sasuke murmured, his fingers dipping down to run along the smooth curve of Naruto's neck. His fingers traced a circle in the junction where Naruto's collarbones met. "Are you absolutely sure? We won't be friends anymore after this..."

Naruto's lips crooked into a wide grin. Sasuke saw some of the old Naruto, the cocky idiot with the warm heart. Real Naruto. Not the childish, memory-impaired Naruto, but real Naruto that he knew. "Do you have to ask, Sasuke?"

"Naru..." Sasuke breathed. Their lips met into a chaste kiss again, and Sasuke gently pushed Naruto down to rest among the sheets.

* * * * *

"I ended up touching you..." Sasuke said, sighing. "Sorry, Naruto..."

"Why are you apologizing?" Naruto asked. He lightly kissed the side of Sasuke's neck. "Naruto is so happy right now."

Sasuke's cheek colored into pink, and Naruto delightedly cried, "Sasuke, you're blushing, you're blushing!"

"Shut up," Sasuke grumpily said. He pulled up the sheet around their body as their body quickly cooled after sex. "Damn, I'll have to wash this tomorrow..."

"Naruto will help!" Naruto cheerfully said. Sasuke sighed at the thought of Naruto helping him do laundry-- heaven forbid-- and gave him a small smile, tucking his head into his neck so that his chin rested against the spiky blonde hair.

"See, Naruto... To do naughty things, we both have to get naked, and we wouldn't be standing up. Now do you believe that I didn't do anything with Ino?"

"If I didn't believe you, I wouldn't have done this with you to start with," Naruto retorted. "I'm going to sleep now."

Sasuke nodded, cradling Naruto's body against his own. Naruto quickly drifted off.

* * * * *

"Oh my," Iruka muttered. Kakashi looked overly happy. 

"So they were already that age! Kids nowadays, huh?"

"Bad timing?" Iruka asked, gesturing to the door. On the other side, there was silence, indicating that Sasuke and Naruto had finished whatever they were doing, and were probably asleep. Kakashi shrugged.

"Well, bad timing to discuss their future with them, but a good timing for inspirational sounds for my next novel!"

"You're disgusting," Iruka said, but he was smiling. Ever since Jiraiya retired as a writer, Kakashi had taken up the work, and he was rather good at it. Even though Iruka protested when Kakashi asked him to evaluate his novels, Iruka was proud of his friend who was pursuing his interest. "But it was about time that they stop staring at each other with such passionate gaze and actually do something about their feelings. I do hope they're happy."

"I thought they'd both be too stubborn to get to that stage" --Kakashi indicated to the door-- "but give vulnerable little Naruto to Sasuke, and the little pervert already touched him. It's been like what, two weeks?" He chuckled and started to walk away. "Iruka-sensei, you must feel like a mother marrying her little girl away."

"Naruto is hardly a girl, and I am hardly a mother," Iruka protested as he followed Kakashi, who heartily chuckled. Iruka paused as he glanced at the door for the last time. 

"Be happy, you two. If you're honest to your feelings, you can be truly happy."

The soft words easily were swept away by the wind. 

* * * * *

To Be Continued

Before my vacation was over, I thought I'd work on my RGZ-91 Re-Gundam Zeta. Master grade, 1/100 scale. I finished it after 10 hours, and now my fingers are killing me. I've forgotten how difficult it is to build a master grade; I've gotten too used to making SDs. Yes, who cares about UC; most people only care about AC(Gundam Wing). But I've watched the Gundam series since I was a little boy, and Amuro is as important as Hiiro in my mind. Besides, RGZ-91 is so beautiful! He even folds up into little 'bird mode', like Wing Zero. ^^

As usual, the uncut version with sex will be available at the yahoo group, or you can ask for it via e-mail. Did you know Kishimoto Masashi-sensei's favorite character is Sasuke? As he says, Sasuke really is hard to draw... X_x


	8. Snare

__

Things to buy: sesame seed, a small can of crab, bread crumbs, rice crackers, rings. Silver? Naruto might like gold better...

Things to do: class C mission, class B mission, class C mission. Pay the electric bill. Get adoption papers. 

I might be doing the stupidest thing I have ever done in my life so far. Even more stupid than the time I went off to join Orochimaru. I'm getting more and more trapped in this web I have cast upon myself in trying to find false happiness.

I don't care anymore.

* * * * *

Chapter Eight: -Snare-

* * * * *

Sasuke's eyes flickered upwards to check the time again. 7:55 AM. The knife moved deftly across the cutting board, leaving discs of scallion upon its wake. Sasuke added the scallions to the bubbling broth, then checked the soup's saltiness. Naruto favored soups that were a little saltier than what he was used to. It was probably because he was so used to all the MSG in _ramen_. 7:58 AM. He turned the stove off, placed the lid on the pot of soup, and started a countdown under his breath.

"...Three, two, one."

"Sasuke! I'm hungry!"

8:00 AM. Bingo.

"Then wash up and get your ass down here!" Sasuke yelled back in the general direction of his room. He opened the refrigerator to pour out glasses of water. There was a shuffling sound, followed by a thud.

"Nnyuu! It hurts!"

Sasuke was starting to think that the memory impair might be partly due to all the falling on his face that Naruto did. Mild concussion, surely. It was amazing Naruto did not manage to crack his head open yet.

"That dimwit," Sasuke muttered, setting a full cup of water down on the table and straightening up. He walked towards his room to see what kind of damage Naruto might have done to himself, his room, or both. Reaching his room, Sasuke pushed the door open and cocked an eyebrow at the bundle of blankets that greeted him. "Naruto?"

"Shashuke," a meek voice said. Naruto's head poked out from the blankets. His eyes were wide and confused. He sniffled. "My butt hurts."

"Oh," Sasuke said. And then, "_Oh_." He kneeled down to Naruto's level and carefully pulled Naruto out from the bundle of blankets, setting him on top of the blankets instead. Naruto blinked his large eyes rather owlishly at him, as if expecting Sasuke to somehow make him feel all better. Sasuke scratched the nape of his neck sheepishly. "Um. Does it hurt a lot? Can you move?"

"It really, really hurts when I move," Naruto explained. "Is it because I did bad things with Sasuke yesterday?"

"I think so," Sasuke admitted. His cheek started to color pink again at the reminder. He bit down on his lower lip so that his canines slightly showed. "I didn't think it would hurt you that much. Do you want me to bring your breakfast here?"

Naruto solemnly nodded. Sasuke stood up again and briefly regarded Naruto. Sasuke's pajamas were too big on him, and his left shoulder was left exposed, only the mid-knuckle of his fingers showing underneath the long sleeves. The silly dog-shaped cap that Naruto insisted on wearing sat askew on his messy blonde hair and hid almost half of his large blue eyes. Curled up in bundles of blankets, Naruto strangely looked like a seven-years-old, not a nineteen-years-old that he really was. Vulnerable, innocent, trusting. A mere child. 

Sasuke frowned as he broke out of his reverie and walked to the kitchen to retrieve Naruto's breakfast. Naruto was not a child. Naruto was his friend, someone he crossed the boundaries of childhood into adulthood together. Just because his current mentality was like a child's did not mean that Naruto was really a child. Or was he? But that would make everything so much more complicated, and Sasuke didn't want any more guilt weighing him down. Naruto was Naruto. And for now, that was good enough.

Sasuke almost dropped the bowl that he was scooping steamed rice into when the doorbell rung. Frowning in displeasure-- he avoided the phone and the door like a plague--, Sasuke opened the main gate and poked his head out, ready to slam the door closed in case the visit was not a welcomed one. His frown quickly turned into an expression of surprise, then unease as Sasuke lightly bowed his head from his position behind the door.

"Good... morning."

"Sasuke," Jiraiya said in a way of greeting, cocking his head slightly to acknowledge the bow. Tsunade was more warm in her greeting, even if she was not downright affectionate.

"Morning, Sasuke. We have some issues that we wish to discuss with you and Naruto. Is it an inconvenient time?"

"No, not really," Sasuke said. No time was a convenient time for him, anyway. "Please come in."

"Excuse us for the intrusion," Jiraiya and Tsunade said, stepping into the Uchiha manor. Jiraiya looked overly cautious, which Sasuke found uncomfortable. Since Sasuke had turned to Orochimaru for power, Jiraiya had never quite forgiven him. Which was perfectly understandable, but it was rather unpleasant to be treated like a wild animal that would lounge at someone as soon as his back was turned. The sliver of darkness that he dipped his soul into made him more understanding about all the hatred Naruto must have been subjected to over the years. Of course, the hatred he received at least had a logical reason behind it, but in Naruto's case, it was unjustified. But human society worked like that.

"Would you two like some breakfast?" Sasuke asked. He picked up the tray of rice and side dishes. "Naruto and I were just about to have ours."

"It looks delicious, but we already had ours," Tsunade cut in before Jiraiya asked if he added poison to the meal. "Shall we wait until you two are finished with your breakfast?"

"Oh no, I do not feel like eating right now anyway. Please feel free to talk to us right now; it is me that you two wish to talk to more than Naruto, right?"

The two adults silently followed Sasuke to his room, where Naruto was waiting for his food.

"Finally! I thought I was going to starve to death-- Who's the old fart and big sister?" Naruto brightly asked, waving at Jiraiya and Tsunade. Tsunade brightened at not being called a hag for once, while Jiraiya twitched.

"Old fart," Jiraiya repeated. "I think I liked that 'perverted hermit' thing better."

"Tsunade-sama and--" Sasuke paused. He wasn't very close to Jiraiya, and the only reference that he heard often indeed was the 'perverted hermit' title. He remembered that it started with the sound 'ji', but not much else. He briefly considered if Jiraiya would mind very much at being introduced as 'ji-san'. At his silence, Jiraiya looked more annoyed.

"Jiraiya, Jiraiya. If you're supposed to be so smart, at least learn the name of the three legendary warriors." Jiraiya turned to bark at Naruto. "And you! I spend the best years of my life babysitting a snotty brat like you, and you dare to forget about me?"

"I'm not so old that you would spend the best years of your life with me," Naruto retorted. "Weren't the best years of your life over like fifty years ago, old fart?" Ouch. That hurt. Tsunade nervously regarded Jiraiya, who was slowly turning from red to purple to blue. Sasuke also sensed danger. He coughed.

"Um. So what is it that you wished to speak to me about?"

"It's about Naruto," Tsunade started. Sasuke tensed. Naruto continued to eat his breakfast, regardless of Jiraiya who gave him murderous looks. "As you know, psychological therapy is not my field. But we can give him his memories back and work from there, if you two so wish."

"My memories?" Naruto asked after swallowing whatever was in his mouth. "What's that psycho thing?"

Tsunade ignored him. "One of the Yamanaka clan can probe into his mind and open up whatever memory he had concealed. I think it will be better to give Naruto his memories back than to just leave him like this. After all, Sasuke, you can't take care of him forever."

"Why not?" Sasuke hotly asked. He immediately recoiled. "...excuse my rudeness."

"What if you decide to get married, Sasuke? How would your wife like taking care of _your_ best friend who has the mentality of a seven-years-old?" Jiraiya asked. He didn't bother trying to hide thorns in his words. "Naruto is not a stray dog that you can just feed and play with whenever you remember to, Sasuke. He is a human being."

"I'm aware of that." Sasuke glanced at Naruto. Naruto had stopped eating and was staring at the three people around him in turn, apparently confused out of his mind. His eyes met with Naruto's, and Naruto pleadingly looked at him. Pleading for what? Sasuke wasn't sure. "If Naruto never gets better, I am willing to adopt him as my son and be legally responsible for him for the rest of his life."

"You're _kidding_," Jiraiya groaned. "Do you really have feelings for him _that_ way? You're willing to place him under your records, make him take your last name as his?"

"...yes." 

Sasuke took a deep breath and reached out to take Naruto's hand in his own. "I... like Naruto. If he accepts my feelings, I wish to marry him and place him under my records as my son. I would never marry anyone else."

"Oh Sasuke, that's so sweet!" Tsunade cried. Jiraiya elbowed her on the side. Tsunade regained her composure. "But marriage is out of question right now. What about his mental problems? What if he suddenly remembers everything? I think before you two start a relationship, there is a need to take care of this problem first. After all, Naruto is suffering from severe depression and suicidal tendencies, and that won't be pretty if it suddenly resurfaces."

"Neji is studying psychology along with pathogenic diseases, so if Ino and Neji work together, it might really help Naruto out," Jiraiya added. "But we wanted to ask you two's opinion first. Don't you want to remember everything again, Naruto?"

"No." Naruto clung to Sasuke, suddenly looking terrified. "I don't want to remember. I want to stay with Sasuke. Sasuke said I would hate Sasuke if I remember. I don't want anything that would make me hate Sasuke, because Sasuke is the one I like the most." His voice started to tremble and crack. "I suddenly have incredible insecurity, like I'll regret it if I get my memories back. There are things that will hurt me if I remember. I have dreams that scare me, dreams that I don't remember yet they scare me. Those are my memories, aren't they?! If I remember...!"

"Naruto! Calm down!" Sasuke broke into the rambles, gently shaking Naruto's shoulders. "Naruto. You don't have to remember! If it hurts you, you don't have to! I'll make you happy, Naruto, I'll do anything for you--"

"But that won't be happiness," Jiraiya quietly said, giving a mournful look to Naruto. "Naruto, this isn't like you. You don't run away."

"So he isn't allowed to be a child for once?" Tsunade asked. Jiraiya glared at her. She steadily looked back at him. "He's still so hurt, Jiraiya, if we open up his wound again... I think he'll break..."

"Naruto isn't such a weakling," Jiraiya bitterly said. He stood up. "I'm leaving."

"Well, we just wanted to let you two know that it can be done-- giving him his memories back, that is," Tsunade said, standing up with Jiraiya. "But if you two do not want it, no one is going to force you to gain the memories back."

Naruto buried his head in Sasuke's chest, trembling. Sasuke gently rubbed the small of Naruto's back, looking up at the two. Sasuke gave them a small smile. The smile looked painful.

"I think-- I think we would like our fake happiness."

* * * * *

"Then I'll be right back," Sasuke said, pulling the bandage with his teeth to make it wound about his hand more tightly. "Neji should be here to check up on you soon, and I'll be back from the mission as soon as possible, so please watch over the house."

"Have a safe trip," Naruto replied. He watched Sasuke pressing his index finger against the blade of his kunai to check its sharpness. "Sasuke?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you mean that?"

"Mean what?" Sasuke asked. He was satisfied with the sharpness of his knives and were tucking them into the pouch strapped around his upper leg. Naruto stared down at the blanket that he was sitting on.

"About marrying me."

The kunai plunged down and sharply grazed the tip of Sasuke's finger as he violently startled, his face brightly turning the shade of a ripe tomato. "S... stupid! Don't ask me something like that!" Sasuke snapped, sucking at his bleeding finger. Naruto picked at a thread coming out from the edge of the blanket.

"...so you didn't mean that."

"I did mean it," Sasuke grumpily said. The cut was tiny, but it was like a paper-cut in that it will hurt like bitch later. "But you're not old enough to get married. I mean, you are, but the marriage can be nullified because you're not in your right state of mind. Aside from the fact that homosexual marriages are illegal anyway."

All the legal jargons flew right over Naruto's head. Sasuke realized this only too late when Naruto proved that he understood only about 10% of what he had just said. "So you don't want to?" Naruto softly asked, disappointment etched in his voice.

"Tell you what," Sasuke quietly said. "Since we're playing this 'let's pretend we have a happy life' game, why don't we just play it to the fullest? Let's get married this weekend, Naruto, and I'll put you under my files. Anything to make you happy, Naruto, anything. Before you get your memories back, I'll give you the happiest life I can manage."

"Sasuke!" Naruto cried, leaping up from his seat to properly jump on top of Sasuke. Except he forgot about his body's condition. He immediately fell back on the blankets as pain shot up from his behind. Tears stung at his eyes. He clutched the blanket and muttered unintelligible words. Sasuke guiltily leaned over him and received a smack on the face by a pillow.

"It's all Sasuke's fault!" Naruto whined, his eyes narrowing into mere slits. Sasuke was about to engage Naruto in a pillow fight with few well versed insults, except he suddenly remembered his mission. Important dates or work always had the annoying habit of being forgotten until you were late. They had even more annoying habit of being remembered at critical moments. Actually prelude to pillow fight was not really a critical moment, but still.

"Oh shoot, I'll be really late. Naruto, bye," Sasuke hurriedly said, leaning over to give a quick kiss to Naruto's forehead. Naruto kissed his cheek in return.

"Bye, Sasuke."

Sasuke nodded and splintered out of the room. He nearly slammed the front door on Neji's face, who had raised his hand to ring the doorbell. The corner of Neji's lips twitched lightly.

"Well, good morning to you, too."

"Mission, must go, take good care of Naruto," Sasuke muttered, rushing past him. Shikamaru and Chouji, who were standing behind Neji, meekly protested.

"Hey, we wanted to talk to you--"

"Later," Sasuke said, swerving out of the way as Shikamaru tried to grasp his shirt. Shikamaru groaned.

"Why do everything have to be so troublesome?"

Chouji laughed as he followed Neji into the house, the boys muttering 'excuse us for the intrusion' upon entering the house. Neji opened the door to Sasuke's room. Unlike Sasuke, who had lost considerable weight, got his left eye busted, and looked sicker in general, Naruto looked much more healthier. The playful light was back in his eyes, even though the former determination and will to fight had been extinguished. His cheeks were rounded and rosy. Naruto looked up as the boys entered.

"Neji-chan!" He happily said. Neji was the first one he saw after his memories were forced to the corner of his mind, the first friend he made in this fake childhood. He frowned at the other two. "Who are those guys?"

Shikamaru looked uncomfortable. This was not Naruto he knew. He was a completely different person, the child who was always avoided and feared. The child his parents told him not to go near. Neji's voice was soft and pleasant when he spoke to Naruto.

"This is Shikamaru, and this is Chouji. They are your friends, Naruto. You had lots of friend, you know. They came to visit you."

"How do you feel?" Chouji asked, plopping down into the floor after pushing the blankets out of the way. It was amazing how Chouji didn't seem affected by Naruto's change. He treated him as he always did, friendly, but definitely not coddling. Shikamaru envied his friendliness, his ease with other people. He still wasn't sure how he was supposed to act around Naruto.

"My butt hurts, but I'm fine otherwise," Naruto replied, smiling. Careless smile. Completely childish. This was definitely not Naruto. "You know, you know, guess what happened today, Neji-chan!"

"What happened, Naruto? Tell Neji all about it," Neji prodded. Naruto's smile grew wider.

"Sasuke said we'll get married this weekend!"

* * * * *

-Conversation With Self-

Super-ego: So what were you thinking, exactly, when you signed up for classes so that you have to leave home at 6:30 AM and come back home at 12:00 AM?

Ego: It seemed like a good idea at the time. *coughs up blood and falls over to die*

Id: Oooh, look how much homework we have! Let's write fan fictions, fan fictions! Let's read doujinshi, doujinshi! Procrastinate!

Super-ego: ... *drags other two away by their ears*

I've gotten lots of 'child molester' comments. ^^;; Erm, well, it doesn't really matter to me either way, because I was desensitized a long time ago by all those shotacon comics. Technically this doesn't classify as such, since Naruto has nineteen-years-old body. Writing a shotacon was the last thing on my mind; all I wished to portray were the consequence that follows when you deceive your own heart and try to gain false happiness. Sakura made that mistake, and Sasuke is now making that mistake. I think that's the wrong way to live. Life is so short; how will we be happy if we deceive ourselves?

How I portray characters in fan comics/fictions usually has nothing to do with how I feel about a character. I like both Kankuro and Ino, even though they're the antagonists of Manazashi and Ano Toki. ^^;; Nn, talking about charas, Tezuka Kunimitsu has such a bad singing voice! ^^;; He's my favorite character in Tennis no Oujisama, so I was very sad to find out he has same voice actor as Treize from Gundam Wing. Treize is one of really few anime charas that I really dislike...!


	9. Split

__

Naruto became Uchiha Naruto few hours ago. He's sleeping at my side after making love right now. He's really loud in bed. He bit my neck tonight, and the mark stings a little, but it's not bad. He curls up like a kitten when he sleeps. He's really cute. 

I'm a human, so I'm weak and selfish. After talking with Gaara-- imagine, Gaara of all people-- I realized that I was trying to be happy, not trying to make Naruto happy. He finally talked some sense into my thick skull. I was being a coward and was running away. I need to believe in Naruto, respect his opinions, and step forward into the future. I can't cling onto this past Naruto for eternity. I don't want a dream that looks like a dream. I'm old enough to live in a reality.

I'm going to talk to the Hokage-sama tomorrow. I just hope Naruto wouldn't hate me too much when he gets his memories back. But... that's too much to wish for, I guess.

* * * * *

Chapter Nine: -Split-

* * * * *

Sasuke shook the water droplets out of his hair as he broke the surface of the lake for air. Swimming in the lake when it was cold enough to snow was not his idea of fun. in fact, he didn't like to swim even during the hottest weather. Perhaps the fact that most of his spells were fire or electric-based was the reason for his dislike of water. But Sasuke didn't really have a choice about his missions. After all, he should be grateful for even being accepted back to the Hidden Leaf Village.

The current mission didn't even deserve its c-rank except he was required to swim across few lakes, and one of the lakes had piranhas. But otherwise it was only delivery of a package from the Hidden Leaf to the Hidden Mist. Completely insipid.

'The men-eating fish won't even attack if you don't have any fresh wound so that they won't smell any blood,' Sasuke scoffed. Except a thought quickly crossed his mind. He did have a fresh wound. He had nicked his finger while talking with Naruto only hours before. Sasuke paled and spun his head around to see a school of fishes swimming towards him. 'Oh... shit.'

Sasuke rapidly considered his options. He was in the middle of the lake; he wouldn't be able to out-swim the fishes to land. Fire jutsu or taijutsu was considerably weakened in water; he couldn't afford to attack with only 30% or so of his power. And chidori would take care of the fishes, but electrocute him in the process. Things did not look too great.

But then again, the fate always had a way of screwing up his life like that.

'If I make some clones and distract the fishes with them,' Sasuke postulated. He frowned. 'No, I don't have a lot of chakra right now; I need a plan that would use up less chakra.'

He regretted that he hadn't kept his body in the best of conditions. Between being anorexic and drinking alcohol, his body was pretty much a wrack for the moment. And he was supposed to be an elite soldier, too. Naruto would have found this situation hysterical. The all-mighty Sasuke, getting killed by some puny sushi ingredients? Sasuke sighed and checked the distance between himself and the piranhas again. Less than three meters. Danger zone. 

Sasuke frowned and accessed his situation again. Water, water, and some more water. There were some trees overheard, but it was too high for him to reach. Perhaps if he propels his remaining chakra into the water, the momentum of propulsion would be enough for him to grab onto one of the branches. Sasuke closed his eyes and willed himself to calm down. A rush of chakra made his feet tingle, and he took a deep breath before releasing the burst of raw chakra into the water beneath him.

Sasuke shut up into the air, sending a thick cloud of water vapor behind him. He frantically grabbed at the branches. The force of the blast made it hard to grasp onto the tree branches, but Sasuke managed after few tries. The friction skinned his palm, and blood dripped between his fingers to the water below. The piranhas became frantic, leaping into the air and storming around the blood. 

Sasuke breathed a sigh of relief, which was cut short when the branch he was clinging onto snapped. He didn't have enough chakra left to try again.

'I'm dying,' Sasuke thought, surprised. '...what an uncool way to die...'

A cloud of sand suddenly enveloped him, and the current promptly traveled up until Sasuke was unceremoniously dumped into the canopy formed by the top branches. He tensed, his fingers searching for the poisoned darts. 

"Gaara... What are you doing here?"

"Saving your ass," Gaara said, rocking slightly from his perch among the branches. "Honestly, I thought you were smarter than this."

"I thought so, too," Sasuke grudgingly admitted. "Why did you save me?"

"...Naruto will be sad if you die," Gaara said. "Besides, you are a worthy opponent. I should be the one to kill you, not some stupid fishes."

Sasuke dryly laughed. "I don't know if I should thank you or punch you."

"You are emancipated," Gaara noted, ignoring Sasuke's rhetorical question. "I thought you would be happy, now that Naruto has gone to you."

"I didn't know you cared."

"I don't. I need you to be healthy to take good care of Naruto right now. And I do not want to fight a weak opponent."

"And people think _I'm_ antisocial?" Sasuke grumbled. He sighed and stared at his hands. Short silence flew. When Sasuke talked, Gaara patiently listened. "After-- after things happened, Naruto has been very loving and trusting towards me. Just before he lost his memory, you know, I confessed to him and was rejected. So I feel that I am taking advantage of him. After all, his mentality is that of a child, but his appearance is that of normal Naruto."

Sasuke crossed, then uncrossed his fingers. Left thumb on top of right thumb. That was a recessive trait, wasn't it? "I feel dirty... I don't want to eat, don't want to sleep, don't want to live. I can't help but hate myself in this kind of situation, huh?"

"You are confused," Gaara flatly said. "Even if his mentality is that of a child, his personality the same. Even if it is a young Naruto, Naruto is still Naruto. Do you not agree?"

Sasuke grew bored of his hands and looked across the lake. "...yes. He is Naruto. Perhaps I'm just afraid of the differences between Naruto of our era and the Naruto of the past era. Because his current self rejected me, while his former self accepted me."

"Nonsense," Gaara was frowning in disapproval. "The feeling of 'like' does not change across time. Just because the nineteen-years-old self learned that the society does not accept homosexuals does not mean that he likes you any less. You just rushed things, that is all. Naruto does not dislike you."

Sasuke looked startled. "But..."

"You have to trust Naruto. The nineteen-years-old self, that is." Gaara turned his head to steadily look at Sasuke. "The fragile happiness you cling to looks so pathetic. Naruto is the only one that have shown me true kindness, the only one that I have any feelings for other than hatred. Do you not think that such kind person deserves true happiness?"

Sasuke slowly stood up. "...I have to finish my mission." he turned to leave, but paused and looked back at Gaara. "...thank you."

Gaara did not move. Sasuke left to complete his mission. Gaara sighed lightly. 

"Humans," he scornfully muttered. 

* * * * *

Ino looked up from arranging a flower basket. "What do you mean by that , Hinata-san?"

"Hokage-sama would like to restore Naruto-kun's memories," Hinata explained. "For that, she thought the Yamanaka clan's abilities would be the best. Because, you know, the memories are suppressed so deeply."

"We don't have a psychologist in this village," Ino commented. She pushed aside white roses to add tiger lilies. "What does she plan to do? Even if I do somehow succeed in bringing up his memories, he'll just try to kill himself again, right?"

Not that she could care any less, but.

"Repressed amnesia isn't even acknowledged by most psychiatrists," Hinata haltingly said. "I doubt anyone from another village would come to help Naruto-kun for such an obscure case. Not to mention Naruto-kun's demon would scare everyone away anyway. So Neji Oniisan and I would try to make him confront the reality."

"I thought your father did not wish for you to study to be a medic ninja?" Ino asked, slightly surprised. Hinata blushed.

"I... Yes, father thought it would be too dangerous, and that I would not be good enough... But I'm more interested in psychological aspects than Neji Oniisan, so Hokage-sama... asked me..."

She brightened. "Especially because... you know, we're Naruto-kun's friends. It's very dangerous in recalling suppressed memories because anything the person helping with the remembering 'suggests' can be easily incorporated in the so-called recalled memories. So if it's done by an enemy, you know, Naruto-kun could have horrible false memories, and it will be a big trouble!"

"You should talk to your father. I think you'll be a great medic-nin," Ino said. She tied a red ribbon on the handle of the flower basket. "Please tell Hokage-sama that I will be happy to help out."

"Tha, thank you, Ino-san!" Hinata happily whispered. As Hinata ran off to find Tsunade, Ino stared down at the last of tiger lily in her hands. She started to add the flower to the bouquet, but crushed the delicate petals in her hands instead. A smile played at her lips. It wasn't a pretty smile.

"Suggestions, huh."

* * * * *

It is know that typically males are less willing to show their emotions than females. Tears and complaints of pain are considered a weakness and are scorned. In general, societies are not very accepting of a male's feelings, despite the fact that males are just as emotional as females.

Sasuke would have definitely complained had not the societal restraints prevented him from doing so. Shikamaru's grip on his wrist was starting to be really painful; he had sprained it when he was holding on to a branch for dear life only hours before. And he appeared to be walking around in the Uchiha property very aimlessly. Either he was trying to find the most secluded place to discuss something, or he was walking around just to annoy Sasuke. Whatever the reason was, he was doing a good job of annoying him. Sasuke briefly considered smacking him, but he refrained. 

"State your business and leave," Sasuke finally snapped. He wasn't the most patient of mortals.

Shikamaru spun around. The tip of his nose was tinting red from the cold air. "You better have a very, very good explanation as to why Naruto said that he was going to marry you this weekend."

"I do have a good reason," Sasuke said. "Because it's true. We're going to get married. So?"

"So," Shikamaru repeated in disbelief. Then: "Are you nuts?"

"Probably."

"Don't give me that! Naruto is out of his mind, he's your best friend, and in case you haven't noticed, he's a boy?!"  
"He's gender is irrelevant."

"It's very irrelevant! Naruto's not gay, and you-- Is this why you brought him to your home? To seduce him?"

Sasuke frowned at the sky as if he was giving the question a serious thought. "No."

Shikamaru grabbed Sasuke's shirt's collar. "Listen, Uchiha--"

"No, you listen," Sasuke angrily said, pushing Shikamaru's hands away. "Who are you to say something about this? We're of legal age to decide upon whom our spouses would be, and Naruto has accepted my proposal. Keep out of this!"

"He's my friend!" Shikamaru snapped back. "He has suffered so much being an outcast as a demon; the last thing he needs is to have a gay marriage with cursed one like you!"

"I love him!" Sasuke muttered, his voice suddenly dying out to be a mere whisper. "Isn't that enough of a reason?! I have watched him from the distance for such a long time, and he finally wants to be mine-- Is that so much to ask? One person in my life?"

Shikamaru looked slightly taken back, but his eyes remained hardened. "I think you have mistaken pity for love. Naruto does not love you back; he only pities you. You know that."

"I know that..." Sasuke said. "I... know that..."

* * * * *

"Naruto, you're going to dirty your suit if you run around like that," Sasuke chided. He was starting to regret buying a white suit for Naruto. He should have gotten him the black one, after all. 

"But Sasuke, there are flowers, flowers!" Naruto cried with all the delight of a child. He held up a handful of cherry blossom petals in his hands, then threw the petals into the sky. "Look, it's raining cherry blossoms!"

"It's too early for cherry blossoms," Sasuke softly said. "These poor flowers... This is false spring; they will die when the weather gets cold again..."

"What?" Naruto asked. He stopped swirling amongst the flowers and smiled at Sasuke. "Did you say something?"

"No, never mind," Sasuke replied. He held out his hands. "Come here, Naruto."

Naruto obediently ran up to Sasuke, who enveloped him in a brief embrace. Sasuke stepped away from him to look at Naruto in the eyes. Naruto looked a bit puzzled, but he still smiled up at him. Sasuke took hold of Naruto's hands.

"I, Uchiha Sasuke, do solemnly promise to accept Uzumaki Naruto as my rightful spouse in the name of my ancestors."

"I, Uzumaki Naruto, promise to accept Uchiha Sasuke as... um..."

"Rightful spouse."

"Right, rightful spouse in the name of my ancestors," Naruto echoed, grinning. Sasuke lifted up Naruto's left hand and slipped a thin silver band in his forth finger, and held up his own left hand so that Naruto can place ring on his finger as well. He leaned down and kissed Naruto's lips.

"Are we married now?" Naruto asked. Sasuke smiled and nodded. Sadness was tinting his smile. 

"Yes, Naruto. We are married now. You are Uchiha Naruto from now on."

Naruto brushed away a cherry blossom petal away from Sasuke's hair and stood on his toes and give a hug to Sasuke. His voice was muffled in Sasuke's shoulder. "I'm happy..."

"I'm happy, too."

A lone tear slowly made its way down Sasuke's cheek.

"I'm happy, too, Naruto..."

* * * * *

Argh, sleet... I like rain, I like snow, but sleet is the worst. It's like I like math, I like science, but put them together(Physics) and I hate it with every ounce of my being. It's already February, and after that brief false spring, weather had been getting worse and worse. I hope you're in good health; I'm coughing so much that I'm coughing up blood. ^^;;

One of my reviewers(all of whom I love to death, and would give them all something if I had two pennies to rub together) gave me the idea for the first paragraph! Thank you very much! She asked if I was going to do anything with the paper cut I gave Sasuke last chapter, and at first I was like, 'Whoa, she's into details...' but then I realized, 'No, she's a genius! That gives me a perfect excuse to get Gaara and Sasuke together for a little man-to-man talk!' Oh, and I also got my first male fan! *laughs* All I can give you guys for now are fan fictions and doujinshi scanlations; sorry. Aa, I got the new Naruto doujinshi up in the yahoo group! Please go download it; it's fun stuff. ^^

Things that are cool right now: Social cognition(especially 'fundamental distribution error') and genetics(especially the Punnett Square and alleles of bloodtypes). Prince of Tennis the Musical. Yanagi Kotarou and KIMERU. Tangerine. Blue berry. *love love*


	10. Shatter

__

I lost him.

I can't reach him anymore. I lost him. I was too afraid to find him, and now I lost him. I'm scared. God, please forgive me. Please return Naruto to me. It's all right even if he hates me. Please, just return him to me. Please... I'll do anything...

* * * * *

Chapter Ten: -Shatter-

* * * * *

Naruto groggily opened his eyes, cringing when the rays of sunlight made his eyes sting. When his surroundings came into focus, he realized that Sasuke was watching him. Sasuke lay next to him, his chin resting against his hand. When his eyes met Naruto's, he gave him a small smile. "...good morning."

"Sasuke," Naruto cheerfully acknowledged. He tilted his head slightly to kiss Sasuke's cheek. He shivered against the cold morning air. Sasuke wordlessly gathered up Naruto's smaller form into his arms, sharing his warmth with him. Sasuke broke the comfortable silence.

"...you know, Naruto?"

"Mm?" Naruto's cheek was pressed against Sasuke's shoulder. He didn't bother to look up.

"Let's get your memories back."

Naruto's expression stiffened. "No."

"Naruto..."

"I don't want to! Sasuke doesn't want that, either, right?!"

Sasuke felt guilt welling up in his chest. "Right. But you have to, Naruto. That's the only way that we can take another step forward. At this rate, we'll be trapped in our past." Sasuke used his free hand to cup Naruto's cheek. Naruto's cheek felt soft and warm against his hands. It was a reassuring sensation. "Let's be more truthful, Naruto."

"I don't want to be truthful if that means I can't be with Sasuke." Naruto's hand overlapped Sasuke's hand on his cheek. "Please, Sasuke, don't make me remember. Don't drive me away from you. Please..."

Sadness mingled with guilt. "Your happiness is more important to me than being with you, for that is my selfishness. You can't be happy if you're not yourself."

"If my happiness is so important to you, why are you trying to take it away?" Naruto solemnly asked. His tone was subdued. "You are my greatest happiness, Sasuke."

Sasuke's hold on Naruto's cheek tightened. "Don't say such horrible things, Naruto. One unworthy as me can hardly be anyone's happiness."

"What are you saying, Sasuke." Naruto smiled coyly. "I'm a demon, remember? I don't even deserve happiness in the first place. You've given that happiness to me."

Naruto lightly kissed Sasuke. Chaste, affectionate kiss that showed how much Naruto trusted Sasuke. "I only need Sasuke. Only you..."

"Naruto..."

"Shashuke, I luff you," Naruto affectionately said, pulling Sasuke's head to rest against his warm chest. Sasuke deeply inhaled the warm comforting fragrance of his lover and spouse, nuzzling against the flesh. 

"...I like you so much, too... But Naruto, how about your dreams and hopes? Remember that you wanted to become a hokage? Don't you want to remember everything and fulfill your dreams?"

"I don't need something like that," Naruto cheerfully said. "I'm Sasuke's, remember? All I need is to be good wife to Sasuke. That's more than enough for me."

Sasuke pulled away from Naruto, astonished. "...excuse me?"

"I don't want to become something as silly as hokage, Sasuke! I'll just be Sasuke's little Naruto." Naruto smiled, but that smile was empty and childish. Sasuke suddenly felt like choking. This was wrong. Gaara was right; this happiness was so fragile. What kind of happiness left Naruto without dreams and hopes of his own?! He had robbed Naruto of everything; his identity, his true dreams and hopes, his greatest ambition. This Naruto wasn't Naruto; this was a mere shadow, a child ghost of true Naruto that he had known. He was like a pretty, expensive doll. It was fun to play with, but it wasn't a human. This Naruto was soulless, because the true Naruto was hiding in the corner of this Naruto's mind. 

"...oh, gods," Sasuke murmured, horrified. "I'm sorry, Naruto... I'm so sorry..."

"Why?" Naruto asked, looking a bit confused. Sasuke shook his head and kissed Naruto's forehead.

"...I... I'll make this all better. I promise. I'm so sorry..." Sasuke pulled out from under the covers and started to get dressed. "Naruto, I'm going out for a little. Take a nap, okay? I'll make you something to eat once I get home."

Naruto gave him a curious look, but he obediently nodded. Sasuke pulled the blanket to cover Naruto well, then left to find Tsunade.

* * * * *

Ino watched Sasuke rapidly running out of his house. She smiled. Perfect; now Naruto would be all by himself. She jumped down from the tree that she had been sitting on and gracefully landed on the Uchiha manor's garden. Her feet glided noiselessly over the ground, and she silently walked to Sasuke's room, where that disgusting boy should surely be at.

Sure enough, Naruto was curled up in Sasuke's blankets, fast asleep. Ino frowned at the stench of sex that filled the room. The thought of Sasuke doing something like that with another boy made her want to vomit. Did another penis turn Sasuke on? She wondered. She was even more repulsed when she realized that Naruto didn't wear anything underneath the blankets and had kiss marks all over his body. 'Just like a slut,' she sneered. She kneeled down and gently shook Naruto's shoulder to rouse him.

"...Sasuke?" Naruto softly asked, his blue eyes fluttering open. His eyes widened when he noticed Ino. He hurriedly pulled away, clutching the blankets tightly as if to protect himself from her with blankets. "You're... that..."

"Ino. Yamanaka Ino," Ino cheerfully said. "I just wanted to talk to you, Naruto. That's okay, isn't it?"

Naruto regarded her with distrustful eyes and did not reply. Ino shrugged. "You're going to listen, whether you like it or not. Because Sasuke-kun isn't here to protect you, little Naruto."

Naruto suddenly wanted to run away. He didn't like the smile on her face.

* * * * *

"Tsunade-sama," Sasuke softly said, respectfully bowing down to her. Tsunade turned to him with a smile.

"Sasuke. ...did something happen? Your expression is rather strange."

Sasuke lowered his eyes and did not reply. Tsunade patiently waited until Sasuke was ready to say it with his own mouth.

"...I was wrong. This Naruto is not the Naruto that I know. Please... please give Naruto his memories back."

Tsunade gently placed her hand on Sasuke's shoulder. "Naruto won't be accepting towards you once he gets his memories back."

"Yes ma'am," Sasuke said. His voice sounded choked.

"You will still like him even if he does like not you back? Even if liking him will cause you pain and Naruto would curse at your selfishness?"

Sasuke felt tears running down his cheeks. "...yes ma'am. Naruto can only have true happiness when he has true memories, not only parts that I want him to have..."

"He might not remember the last few weeks he spent with you."

Sasuke took a deep breath, then weakly smiled. "That's what I thought..."

He was surprised when Tsunade suddenly enveloped him in an embrace. "You've made the right choice, Sasuke."

Sasuke couldn't control the sobs that escaped his throat. "I... Thank you."

"We'll go to your house as soon as I finish negotiating with the non-ninja village that had attacked us back when... Sakura had deceased," Tsunade said. "We need to prevent any tragedies like that from happening in the future. This is rank B mission, so I hope you've equipped yourself well to escort me."

"Yes ma'am," Sasuke said, wiping his tears away. The old soldier instincts kicked back in, and Sasuke's eyes instantly hardened. "If anyone dares to attack again, I will make them pay tenfold for taking my friend and comrade away from me." 

* * * * *

Ino's eyes rested on the pink teddy bear that was at the corner of Sasuke's room. Naruto often cuddled with it when he slept. Ino picked the bear up, turning it over in her hands. "What a beautiful bear, Naruto."

"That's Sakura-chan," Naruto said, sounding like a pleased child again. "She is very cute, isn't she?"

"She looks a lot like the other Sakura-chan, doesn't she," Ino said, smiling. "The Sakura-chan you gave this bear to."

"...the other Sakura-chan?" Naruto asked, his voice dying out as Ino turned to smile even more broadly at him.

"Yes, the one that you killed. Remember, Naruto? How you cursed Sakura-chan by getting close to her? Everyone you get close to just dies, don't they, Naruto? First your parents, and then Sakura-chan. I wonder if Sasuke-kun is next?"

"...I don't know what you're talking about," Naruto whispered, his eyes trembling. 

"She loved Sasuke-kun so much, but Sasuke-kun hated her because he loved you instead. So she died all alone. Poor, poor Sakura-chan. So much blood, Naruto. Remember how her body parts just splattered all over the place after she exploded?" Ino started to rip the pink teddy bear apart, tossing the bear's head at Naruto. 

"Stop," Naruto weakly cried. "Don't say anything... Please stop..."

"So alone. So cold, down at earth all by herself. Can you hear Sakura-chan crying, Naruto?" Ino tossed the bear's legs at Naruto's form. "Sasuke-kun can't be free because of you, Naruto. Because you were being a coward and escaped, Sasuke-kun was held down by you. He could have been a _jounin_ by now, you know. It was because of you that he had to turn down mission offers, to give up so much in his life. He can't even get married because of you."

Naruto was trembling violently as Ino cruelly smiled at him. "Shut up..."

"What can you ever do for Sasuke-kun? There is nothing you can do, you useless trash. You're a demon, you will curse Sasuke-kun's fate, Sasuke-kun will get sick and tired of you and abandon you like everyone else. You will hurt him." Ino's eyes was too bright. She was positively gleeful, shouting her words at Naruto's shaking form. Naruto's eyes were wild and terrified as he clutched his head with his hands and curled up into a ball. "You're from an unknown family, you have no money nor political influence, and you're a boy like Sasuke-kun, to top it off. You can't even offer him a good lay and a child! You useless hindrance."

"Shut your mouth..."

"You were born alone, and you will always be alone. If you truly have any conscience at all, you would leave Sasuke-kun by now. Do you want Sasuke-kun to end up like Sakura-chan? His brain scattered all over the ground?"

Naruto almost threw up at that image. "No... Sasuke... Uu... uwaaa..."

Ino's cruel laughter mingled with Naruto's anguished and horrified screams.

"UWAAAAAA!!!"

* * * * *

"Naruto, I came home," Sasuke softly said. Tsunade stepped into the house after him. Sasuke frowned slightly. Usually Naruto would bound out to envelope him in a crushing hug by now, but the house was silent. Was he asleep? Or maybe he still couldn't move? "Naruto?"

Sasuke felt his instincts tingling with some unknown foreboding, but he pushed it aside. He walked to his room and opened the door. He immediately wished he had listened to his instincts.

Naruto was sitting in a pool of blood. In fact, blood was all over the room; the blood plastered into the walls and floor and gave the entire room a grotesque appearance. A _kunai_ and various gashes on Naruto's arms told them where all this blood came from. Naruto was clutching at pieces of pink thing, and at closer scrutiny, Sasuke realized it was Sakura the bear.

"So warm. So red. So pretty." Naruto murmured to himself. He burst into hysterical giggles. "Poor, poor Sakura-chan. It hurt, didn't it? So much blood. Look, the blood is so pretty. Cursed. Can't protect anyone. All my fault. Died. So much death. God, please kill me. Look, blood, so pretty..."

"Naruto..." Sasuke choked out, kneeling by Naruto's side to clutch at his shoulders. "Naruto, what in f***...?"

"Sasuke," Naruto sweetly said. He giggled again. "Sasuke's eyes are so pretty. The sky is pretty. The blood is pretty. So warm. So clean. I love you, Sasuke."

Sasuke desperately embraced Naruto, trembling uncontrollably. "Oh, God, Naruto! Naruto, what the hell happened?! Return to me! Naruto, stop this! You're scaring me!"

"Pretty," Naruto muttered, staring at the ceiling with his blank eyes. "Sakura-chan. Pieces of body. So much blood. I tried to protect her. Please believe me. I tried. So warm. Blood." 

"Naruto! Naruto! NARUTO!!!"

Naruto raised his blood-stained hand to Sasuke's cheeks, staining Sasuke's milky white skin with his blood. He laughed hysterically. "Ku... kukuku... Hahahaha! Look, so pretty, so much f***ing blood, hahahaha!!!"

"Naru...to..." Sasuke softly sobbed. "Please... return to me..."

"Blood is so pretty, Sasuke..." Naruto kissed Sasuke's lips with his bloody lips. "The world is so stained with blood. I can't see anything but blood. Please save me..."

* * * * *

To Be Continued

Uh, it's kind of awkward to say this after this chapter, but happy Valentine's Day. ...yeah, I know, some Valentine's Day chapter. I didn't mean it to turn out this way. ^^;; Um, hey, at least there was some loving before all this! ^^;;

Please go to yahoo group for the uncensored version of this chapter, or e-mail me for it. Please, please send me an e-mail with your own e-mail address, not request this chapter via a review. I swear I forget and never send the chapter to you. It's too hard to keep track. I'm sorry! X.x

Since it's Valentine's Day, I'll tell you about my first kiss, because it probably would amuse you. It happened when I was five. I was completely naked when it happened, and so was my partner. We had been swimming in the local river, catching tadpoles and what not, and my partner just grabbed my cheeks and kissed my lips. The saddest part of this story is that my partner was a boy. *sobs* Yeah, my first kiss was with a guy... It traumatized me so much that I still remember it. The guy denies that this ever happened, but I have pictures to prove it(because my Mum and his mom thought this was cute, so they took pictures of us playing naked and kissing). The guy... is my older cousin brother. ...never let your kids have their first kiss taken away like this if you ever have kids! It will traumatize the poor kid for the rest of his life! _O (I mean, look at _me_!) 


	11. Stupor

* * * * *

Chapter Eleven: -Stupor-

* * * * *

Sasuke clung to Naruto's unresponsive body. After the initial burst of hysteria, Naruto had fallen into a catatonic stupor. His glazed eyes refused to see anything, comprehend anything, and Sasuke's cries fell to deaf ears. Tsunade had called several people, but even she was unsure as to what to do now. They were not dealing with psychogenic amnesia anymore. In fact, they had no idea what they were up against. Naruto was simply broken, and how can you amend a broken soul?

"Naruto," Sasuke hoarsely whispered. "Please, Naruto, say something. Give me some kind of response. Naruto..."

Naruto let his body be shaken limply. Sasuke might as well as have been begging for a doll to talk. Sasuke adjusted his grip on Naruto's still body. Fresh tears spilled over the rim of his eyes. It was as if all these years of not crying was for him to save up tears for Naruto, to shed all tears in his body for Naruto. Sasuke buried his head in Naruto's shoulder and silently wept. Tsunade was letting him cry, bandaging up Naruto's gashed arms while waiting for others to come. The nine-tailed fox's powers were already working at healing the gashes and compensating for the blood loss. Physical discomforts she could fix, but what could she do for mental pains? Tsunade was frustrated with her helplessness. If she lost Naruto, he would be the third precious person she lost...

"Sasuke," Tsunade gently said. "Let's lay Naruto down. Holding him like that won't help him, and your arms will hurt."

"His soul," Sasuke choked out. "Because I was being selfish... Couldn't protect him... He's soul is dead; I can't reach him..."

"Sasuke, the last thing we need is for you to break down."

Sasuke lifted his tear-wet face and wiped the tears away with the palm of his hand. "I know; sorry... But I..."

Tsunade shook her head. "Now is not the time for self loathing, Sasuke."

Sasuke slowly nodded, but his clutch on Naruto only tightened.

* * * * *

Naruto curled up in the corner of the darkness. It was strange that the darkness even had a corner, because there was absolutely nothing in this darkness. He couldn't feel anything, touch anything, see anything. Tears slowly dripped down his face to pool at his chin before dropping to the floor with a soft plopping noise, but Naruto only felt the tears and only vaguely sensed the floor underneath him. In the void, in the nothingness, Naruto was left to ruminate. The rumination only led to more depression. The air felt thick. Naruto felt like he was choking. He couldn't breath. Where was Sasuke?

Sudden burst of light temporarily blinded Naruto. He squinted his eyes at the light. Or rather, fire. It was blood-red fire, almost black in color, and a low voice hissed, "What are you doing here, brat?"

Naruto lifted his head to stare at the nine-tailed fox. He lowered his head again. His voice was bitter. "F*** off, damned vixen."

The void echoed with the demon fox's laughter. "What did you just call me?" The fox growled. Tremor ran through the air, warning Naruto of danger of angering the fox, but Naruto desired death. It went against his instincts, this desire for death, and his body gave the right response by shivering. But Naruto's eyes were as empty as before. 

"It's all your fault." Naruto started to weep again. "I'm so lonely. I'm a human, you know. I was born a human. I can't live without other humans. But because of you, I always end up hurting people around me. I want Sasuke to hug me, to kiss me, to make love with me. But you'll curse him, won't you?"

The fox gave out an irritated snort. "Don't be stupid, dimwit. I don't waste my time cursing insignificant human beings. I might eat them or kill them, but I don't curse them."

"Liar." Naruto's sobs grew quicker. "Just when Sakura-chan accepted me, she died. Same thing will happen to Sasuke. I don't want to kill them anymore. Please don't kill Sasuke. I want to protect him..."

"While it's true that I'm no good luck charm," The fox snarled, "I sure as hell am not a god of death. Get it through that little head of yours that it wasn't my fault. If you don't have the strength to protect your little human companions, that's your problem."

"...because I don't have the strength to protect them...?" Naruto sobbed out. "But I tried... I tried so hard..."

The dark scarlet fire of nine-tailed fox grew more intense, then exploded. The explosion caused millions of little petals to rain down on Naruto. Naruto lifted his head, mesmerized by the beautiful blossoms. Cherry blossoms. Naruto lifted his hand up to catch one of the dancing petals. A small smile danced in his lips as he remembered the same flowers that had graced Sasuke and his marriage. Naruto pressed the petal against his cheek, but startled and pulled away from the petal. It was wet.

In fact, it was bloody. It was drenched in blood. Red cherry blossom petals. Cherry blossom petals were pink because the trees drank the blood of a corpse buried underneath their roots. So how much blood was needed to make this bloody cherry blossom?

"All the people who died because of you," the nine-tails gleefully said. "Their blood makes this flower such beautiful crimson. Your are darkness, a beautiful darkness, and the darker your mind is, the more comfortable housing you provide me. Beautiful, beautiful child. Such sinful little black lamb. I am a demon, but so are you, little one."

"But I want to be forgiven," Naruto begged. "I want to live in the light with others. I'm so lonely! I don't want to live alone in the darkness!"

Naruto cried out as he felt his mind being prodded and invaded. "Stop it!" He cried out, violently rejecting the other soul trying to merge with his own.

"Naruto-kun, please, let Ino-san in," a faint female voice begged. "Please wake up..."

"Who's that?" The fox asked, more amused than curious. Naruto shook his head.

"I don't remember... I don't want to remember... I'm scared; I want to go out to live in the light with Sasuke again..." Naruto felt the other soul struggling past his barriers and fought it off again. "Go away!"

"Naruto, please come back to me," A male voice pleaded this time. "Please wake up. I'm right here. Naruto, please..."

Naruto hurriedly stood up. "Sa... Sasuke! Where are you?!"  
The bloody cherry blossoms swirled around in one place before materializing into a figure. Naruto started to run to the figure, but froze and backed away when the figure solidified and revealed its identity.

"Ino..."

Ino looked slightly tired, cuts allowing blood to run along her cheeks. She was irritated at the small blond child staring up at her with mixture of terror and repulse. "Naruto. Goodness, it's difficult to penetrate into this little mind of yours. Why is it so dark?"

Naruto trembled and backed away. "Please go away..."

"I came to get you back," Ino said. "I'm not going without you."

"You hurt me," Naruto whispered. "I can't trust you."

Naruto cried out as Ino grasped the collar of his shirt, easily lifting him up into the air. Naruto in his mind was still a child, about size of scrawny five-years-old, and his eyes which were too big for his face stared at her fearfully. "Listen, Uzumaki," Ino snarled. "I'm not here because I like you or anything. Everyone is sick and tired of taking care of you, so I came to bring back your current memories and your current self. Stop being a baby and running away! No one wants to take care of you any longer!"

"Then... they can just leave me to die," Naruto softly said. "I'm scared of getting hurt anymore... They don't have to take care of me; just don't hurt me. I'll break..."

Ino's eyes flashed angrily. Slapping sound resounded across the blank, dark mind. Naruto's eyes widened and he pressed his hand against his stinging cheek. "Just how long will be selfish like this?! If they don't take care of you and you die, how do you think they'll feel? Must you make them feel guilty like that before you die? Add your sins to them as a burden?!"

Hot tears ran down Naruto's cheeks. "...I was wrong. I'm sorry. I'll live on, but I'll be apart from everyone so that I won't hurt them anymore. So that I won't get hurt anymore. I'll just watch everyone from afar..."

Ino kneeled down and picked Naruto up from the ground, then pulled him into her arms. At the warmth and human contact, Naruto cried harder. Ino softly muttered, more to herself than to Naruto, "I don't hate you at all, but I love him so much... Even if I hurt you like this, even if I am condemned to the depths of the hell, if only I can be closer to him... If only he would smile at me once..." She soothingly ran her hand through the rough spikes of his hair. "Don't cry. If you're weak, you won't be able to live on by yourself."

Naruto nodded into her shoulder. Ino slowly stood up. "Let's go out into the real world again, Naruto, and live."

* * * * *

Light returned to Naruto's eyes. Naruto slowly blinked at the fuzzy images of people crowding over him, then softly groaned and buried his head in Sasuke's neck. Sasuke's hair felt scratchy against his cheek, but Sasuke's fragrance was reassuring. 

"Naruto... Naruto."

Sasuke's voice sounded hoarse and strained, as if he had been repeating his name for hours. It had become something of a mantra. Hot liquid rapidly fell on his head. Naruto nuzzled against Sasuke's warmth before he realized that Sasuke was crying. He remembered why he decided to live again. So that Sasuke won't be hurt anymore.

Sasuke gasped as small hands firmly rested against his chest to push him away. "Na, Naruto!" He happily cried, trying to see Naruto's face. Naruto kept his face lowered. "Naruto? Can you hear me?"

Hinata tried to see Naruto's face, a bright smile adorning her lips. "Naruto-kun?"

Naruto slowly stood up. He stumbled to the door, heavily leaning against the door, before opening it. Everyone minus Ino stared at Naruto, completely taken aback by his strange behavior.

"Naruto, where are you going?" Sasuke asked, hurriedly standing up and wiping his tears away. "Naruto?"

"Home." Naruto took a deep breath, working on wiping all the emotions off his face. He slowly turned to look at Sasuke and willed himself not to cry. "I'm going back to my apartment."

"You remember!" Neji said in relief, a small smile finally on his lips. Ino watched Naruto without saying anything. Everyone was smiling in relief that Naruto seemed to have gained his memories back, and was not trying to kill himself or being hysterical yet. Only Sasuke seemed a bit worried.

"Naruto, you can stay here. You don't have to go back; I'll--"

"Take advantage of me again?"

Everyone froze. Silence heavily fell upon the room. Sasuke visibly flinched at Naruto's words, but even more at his flat, emotionless voice. He gently rested his hand against Naruto's arm, his tear-swollen eyes pleading. "Naruto--"

"Don't touch me!" Naruto snapped, pulling his arm away. "Don't ever come near me! Don't show your disgusting face in front of me again, you molester!"

Sasuke's hands slowly fell to his sides, and he mutely stared at Naruto as he turned around and left his house. Sasuke lowered his head so that his hair covered his eyes. "...the dream shattered..."

* * * * *

Naruto violently threw up, his chest heaving, his eyes watering from the effort. He slumped over his toilet seat, panting. His face was twisting from pain. His apartment was strangely clean. It didn't even feel like his room anymore. Naruto felt sick to his stomach, even though he was sure Sasuke didn't feed him anything spoiled. Sasuke actually checked expiration dates, unlike himself. It might be one of those psychological things. Naruto couldn't care less; he just wanted to curl up and die. He had already thrown up whatever that could be vomited, and now he was merely throwing up water and stomach acids. 

"Sasuke," Naruto weakly said. He had already learned to depend on Sasuke for reassurance, like a child would do for her mother. His body ached to be held by Sasuke, to feel his warmth and to hear his soothing voice calming him. Sasuke's face flooded his mind. The shy smiles he gave him. The concerned looks. The loving gaze. Then the hurt look, his pretty indigo-colored eyes filling with sadness, his tear-wet eyes brimming with tears again. Naruto wretched and threw up again.

"Oh my goodness. Naruto-kun!" A soft voice cried out. Naruto felt gust of chilly breeze coming into his apartment through the open window and silently cursed. He had forgotten to lock the window. Small arms steadied his slumped figure, and big white eyes gazed into his empty eyes. 

"Hinata..."

"What's wrong? Where does it hurt?" Hinata asked, concern flooding her soft voice. Naruto wanted to cry, but to his dismay, he realized that his tears were dry. With so much sadness, he couldn't even cry. He was too sad to cry. What a stupid irony.

Instead of answering Hinata, Naruto turned his head and started to throw up again. Hinata gave a gasp of dismay before she struggled to upright Naruto.

"Naruto-kun, you can't live by yourself when you're not well. Come on, stay with me for a while. Let's try to find out what's wrong with you, then you can come back when you're well."

"Wha?" Naruto moaned as he tried to cling to his toilet. "Wait, I have to puke."

Hinata didn't make a disgusted face as Naruto continued to empty the contents of his stomach. She merely patted his back, soothing him, offering him comfort. Just like how Sasuke would treat him. When Naruto finished with even emptying himself of body fluids, Hinata carefully helped him lean against her body. Naruto didn't have the strength to protest. The two slowly made their way to the Hyuuga manor.

* * * * *

"Naruto... seems to be himself, right?" Tsunade uncertainly asked. Ino nodded her head. Tsunade turned to look at Sasuke, who was motionless. She pressed her hand against his shoulder. "Sasuke..."

Sasuke lifted his eyes to stare at Tsunade. His eyes were wild and hopeless, like a caged animal. He opened his lips, but no sound escaped. Then his eyes rolled back and Sasuke's body started to obey the law of gravity.

"Sasuke!"

"Sasuke-kun!"

Neji swiftly caught Sasuke's falling body in his arms. He lifted Sasuke's eyelids and checked his pulse, then shook his head. "Nothing is wrong with him. Just fatigued."

"You don't think... that he would become suicidal, do you?" Tsunade anxiously asked. "He is strong, but emotional pains like this... He's too young."

Neji contemplated, then slung Sasuke's arm over his shoulder. "I think I'll have him over at my home for few days. I don't think he should be let alone for a while."

Ino nodded in agreement. Tsunade stood up with Neji. "You'll have to force him to eat; he's too lean. You don't think he's suffering from anorexia nervosa, do you?"

"He might." Neji sighed. "Why am I friends with these people?"

Tsunade gave a little smile at that, but her eyes grew serious again. "Please watch over him; don't let him kill himself."

Neji nodded. "I'll force him to live, if needed. I won't let another one of my friends to lose his soul..."

* * * * *

Tsuzuku

Please disregard the psychology jargons. You don't need to know them. Of course, psychology is fascinating, so if you want to look the terms up, you're more than welcomed to. I'm not psychology expert or anything even remotely related to that. I'm a mere student who likes the subject very much and studied the subject for only two years. So please do _not_ trust psychological aspects discussed in this story; they are _not_ 100 % accurate, if accurate at all. ^^;;

Waa, bloody cherry blossoms. And yes, indeed. It is said that cherry blossoms are pink because they have drank blood. The more blood that stained the tree, the more luscious and pink and beautiful blossoms would be born in the early spring. Scientifically, this is compete nonsense(^^;;), but so romantic, don't you think? No? Okay, then it's just me...

As you probably noticed, Naruto is not disgusted by Sasuke(because that would have been too obvious and cliche, and what's the fun in that?). Rather, he still needs Sasuke, but chooses to leave him for Sasuke's sake. Not being truthful to self again. *sighs* Us humans really are rather pathetic, aren't we? We're just so afraid of getting hurt, and hurting another(unless you have antisocial personality disorder. Then you probably don't care, but...). But I think that's what makes us so human and so fascinating; so vulnerable and so loveable. I know it's a paradox. But a perfect human being won't need anyone else, and that's such a lonely existence. An imperfect human that can be embraced is so much more human to me. (Is that why you torture poor Naruto-tachi so much, you sadist?!)


	12. Scarce

__

Hi, this is Naruto! I found this journal, so I'm writing in it instead of returning it to Sasuke. He'll get mad if I return it to him anyway after I read it. He's such an uptight asshole! Writing diary is a girly thing to do. He'll get embarrassed if he realizes that I found out about his diary! (But it's a secret that I have a diary back home, too. It's under my bed. X3) @@@ -- Uzumaki!

Today I realized that I'm in love with Sasuke. Isn't that dumb? I mean, I broke up with him today! That's just like me to break up with someone, and then realize that I like that person. Apparently Sasuke was in love with me for nearly ten years! That's just like him, hiding something like that for that long. But I guess if he told me earlier, I would have been grossed out. I like him now, though! He took good care of me when I was sick, and he's very nice when he's not being his usual asshole self, and--

Because he's such a kind person.

I want to see him. I want to talk to him. But I can't do that anymore. My chest hurts. Isn't that weird? I'm throwing up all over the place, I can barely stand the sight of food, and yet it's my chest that hurts, not my stomach. Neji said it's probably stomach virus. Does that include heart attacks? My chest really hurts. I don't really want to die yet. _ I guess if I throw up tomorrow, too, I'll go see the old hag. 

Good night, diary! (I'm not going to give you a name, because that will make you my diary, and Uki will be upset if I get another diary instead of using her. But I can't go to my apartment right now; I'm very sick. XP)

* * * * *

Chapter Twelve: -Scarce-

* * * * *

Hinata gingerly balanced the bowl of porridge and glass of water on the tray she held in one hand as she attempted to open the door to the guest room with her free hand. Naruto exploded from the door at the same time, nearly sending the door off of its hinges and upsetting the tray Hinata held as she stepped back. Hinata frantically grasped the bowl before she managed to balance the tray properly again. She turned her head to watch Naruto run down the hallway to the bathroom and throw up everything he managed to eat last night. She placed the tray by the door and walked to the bathroom. Kneeling down, she rubbed Naruto's back while Naruto continued vomit.

"Naruto-kun, are you okay?"

"No," Naruto snapped. "Do I look like I'm okay?"

"So, sorry, Naruto-kun..." Hinata whispered, tears springing into her eyes at the harsh tone. Naruto groaned and draped himself over the toilet.

"No, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have yelled at you. I just--" Naruto interrupted himself as fresh wave of spasm overtook him and he threw up again. Hinata worked at rubbing Naruto's back.

"Wait here, and I'll bring Neji Oniisan. Or should I bring Tsunade-sama instead?"

Naruto shook his head. "No, Neji is fine. Thank you."

"Rinse your mouth with water when you're finished, or else the stomach acid will make your teeth decay," Hinata softly said, patting Naruto's back. She stood and left to retrieve her cousin while Naruto concentrated on emptying his stomach out.

* * * * *

"No," Sasuke stubbornly said.

"Eat," Neji insisted, pushing the dish of various _sushi_ and bowl of _miso_ soup towards Sasuke. "You like tuna, don't you? I especially asked for a lot of tuna and asked to exclude the octopus. Come on, my aunt went through the trouble of making this."

"I don't feel like eating. Say thanks to your aunt, but I really don't want to eat." Sasuke stared at balls of rice covered with various fresh fish meat. They did look delicious, but he had no desire to eat them. Neji was becoming increasingly impatient. "Look, don't force me to feed them to you mouth-to-mouth."

"That's disgusting; don't even put that image in my head," Sasuke said, grimacing. "Do that with your girlfriend. Not that you'll ever get one with your personality, but maybe someone will be nice enough to marry you someday if you beg hard enough."

"You're the last person I want to hear those lines from," Neji snapped. His eyes were laughing, but his mouth remained stern. "You'll probably die a bachelor and become a bachelor ghost."

Sasuke triumphly held up his ring-adorned left hand to Neji's face, smirking. "I'm already married, in case you've forgotten."

"That's not fair." Neji sulked. "Naruto's too good for you. He was tricked into that marriage." 

Sasuke and Neji stared at each other. Sasuke was the first one to crack, and both boys burst into laughter. Sasuke's face muscles finally relaxed into a smile. Neji ate a piece of _sushi_ and Sasuke followed suit, unconsciously picking up a piece of _toro sushi _and popping it into his mouth. "It's been a really long time since we just sat and talked like this, right?" Sasuke asked once he was finished with the piece. Neji nodded.

"Because Uchiha and Hyuuga are both advanced bloodline families, we played together often as kids, but... after our parents... well, you know. We just sort of drifted apart." He lightly sighed. "And then you found Naruto and forgot my existence."

Sasuke snorted. "Not at all, but Naruto did take up most of my attention. I mean, you just can't ignore that guy. Imagine my dismay when I realized that I fell in love with that obnoxious idiot."

Neji smiled. Sasuke never gave nickname to anyone except Naruto, and even now his eyes softened as he spoke of the other boy. "You really do like him, don't you."

"Can't say vice versa, though." Sasuke gloomily picked up an egg custard sushi. "I should have kept my hands off of him. At least then I could have still stayed with him under the pretext of 'best friend'."

Neji's smile faltered slightly. Both Sasuke and he were almost finished eating their way through the pieces of _sushi_. "It wasn't your fault," he solemnly said. "It was the situation, not you. If that happened with the person I like, I probably wouldn't have been able to just stay as a friend, either. Even though the whole marriage thing is a bit extreme..."

"Too bad Naruto sees what I did as dispositional attribution, not situational," Sasuke said. "He thinks I'm some kind of sick pervert."

"You _are_ a pervert," Neji solemnly said. Sasuke glared daggers at him. "What? You did do perverted things to Naruto, didn't you?"

"I thought you were supposed to be my friend!" Sasuke complained.

"I'm better friends with Naruto, because he doesn't have personality problems," Neji retorted. He picked up the tray and escaped the room before Sasuke attacked him. Neji walked back to the main building with the empty dishes in his hands, grinning. "Operation: Feed Sasuke, complete success."

"Neji Oniisan..."

Neji looked up, watching Hinata hurriedly approaching him. "...good morning, Hinata-sama."

"Good morning, Neji Oniisan," Hinata politely answered, bowing her head. "Will you please come see Naruto-kun? He had been throwing up continuously since last night. Actually he's still throwing up..."

"Naruto's here?" Neji asked, startled. He frowned. "That's troublesome; I brought Sasuke here as well."

It was Hinata's turn to be startled. "Sasuke-kun is here?"

Neji nodded. "Don't tell either about each other. Sasuke will return home soon anyway, no matter how much I try to keep him here. There is no need to make this situation more messy than it already is." Hinata nodded in agreement. "Now, let's go see Naruto."

* * * * *

Ino clutched a pillow tightly against her chest. 

"I like you, Sasuke-kun," she muttered. Her eyes glistened in the unlit room. "I like you, I like you, I like you..."

The room tilted, then swirled. Furniture blurred together. Blood-colored cherry blossoms began to rain down upon her trembling body. Pieces of Sakura lay on a pool of blood in the middle of the bloody foliages. The pieces of body slowly changed until the pieces were now Naruto's body, no longer those of Sakura. Naruto's dead eyes piercingly looked into Ino's eyes.

"I'm sorry," Ino begged. "I just wanted to be loved. I like him so much. I needed you two to be out of the picture. I just want his eyes to be on me..."

The cherry blossoms blended into the air, giving the air distorted, bloody quality. It looked like blood was dancing in the air. It was so dark. Was this a dream? Why couldn't she get out? Ino rocked back and forth, her pale blonde hair covering her wild eyes. She was terrified. She softly laughed, then cried. She curled up into a ball and mumbled alternating words of "I'm sorry" and "I like you" continuously. High pitched giggles escaped her throat as tears ran down her cheeks. The pillow she held to her chest dropped to the ground.

* * * * *

Neji tilted his head to one side. "I don't see what's wrong with you at all, Naruto. You're not turning bulimic on me, are you? I have had enough with Sasuke's anorexia."

"He doesn't binge," Hinata argued. "In fact, he doesn't eat at all. Whatever he eats comes back up. Do you think it's because of the stress? His mentality is affecting him physically as well?"

Neji shook his head. "We know Naruto is no hypochondriac. Besides, Naruto is the type who will eat more when he's stressed out, not start vomiting all over the place."

"I only feel really sick in the morning," Naruto offered. "It's not so bad rest of the day, unless I smell something oily. Then I want to throw up again."

"It's probably just a stomach virus or cold. I think intake of plenty of fluid is what's most important right now." Neji scrutinized Naruto, who evenly stared back at him. "I'm not an official physician yet; just a student. If you continue to feel sick, we'll ask Hokage-sama for help."

Naruto nodded in agreement.

"I'll go make you some tea," Hinata offered. Naruto looked up from Neji.

"Do you think you can make me some lemon tea? I want something sour."

"I thought you hated sour things?" Neji curiously asked. Naruto looked puzzled as well.

"Er, yeah, but... I somehow want lemon tea. Probably some new type of virus or something that screws up your taste buds. Anyway, please?"

"All right," Hinata agreed.

"Thanks, Hinata," Naruto said, brightly smiling. Hinata suddenly blushed and hurried out of the room. Neji stood up. 

"I'm going to go help Hinata," he said. Naruto nodded. Neji hurried after his cousin, but to his dismay, found Sasuke talking to Hinata. Hinata turned around when Neji approached. They exchanged nervous looks as Sasuke also looked at Neji. Sasuke was standing too close to the guest room that Naruto was staying at.

"Oh, there you are. Thank you for your hospitality, Neji, but I'd like to return home now," Sasuke softly said. Neji gave him a worried look.

"But..."

"You know I can take care of myself," Sasuke argued. At Neji's skeptical look he sighed. "I promise to eat, to stay away from alcohol, and to not kill myself. Really."

Neji sighed. "Why don't you stay for few more days, then decide? You really need help right now. I say this as a friend, not as a medic ninja-in-training."

Naruto's room's door flew open. "Are you still there, Hinata? I'm sorry, but please don't forget the sugar and milk..."

Naruto's voice died out as Naruto and Sasuke stared at each other, different emotions swiftly crossing their faces. Sasuke leapt towards the room at the same time that Naruto slammed the door closed. Sasuke furiously pounded on the closed door. Naruto leaned his back against the door to keep it closed, trembling.

"Naruto! Naruto, please, talk to me! Please, Naruto!" Sasuke begged.

Naruto tightly closed his eyes. "Go away, Sasuke."

"Please open the door! Naruto, please, let me see your face! I won't touch you, just please let me see your face!"

Naruto resisted the urge to obey Sasuke. "Get lost!"

"Naruto, please," Sasuke pleaded. "I don't want to be hated by you... I'll never come near you again if that's what you want; just please talk to me! Just once!"

"I have nothing to talk to you about! Get away from me! I hate you!"

The moment the lie escaped Naruto's lips, he regretted it. But it was already too late. There was silence on the other side. Then Sasuke's defeated voice softly said, "Sorry."

The voice was broken, full of despair. Sasuke stared at the firmly closed door mutely before turning away, his head lowered. As he walked away, he was unaware that Naruto was equally broken at the other side of the door. Neji and Hinata could only watch the two who love each other the most end up hurting each other. Sasuke swiftly left the Hyuuga manor.

After a brief silence, Neji left to clean up Sasuke's guest room. He knew Sasuke wouldn't return. Hinata gently knocked on the door. It was immediately opened. Naruto stared up at Hinata from the floor. Hinata sat next to Naruto, staring at the ground rather than at Naruto himself.

"...do you really hate him?" Hinata finally asked. Naruto shook his head.

"It was a lie... I didn't mean to say it, but it just came out. I just wanted him to leave me alone." Naruto sighed. "I don't know how I feel about him. It's similar to how I felt about Sakura-chan, but... but it's different. I thought it was friendship, but when I lost all other memories, he was the only one in my life. I wanted him to hold me, to kiss me... Hell, I still want him to do that..."

Hinata placed her small hand on top of Naruto's hand. Naruto looked up at her, surprised. Hinata was smiling. "...Naruto-kun, do you like me?"

Naruto looked at her, baffled. "What is there not to like about you? You're a great kid and a great friend!"

"Did you like Sakura-san?"

"...yeah." Naruto's eyes became troubled. "So?"

"Aren't those two feelings very similar? Your feelings towards me and towards Sakura-san?" Hinata shook her head. "You were just confused, Naruto-kun. What you felt about Sakura-san was a real friendship; you were so lonely that you mistook that emotion for love. But..." Hinata took a big breath. "...how about Sasuke-kun? Do you like him?"

Naruto's eyes widened. He stared at Hinata, pieces of the puzzles finally falling into their places. "I... I like him so much..." Naruto started to tremble. "Hinata... I think I love him... What should I do? I think I've fallen in love with him; my feelings overflow and I can't do anything..."

Tears started to fall from Hinata's eyes. Naruto hurriedly wiped them away, surprised and worried. "Hinata? Why are you crying?"

"Because you won't cry," Hinata softly sobbed. "Why won't you cry, Naruto-kun? Your heart is hurting so much; it hurts just to look at you. So I'm crying for you."

"Naruto," Neji's soft voice broke in. Neji entered the room and sat down, handing a small black notebook to Naruto. "I think this fell out of Sasuke's pocket, and I think you should read it."

"Diary?" Naruto asked, opening the book. "I can't read someone else's diary, Sasuke will get mad..."

Naruto's eyes caught the words of the page and a surprised expression crossed his face. The expression was replaced by sadness. Finally drops of tears started to fall from Naruto's eyes. "He... he cared for me." Naruto placed his hand on the tattered pages. Tears came faster now. "He loved me so much, yet I broke his heart so much... For all those years, he..." Tears splashed into the back of Naruto's hand. 

"Sasuke..."

* * * * *

To Be Continued

*laughs* It's fun to write the diary in Naruto's viewpoint. His way is more similar to my real journal. I actually doodle all over my journal, so it's very messy. And it's in whatever language I feel like using at the moment, so it's basically a blob that no one but I can understand! Most of the entries are in English, though. (Because cursive is very easy to write, opposed to fine Korean scripts or kanji.)

Uwaan, I want to eat sushi, too~ (It's so expensive in America! Sashimi is even more expensive!) Tuna is actually my favorite. Sasuke will probably like something more sophisticated or expensive, but I like childish things like tuna and salmon. And egg! ~ Strangely enough, my dad has sushi license. His job has nothing to do with cooking. He just got the license for fun. I'll never understand him!

Actually, the truth was that the Gundam Wing doujinshi was supposed to end after Duo asked Hiiro if he wanted his memories back and Hiiro refused. Those two were supposed to live happily together. "Kizu"("Scar", the doujinshi) and "Ano Toki no Boku-ra wa" are so different now! ^^;; This fan fiction's ending will not be like that at all.

Some of you found it weird that Ino was being evil and then being nice on the next chapter? It's because Ino doesn't really hate Naruto, as she said herself, and also because she has bipolar disorder. She also has schizophrenia, apparently. Poor Ino! Sorry, I'll make you have a happier life on the next fan fiction. Or not write about you at all. ^^;;

Talking about fan fictions, if all goes well Ano Toki will end at 17 chapters! And then I'll write a Gaara x Naruto fic X3 Please stay with me until the end; we're very close to the end(only five more chapters)! 


	13. Surge

__

Uuuuuuh. Something really, really weird happened today. Argh. I don't even want to talk about it. But the next time I meet Sasuke, I'm going to kill him in the most inhumane and painful way possible. Bastard. _

No, that's a lie... I miss Sasuke very much. Hinata and Neji are both very nice to me, but it's not the same. I wonder how Sasuke will react if I tell him that... I think he might be happy. I don't know. I'm not going to tell him, ever, so it doesn't matter what his reaction might have been. I'm never going to go near him again. 

I think it was called the "Porcupine Dilemma." See, porcupines get so lonely that when they see another porcupine, they want to cuddle up with them. But the closer they get to each other, the more hurt they get. They want to love each other so much, yet they just hurt each other. Isn't that dumb? I thought so, too, when I first heard it! But that's the story of my life. O_o I want to cuddle up with Sasuke-chan, too! (Oooh, it's a secret that I called him Sasuke-chan! Please don't tell him; he'll kill me!)

=^~^= -- look, it's a kitty! I have whisker thingie, too! Yay~ 

* * * * *

Chapter Thirteen: -Surge-

* * * * *

"You're pregnant."

There was a long silence. Everyone nervously looked at Naruto, who in turn stared at Tsunade as if she had sprouted another head. He then tilted his head to the side. "...say what?"

"You're with a child. A baby. Inside your stomach."

Tsunade shrieked as Naruto sprayed the contents of his mouth-- green tea-- all over her face. Naruto kneeled over and started to choke upon the tea remaining in his throat. He wheezed, "When- How- What?"

After Naruto's stomach insisted upon being uncooperative and he spent another morning throwing up, Naruto had grudgingly agreed that he needed to see Tsunade. Tsunade had run several tests, then frowned and whispered the results among Shizune and his friends. From the way they were all staring at him, Naruto had been expected to be informed that he had a stomach cancer or something as lethal and unpleasant, but the actual diagnosis was even more outrageous. Naruto felt his head spinning.

Tsunade was not overly enthusiastic with Naruto's reaction, even though his shock was understandable. But must he spit all over her face? As Shumire hurriedly helped her wipe the green tea off of her face, she barked, "Keep your damned food in your mouth, brat!"

"Um," Neji nervously cut in. "Tsunade-sama, I still do not understand. Naruto does not have the anatomical structure required for impregnation. He's a male."

"And I can prove it, too!" Infuriated Naruto croaked, leaping up from his seat and starting to unfasten his pants. Hinata squeaked and turned away, blushing brightly.

Tsunade impatiently snapped, "Cut that out and keep your pants on. Let me explain." She deeply sighed. "...I didn't think it will be necessary to explain any of this for at least another four years or so, but I overestimated you brats' decency. Back when I was growing up, us children actually believed in things like post-marital sex and abstinence--" Shizune interrupted her rant of morality by placing her hand on the hokage's arm, and Tsunade sheepishly broke off. She regarded Naruto silently, trying to explain his condition so that he would understand. 

"Where should I start... Well, to start with, you're not a male, Naruto." She held up her hand before Naruto bit her head off. "Let me explain. In all appearance, you are a male. However, you have female organs along with male organs inside your body. The sex chromosomes for males are XY and XX for females. In your case, Naruto, you have XX chromosomes, which should have made you into a female. But something went wrong."

"What went wrong?!" Naruto demanded, getting more and more enraged. This wasn't even a question of his manhood; it was a downright insult! What, if anything, was female about him? 

"Your genes. You were supposed to produce estrogens and grow up into a girl child, but your androgen receptor genes became screwed over and only responded to your testosterones. This is one of the reasons why you are such an expert at that unsavory _jutsu_ of yours-- _sexy no jutsu_. So you show all characteristics of a male outside, but you are a jumble of male and female inside. Theoretically, this would make you a sterile."

"So I'm a sterile she-male," Naruto said, corner of his mouth twitching. "Then what's up with being knocked up?"

"The demon fox," Tsunade simply said. At Naruto's frown, she continued, "Your gender ambiguity was what made you chosen as a cell in which to lock the demon fox away. Demons, as you may know, do not have genders. Only someone who has the closest body to a demon-- gender ambiguity, endless stamina, inborn determination and ambition-- can accept a demon and still hope to live. Your parents refused, but at the end they gave in. What choice did they have? It was the entire village against those two." Tsunade grimaced at the memory. "Merging with the demon fox made you fertile, along with having other abilities such as instant healing. When sperm was introduced to your body, naturally you conceived."

"We're very worried, Naruto," Shizune added. "This can get very messy. The demon can influence your fetus and you can end up giving birth to a demon. It wouldn't have mattered if you were the father, but since you are carrying the fetus, there is a high chance that the demon will get involved. I mean, there is only so much you can do with a sperm, but an embryo is a completely different matter."

Everyone silenced at that. Naruto's frown deepened and he crossed his arm over his chest, glaring at the floor. His hair shaded his eyes. Heavy silence clouded the room as everyone attempted to digest all the information that Tsunade and Shizune provided.

"Can it be aborted?" Shikamaru quietly asked. Everyone stiffened and stared at him. "I don't really understand this, but I understand that this would be dangerous for Naruto. After all, it must be a heavy burden for Naruto's male body to carry and give birth to a child. Am I correct?" At Tsunade's nod, he continued. "Naruto can barely support himself right now, and the child's father-- who is obviously Sasuke-- is not with Naruto right now. Naruto, you don't want Sasuke's child, right?"

Naruto did not lift his eyes from the floor. He slowly lowered his arms and placed his hands on top of his stomach, his chin resting against his chest. "If you babble about nonsense like that one more time, Shikamaru, I'm going to knock all teeth out of your face." He slowly lifted his head to glare at Shikamaru, protectively holding his stomach. "I'm not killing my own kid. I'm going to keep it."

"You dolt, you're _mothering_ a child," Shikamaru snapped. "You hate the child's father, you are a male teenager, you can't go on missions and earn money, you're mentally unstable, and you might give birth to a demon. Are you out of your mind?! I know you're dumb, but this takes the cake!"

Naruto's lips pulled back to reveal his canines, his eyes glittering dangerously. "You don't understand. You will never understand. Every time I cried because I was lonely, every time I prayed that my parents would love me, I vowed again and again. That if I ever have children, I would pour out all the love I wanted to receive from my parents to my kids. That I'll never be lonely again, that I'll never let my child feel loneliness. You suggest I kill my child? Then I'll be worse than my parents!"

"Stop, Uzumaki!" Tsunade snapped. "Your parents loved you! You mustn't speak of them in such a way!"

"Love?! They were _ashamed_ of me!" Naruto screeched. 

"They only kept you from going outside because they didn't want you to get hurt! Your parents died protecting you from a riot in the village! Everyone wanted to kill you because you had a demon inside of you; your parents fought against the angry mob and ended up dying! That is when the third hokage prohibited all mentions of the nine-tailed fox demon and was forced to protect you himself! They let you live, and yet you--" Tsunade broke off at horrified expression on Naruto's face. She instantly regretted letting her emotions control her and saying unnecessary things. The third had begged everyone not to tell Naruto of his parents' true cause of death...

"So my parents died because of me?" 

"...no. They died because of people's hatred and ignorance." Tsunade deeply sighed. "But Shikamaru is right. It can be done, and in my opinion, it should be done. You're still only a child yourself. And even if you have female organs internally, you lack a vagina. Surgical removal of your child after it grows for nine months will be extremely dangerous both for you and your child, especially because your organs are situated in such an usual way. I can only guarantee 50% chance of having a successful birth and a healthy baby."

Naruto quickly shook his head. "I never even dreams of anything as f***ed up as getting knocked up, but it's still my child. I'm going to give birth to it and raise it. I'm going to be a good father to it." Naruto's voice became hushed. "Besides, I can never kill Sasuke's child..."

Shikamaru was furious. "Naruto, after all he did to you, do you still have feelings for...?!"

Hinata cut in before Shikamaru made Naruto more upset. "Naruto-kun. What about the baby's father? Shall I inform Sasuke-kun?"

Naruto violently startled. Paling, he furiously shook his head. "No... please don't tell Sasuke!"

Shikamaru resisted the urge to throttle him. "Ask the bastard to take the responsibility! Naruto, you know you can't possibly raise the baby by yourself!"

"I don't want to-- I can't-- involve Sasuke anymore in my life than I already did. I don't want to hurt him, and I don't want to be hurt by him." Naruto gave a weak smile to his companions. "I'll be fine. The baby and I'll be fine by ourselves. Really."

No one was convinced.

* * * * *

Sasuke was cleaning out his room. To his dismay, most of the blankets in his room were stained with either semen or blood. Or both. Both blood and semen stains were difficult to wash out. Sasuke sighed and carried the blankets and sheets to the bathroom, stuffing as much blankets as he could in the laundry machine. This will probably be the last time that he needed to wash so many blankets at once. Naruto wasn't with him anymore. He won't stain the blankets every night while love-making. It was less than a week since the last time he had sex with Naruto, yet it felt like a distant past. Sasuke felt something stabbing at his heart painfully, so he ignored his thoughts and returned to work.

Sasuke found the detergent and measured out the right amount. He poured the cupful of the fragrant white powder on top of the light blue blanket. The blanket had been Naruto's favorite because it was soft and fuzzy. It had been Sasuke's blanket when he was a child. The light blue contrasted with Naruto's ocean-blue eyes, and he looked cute tangled up in the blanket's blue folds, peeking out at Sasuke shyly after having sex. Naruto was loud during the act, but after the deed was done, Naruto became shy and buried his head in Sasuke's chest to hide his face. Sasuke shook his head to get the images out of his head. He firmly pressed the button of the machine to set the machine whirring, then leaned against the gently vibrating washing machine. He emitted a heavy sigh and left the room.

Walking into the kitchen, Sasuke opened the cupboard. If he didn't choke something down, he might collapse, and then a very angry Neji would certainly nag him to death. The cupboard was filled with brilliantly colored sweets. Pulling out a sweet red bean paste-filled bread, Sasuke tore the wrapping off and took a bite. He shuddered at its sweetness. Too sweet. He forlornly looked at the remaining sweets. He disliked sweets. Maybe he should bring them over to Neji's home, so Naruto can... "Stop that, Uchiha," Sasuke reprimanded himself sharply. He tossed the remaining bread to the garbage can and walked out of the house.

Since the weather warmed up considerably, little buds of cherry blossoms adorned the trees around the Uchiha manor. Sasuke gently cupped his hands around a tiny bud.

__

"Are we married now, Sasuke?" Naruto had happily asked, pink flower petals tangled in his messy hair. His eyes sparkled vivaciously, full of childish mirth and joy.

"Stop," Sasuke whispered. But memories flooded his mind.

__

Naruto was resting his head on Sasuke's lap, watching the petals drift down. He tore his eyes away from dancing pink flowers and held up his left hand, intently looking at the ring on his fourth finger. "Uchiha Naruto. It sounds funny, but I'm still happy that I married you, Sasuke!" He suddenly frowned, his eyes turning into slits as he looked at Sasuke. Sasuke brushed petals out of Naruto's hair, soothing the hair away from his eyes. Naruto's next question made him burst into laughter: "Say, why aren't you Uzumaki Sasuke, then?" 

"Stop that. Cut that out!" Sasuke murmured. His voice was starting to sound strained. "Don't think. Don't remember. Don't feel."

__

Naruto sleepily smiled up at Sasuke after sex. "Your heart thumps more slowly than mine..." He was too tired to reach up for Sasuke's lips. He contented by kissing Sasuke's neck sloppily. "I like you so much, Sasuke. I'm so happy."

The delicate petals crushed under Sasuke's hands. The petals quickly scattered away in the wind. Sasuke groaned, burying his head into his hands. "I can't stay here. I can't stay here without turning insane... Naruto.... My precious Naruto..."

* * * * *

"The brat takes after Sasuke," Naruto gloomily announced on his way back from the bathroom. "It exists solely to torture me. Or do all pregnant people puke their guts out?"

Hinata softly laughed. She helped Naruto sit down and poured out some tea for him. Naruto gratefully accepted the cup and pressed his cheek against its warmth. "Some people have almost no symptoms of morning sickness, but others throw up for most of their pregnancy. Let's hope that you will have it only during your first few months, Naruto-kun."

"First few months?" Naruto echoed. "Just how long do I have to have the brat in my tummy? Can't it be taken out after a month or something like that?"

"No, Naruto-kun," Hinata said, handing Naruto some crackers. "Don't be silly. You need at least eight to nine months. You don't remember anything about this? We learned it in biology and health class, back in Ninja Academy, remember?"

"I slept through those classes! How was I supposed to know I'll get pregnant?!" Naruto whined. "You mean I can't go on missions, nor use _chakra_, nor even take cold medicine for bloody nine months?! I'm going to rip off Sasuke's balls and feed it to the dogs! Argh!"

Hinata winced slightly at the coarse language. "Naruto-kun, don't say such things! You need to think of only good and pretty things if you want a happy, healthy baby! What will your baby think of its father if you say such things about Sasuke-kun?"

"Argh. Bullshit, I even have to watch what I say? I swear this is some kind of Uchiha conspiracy against me," Naruto sulked. Hinata just smiled, watching Naruto finishing his tea. She stood up and held out her hand. "Let's get some fresh air. You'll feel better if you're not cooped up."

Naruto nodded and took her hand. The two walked out to the garden, where the earliest of spring flowers were already blossoming tentatively. The small colorful flowers contrasted against the dreary ground. Naruto kneeled down and picked a sprig of forsynthia. He carefully brushed back Hinata's hair and tucked the bright yellow flower behind her ear. He stepped back to admire his handiwork.

"You look cute, Hinata," he finally said, grinning. Hinata furiously blushed, lowering her head shyly.

"Th, thank you, Naruto-kun..." She stammered. Naruto ruffled up her hair.

"Nah, I should be the one thanking you. I've been a royal pain in the ass lately, yet you've been so nice and patient. You're really a great person, Hinata. Whoever's lucky enough to get you as his wife better deserve you and treat you well, or I'm going to kick his ass!"

Hinata remained silent. Why didn't Naruto understand that the only one she would want to be the bride of is him? She was so close to him, yet she could never tell him of her feelings. All she could do was to help him through his pregnancy of another's child. He was hurting her so much, and he was so blissfully ignorant of it... 

"Hinata? Can we go back in? I think I'm going to throw up again."

Hinata nodded. She was a little surprised when Naruto took her hand, but she didn't pull away, despite his hand being cold. She smiled a little. "Actually, I think the baby being naughty is because it takes after you."

"Hey! I resent that!" Naruto protested. Hinata giggled and led Naruto back to the guestroom.

* * * * *

Sasuke watched Hinata and Naruto laugh and talk as they walked back to the guestroom, hidden from view among the branches of a tall oak tree. Their exchange did not seem like a mere friendship to him. It hurt him to think that he would lose Naruto to another. Again. But this time Naruto's partner was sincere; Hinata really did like Naruto. If Naruto liked her back, Sasuke was happy for them. Naruto seemed so much happier now. Naruto being happy was all that really mattered, right? No matter how painful it was to him, if it was Naruto's happiness, it was his happiness as well.

"Be happy, my most precious one," Sasuke softly said, a sad, resigned smile lingering on his lips. "This time, for sure, I'll protect your happiness. I will never come closer to you again, for I shall protect your happiness from afar. This time I will protect both you and Hinata. I will make sure that you two are both happy and safe, even if that costs my life... My precious, precious Naruto..."

* * * * *

To Be Continued

Uwaaaa. O///O Dou shiyou, ureshii~! I made it to 100 readers' 'favorite author' list...! Thank you so very much! Even with such crappy writing, thank you so much for being patient with me, giving me reviews, adding me to 'favorites' list, and all the things you've done for me! I'm so happy that someone is even reading my writings, but to have responses(positive ones at that) and caring readers...! You're my motivation; thank you! 

After drawing several illustrations of Ano Toki, I finally have two which are moderately presentable. So you'll find them at the yahoo group, under the photo section as usual. I really like the bloody one, because it was so much fun to paint! Watercolor can make pretty convincing blood effect~ ^^

I was very tempted to give Naruto Klinefelter Syndrome(where you have XXY chromosomes). That's such an awesome genetic disorder! Men who have it tend to be short, a bit feminine in appearance, and have very low sperm count. Doesn't that suspiciously sound like our little Naruto? But making Naruto pregnant with that disorder was stretching things a bit(those people are infertile males, not hermaphrodites), so I stuck to the androgen receptors. I know it works for females(people with XY chromosome looking like female), but I'm not sure about males like Naruto. If I'm wrong, please ignore it! I mean, this is fan fiction; I'm already doing more research and study to write this than it is healthy! ^^;;

Forsynthia... Had to look up the dictionary for that one. It's a spring flower that blooms before the leaves grow. The plant itself is a little bush, and there are numerous little yellow flowers all over the bush in the early to mid spring. Its Korean name is 'genari'. Its common American name, I think, is 'golden bell'. It's one of my favorite flowers because it's so cute. The little blossoms remind me of baby chicks! ^^


	14. Spring

__

I think the baby's upset. It's been kicking like all day. Maybe she knows that I've been mean to her dad. I couldn't help it. I wanted to reach out to him, but I couldn't speak. He was so close, and he was so far away, and I lost him... Damn, stop kicking and moving; it hurts if you do that all day, you know! It hurts enough without you messing up my stomach as well! _

I keep craving sour things. It's the weirdest thing. I used to hate sour food! I want strawberries~ Strawberries, blueberries, raspberries~ *~*

There are flowers everywhere nowadays; it's so nice! The weather is all warm and stuff, too! Hinata keeps telling me I only have to see, hear, and say pretty things to have a pretty baby. Hell, with all these flowers about, damned if I don't have a pretty baby! ^^;;

* * * * *

Chapter Fourteen: -Spring-

* * * * *

Naruto intently stared at a pink maternity dress in a fascinated horror. "Someone remind me why the hell I agreed to do this."

Kurenai did not look up from infant clothes. "Because soon you'll be so swollen with your child that nothing you have will fit, and we can't have you running around nude." She paused to squeal at a particularly cute baby cloth, then continued in her 'I-know-more-than-thou' tone. "And we need to buy some baby things as well, so we don't have to leave the poor baby without clothes or diapers for hours."

"You don't want us to bring you clothes we've picked out, right?" Hinata asked. She was feeling unusually sadistic urge to mercilessly tease Naruto. "I doubt you'd want lacy pink clothes that Kurenai-sensei and I would pick out."

Naruto shuddered and shied away from the pink things. "I still don't understand why I can't use _sexy to jutsu_. I mean, maternity/baby section is not where, um, boys of my age would hang out for fun."

"Your body is different when you're in that form, and you're going to stay in your male form until you had that baby," Kurenai scolded. "Fluctuation of _chakra_ can do pretty nasty things to a fetus, you know."

Naruto sighed and rubbed his stomach. "This brat is going to be the death of me yet. I'm starting to have a beer belly. ...I'm not even legal to drink beer yet!" Naruto groaned. "My twentieth birthday is going to pass while I'm fat and forbidden from even touching alcohol, just when I turn legal!"

Hinata smiled and held up a white dress against Naruto, critically examining the dress. "I think it was very kind of you to decide to keep your baby. It was a difficult decision. Technically the baby didn't count, you know, while it was still an embryo. Usually it is counted as a human when it goes into the fetus stage."

"Piece of crap. A human is a human," Naruto grumbled. "Besides, it was my mistake, not the brat's. Sasuke and I created it, so I have to be responsible."

Naruto slowly started to edge away from Kurenai, who was approaching him with a frilly red dress and a big smile. He grasped at the material on the table next to him to defend himself from the evil lacy entity, then glanced down. The material was surprisingly soft. Naruto picked up the little baby cloth with rabbit ear-shaped hood. He stretched the cloth out. "Whoa. The baby's going to be this small?"

"Even smaller," Kurenai said. She noted the cloth's pink color. "...you want a girl?"

"Well, yeah, a little girl would be nice," Naruto softly said, straightening out the cloth's rabbit ears. "A sweet tempered baby girl..."

"Your personality and Sasuke's personality combined together describes a terror on two legs, not a sweet baby girl," Kurenai said, chuckling. "But one can dream, I suppose."

"I think I just got insulted," Naruto informed Hinata, who was trying to hide her laughter. She changed the topic.

"We don't know the baby's gender yet, so let's get gender neutral colors," Hinata suggested, picking up a light green shirt. Kurenai and Naruto nodded in agreement.

After over an hour later, a very tired and grumpy Naruto followed Hinata and Kurenai out of the clothing store. He couldn't understand why the two insisted to scrutiny in excruciating detail every maternity and baby clothing existing on the store. What he understood even less was why they were so concerned whether the clothes would bring out the baby's eyes, when the baby hadn't even been born yet. Girl thing, he told himself. That didn't help his foul mood. As Kurenai and Hinata walked ahead and excitedly discussed the next store to invade-- heavens, didn't they get tired?-- it was all Naruto could do to not fall on his face and go to sleep. 

"Uh, can we go home now?" Naruto finally asked.

"But we only got you five clothes! I know a place where they have--"

Naruto cut Kurenai's excited rant off. "I can run around clad only in boxers for all I care. I want to sleep."

"Guys," Kurenai scornfully muttered. But Hinata looked sympathetic.

"Then we'll go home now, Naruto-kun. Are you hungry?"

Naruto shook his head, more tired than hungry. He suddenly stopped and stared at a store.

"What's the matter?" Kurenai asked when she noticed that Naruto was not following her. Her eyes took in the store's sign. "Dolls?"

It was the store that Naruto had purchased the first and last gift he had given Sakura. This was where he and Sasuke had fun together as friends for the last time. Naruto wordlessly entered the store. Kurenai and Hinata trailed after him, worried and puzzled at his strange behavior. Naruto walked to the back of the store, where the teddy bears were located. He searched through the bears until he found the object of his inquiry. He carefully picked up the chocolate-colored teddy bear. The bear had an intense frown upon its face, as if it was displeased by something, its beady black eyes narrowed in concentration.

"...Naruto-kun?" Hinata asked. Naruto walked past her wordlessly, as if he couldn't see her anymore; as if the world no longer existed around him. He paid for the bear and clutched the bear to his chest, staring at the bear's head. He was trembling. Hinata gently placed her hand on Naruto's hands. Naruto finally looked up.

"Let's go home, Naruto-kun," Hinata suggested. Naruto nodded.

* * * * *

"Shikamaru!" Naruto happily said, waving widely. Shikamaru looked annoyed.

"Damn it, Naruto, where were you all afternoon?"

"Cloth shopping," Naruto gloomily said. Shikamaru looked more sympathetic at that, flinching visibly as he noticed Kurenai and Hinata hurrying away to Naruto's room to probably reorganize Naruto's entire wardrobe.

"Ouch." He held up a basket of fruits. "I can't believe of all damned things you want oranges. Are you aware that naturally oranges don't grow in spring and that they're very, very expensive right now?"

Naruto's eyes instantly brightened as he latched himself on Shikamaru's arm. "You got oranges?! Dude, Shikamaru! You're like my best friend ever! I love you!"

"O...kay," Shikamaru muttered, trying to shake Naruto off his arm. "So your loyalty lies with your stomach, huh... How about we go inside?"

"Let's go to the other guestroom. Kurenai-sensei and Hinata-chan are probably ransacking my room right now with frilly stuff." 

Shikamaru nodded in agreement and the two walked over to the guestroom across from Naruto's, where Sasuke had briefly stayed. Naruto immediately attacked the basket of fruits, ripping off the wrappings gleefully to pull out an orange. He tried to peel the skin off. The skin refused to be peeled. Shikamaru rolled his eyes.

"You don't peel off orange skin by hand, genius. Orange is different from mandarin, you know. Give it here." 

Naruto grudgingly handed over his precious orange to Shikamaru. Shikamaru pulled out a _kunai_ and plunged it into the orange.

"...Shikamaru, is that _kunai _sanitary?" Naruto nervously asked. Shikamaru paused in his task.

"Naruto, we're guys. We're _supposed_ to be unsanitary."

"Neji will skin you alive if he heard you saying that. Come to think of it, I have to take my prenatal vitamins..." Naruto thoughtfully scratched the nape of his neck. "Where did I put those things again?"

"Your _what_?" Shikamaru nearly cut off one of his fingers at that. Note to self: talking to Naruto and handling a _kunai_ at the same time was dangerous.

"Vitamins. Folic acid and calcium and stuff. For the baby," Naruto supplied, taking the half-peeled orange from Shikamaru and happily munching at the sweet fruit inside. "I'm not throwing up anymore, so I can eat stuff. I either hungry or sleepy all the time now. I'm going to get really fat at this rate..."

Shikamaru lowered his eyes to gawk at Naruto's stomach, which was starting to grow. "Ooooh shit. I so didn't need to hear that from a _guy_ friend. You go out of your way to be troublesome, don't you?"

Naruto gave him a thumbs-up. "It's a hard work, but I try!"

Shikamaru groaned. Naruto snickered, then frowned. "...Shikamaru, help me go to the bathroom?"

"Huh?" Shikamaru asked in disbelief. Naruto scowled at him, blushing.

"I have to piss, but I'm really tired. _You_ try having a brat on top of your bladder. Makes you want to piss like every other minute."

"..." Shikamaru suddenly pointed a finger at Naruto. "You're shitty troublesome! I'm even considering not marrying because girls are troublesome, but you're ten, no, ten thousand times more troublesome than any girl!"

Naruto stared at him before wailing, "You're so mean! Forget it, then I'll just piss in my pants and tell Hinata-chan you wouldn't help me go to the freaking bathroom!!!"

"I'm going to die a bachelor," Shikamaru hissed under his breath. "I am sooo not going to reproduce and go through this ever in my life again. It's not even my brat and it's giving me this much trouble..."

Even while complaining, Shikamaru pulled Naruto into his back and carried him to the bathroom. While he waited for his friend to take care of his problem, Shikamaru wondered if he should adopt kids or avoid marriage all together.

* * * * *

Sasuke leaned against a cherry blossom tree, gloomily staring at his house. He found the house unbearably austere and quiet. The stillness had never bothered him before, but now the emptiness he felt brought back the memories he made with Naruto and made his heart throb so painfully that he was tempted to rip his heart out of his chest to stop the pain. Sasuke deeply sighed and closed his eyes. The pain in his heart worsened when he thought of Hinata. The girl was cute and sweet. She would be an ideal wife for affection-starved Naruto. They would make such a cute couple. But Sasuke wasn't sure if he could handle watching Naruto marrying Hinata and having children with her. Of course it would be a great thing-- Naruto loved children so much, and Sasuke could never give children to Naruto even had he stayed with him-- but... Naruto's happiness that did not include him...

Sasuke's fatigued brain willed the boy to cease his thoughts and ease himself to slumber. As the warm spring sun shone upon the boy and flowers' perfume wafted in the air, Sasuke fell into a troubled sleep.

Naruto cautiously poked his head out from behind the gates that guarded the Uchiha manor. Hinata had made _sakura-mochi _for him, and the thought of cherry blossoms suddenly made him desperately want to see Sakura and Sasuke. Being the intellectual he was, Naruto obeyed his urges and paid respect to Sakura's grave, then came to Sasuke's house, but now the part of his brain that actually thought was yelling at his thoughtless behavior. He couldn't even use _jutsu_; how would he catch a glimpse of Sasuke without Sasuke discovering him? Naruto grimaced. He couldn't face Sasuke right now, especially in his condition. He didn't show much if at all, but Sasuke would probably notice that he lost weight everywhere except his waist. How was he going to explain that?

Naruto nearly fell over when he located Sasuke. He was asleep, of all things. Outside. Vulnerable as anything. Sasuke hadn't even bothered to lock his gates. Naruto felt both relief and disappointment that Sasuke chose this moment to take a nap. He cautiously approached Sasuke, and stared in awe at Sasuke's sleeping form, almost radiant with warm sunshine.

'An angel,' Naruto decided. 'He looks like an angel.'

Naruto kneeled down next to Sasuke and waved his hands in front of Sasuke's face to make sure he was asleep, then poked at his cheek. Sasuke frowned, but he continued to sleep. Naruto tilted his head to the side. Sasuke had never been such a heavy sleeper, nor had he ever been so careless. He must be exhausted to sleep so deeply. Naruto brushed Sasuke's hair back, then placed a light kiss on his cheek. He tried to tuck Sasuke's hair behind his ear. Sasuke leaned into Naruto's touches until he started to fall over. Naruto yelped and caught him, then carefully lowered him to the ground to place Sasuke's head upon his lap.

"Look, Baby," Naruto said, his voice hushed. "Your dad... Well, your other one."

Naruto took hold of Sasuke's hand and placed it against his stomach. He overlapped Sasuke's hand with his own. "...Sasuke... your baby..." Naruto felt his eyes sting, so he furiously rubbed at his eyes with his free hand. Damn pollens. "Our baby, Sasuke. We're... we're going to be parents, you know..."

Naruto cut himself off. Something had moved inside of him. A bit like fluttering movement, hardly perceptible, but.... Naruto held his breath, clutching Sasuke's hand tightly against his stomach. There was a movement again.

"Oh crap. It's kicking!" Naruto yelped, covering his mouth with his hand. "Sasuke, dude, it's actually moving! You can feel it, too, can't you?!"

Naruto stared down at his stomach in awe before he turned his head to look at Sasuke, grinning proudly. Sure he had wanted to feel the baby in his wife's stomach, but hell, he felt his first child kicking! Naruto's smile, however, was short lived. Sasuke was frowning deeply. Tears clung to his long eyelashes, then quickly slid down his cheeks as he slightly struggled against Naruto's hand. "...ruto." Sasuke finally choked out. "Naruto... Don't leave me..."

Naruto leapt up from his seat as if burned, almost cracking Sasuke's skull in the process. He caught Sasuke's head in time and slowly lowered Sasuke's head to the ground, then clumsily wiped Sasuke's tears away. He stared at Sasuke, quite at a loss as to what to do. He abruptly turned and hurriedly left, clutching his stomach tightly against him.

* * * * *

__

"Sasuke, your baby. Our baby, Sasuke. We're going to be parents!"

Sasuke placed his hand against Naruto's stomach, wondering what kind of sick nightmare his unconsciousness was making this time. He flinched when something moved inside Naruto's stomach. His eyes widened, he could only stare at Naruto as Naruto happily smiled at him.

"It's kicking!"

"Oh God, please don't let me wake up from this dream," Sasuke muttered to himself as he felt a lump in his throat. It was so obvious that this was a dream, yet... The feel of warm stomach under his palm, the soft flutter of life inside his spouse... Naruto... His child... "Naruto, please don't disappear. Naruto, please don't leave me..."

He felt tears running down his face. Naruto stared at him before jerking away. Sasuke choked on his tears and tried to catch him, but Naruto was too fast. He was running away. He was disappearing right in front of him and there was nothing he could do...

Sasuke startled awake. He rubbed his eyes and was dismayed to find his eyes wet. He had been crying in his sleep, then. Sasuke snorted in disgust at himself and sat up from the ground. Why was he on the ground anyway? Didn't he lean against the tree before going to sleep? Sasuke frowned and flexed his digits. The feel of baby against his fingers had felt so real. The soft, gentle nudges on warm, slightly swollen stomach...

"I am becoming a nutcase," Sasuke solemnly told himself. "I'm now having hallucinations about him being pregnant, of all things."

Sasuke grimaced and massaged the nape of his neck. "I really need to get the hell out of here before I completely lose it. I can't live here..." He deeply sighed and started to stand up, but paused. 

Who left his gate open?

* * * * *

Shikamaru placed another stone on the _goban_, effectively destroying the white stone's established territory in the area. Ino frowned before resigning, "I have lost... Is something bothering you, Shikamaru? Normally you wouldn't crush me so brutally."

"It's Naruto," Chouji supplied. "Shikamaru has been in a foul mood for quite a long time, actually."

"What did Naruto do?" Ino started to clear the _goban_ of the white stones, while Shikamaru took care of the black stones. Shikamaru rolled his eyes. 

"He went and got himself pregnant."

"..." It took few seconds to register this. "...what?"

"You heard me," Shikamaru dryly said. "He's with Sasuke's kid. And he's keeping it."

"...Naruto's a boy, right?" Ino slowly asked. "He's not a flat-chested girl?"

"No, he's a boy," Chouji cheerfully said, offering Shikamaru a pocky. When his friend refused, he shoved the chocolate-covered sweet in his mouth anyway before adding, "At least, phenotypically. His pregnancy had something to do with genetics, which I don't remember the details of. You can ask the hokage-sama or Shizune-san; they reassured us that it's possible."

"But that's not the problem here; the idiot insists on giving birth to the kid! I can list five good reasons right off top of my head why it will be a very, very bad idea, but does he listen? _No_!" Shikamaru slammed the _go_ stones on the _goban_ and Chouji whimpered. His father would kill him if the _goban_ so much as sported a scratch. 

"It should definitely be aborted," Ino agreed, a strange gleam coming into her eyes. 

Chouji nervously said, "Well, I actually think it's very responsible of Naruto to want to keep his baby alive..." He gulped when both of his teammates glared at him. "What?! I'm just saying!"

"Well, it's Naruto's decision and I respect that," Shikamaru grudgingly said. "We just have to help him out as much as we can, man. That idiot."

Ino smiled.

* * * * *

Naruto hugged the teddy bear's soft body against his. He tossed the bear into the bear then caught it in his arms, laughing at the bear's scowl. The bear really did remind Naruto of Sasuke. At least, Sasuke when they were younger. When they had been in a sexual relationship, Sasuke always had tender, if not smiling, expression upon his face. Naruto pouted and banged the bear against his knee. "Stupid Sasuke," Naruto muttered. "Stupid, stupid Sasuke. I'm suffering because of your kid and you don't even know that. Dummy. I need your smile now. Sasuke..."

"Naruto."

Naruto choked on his saliva. He covered his mouth with his hands to prevent any sound from escaping. 

Sasuke felt a sinking sensation to his gut when he was only greeted with silence. "Naruto... Please talk to me? Let me see you one last time before I leave... Please?"

'Leave?' Naruto wondered. 'What the hell does he mean _leave_?' Naruto looked down upon himself, at his stomach which was quite... conspicuous now. He grimaced. "No."

"If nothing else, then for our old friendship's sake," Sasuke softly said. "You know you are one of my few true friends. I'm... I can't stand staying at my place, so I'm going on a journey to study different _ninjutsu_ and such. Maybe study for the anbu examination. I don't know. But I'll get out of your face for at least three years or so, so please let me see you?"

'Three _years_?!' Naruto thought, panicked. 'But Sasuke... Our baby! You won't get to see our baby when it's born! Sasuke...'

Sasuke lowered his head at the continued silence. "...I understand. I'm sorry for all trouble I have caused you. I hope that someday you will find it in your heart to forgive me. I hope you health and happiness until we meet again, Naruto."

Sasuke bowed at the door, then turned and left. He didn't realize Naruto had opened the door and was staring at his retreating back. He didn't realize Naruto covering his mouth as he softly cried, wanting to speak to him but finding his voice dead, wanting to reach him yet finding his feet unresponsive. Sasuke simply left without turning back, for turning back would never allow him to leave. He left without knowing of either his child or Naruto's love for him.

Sasuke walked through the familiar streets of Hidden Leaf Village of the Fire Country. He paused, then entered a store. When he came out few minutes later, he was holding a tan-colored teddy bear in his hands. Sasuke walked on, clutching the smiling teddy bear tightly in his arms. People quickly passed by him without so much as sparing him a glance. Between so many people, why did he feel so lonely? Sasuke felt the world swirling. He frowned as he tried to hold himself upright.

What did he eat yesterday? ...nothing.

The day before that? ...nothing. He drank some water.

Sasuke groaned. He could almost hear Neji yelling at him as he pushed various IV needles on his wrist. He tried to hold onto something, but nothing came into his grasp. He felt the world blackening out. Wasn't he fainting very often lately? Damn, he should have eaten something. Why didn't he ever listen to his friends when they said something sensible?

Sasuke collapsed and lost his conscious.

* * * * *

To be Continued

I heard that there is this group or board or something that flames fan fictions, and that my fan fictions have been the object of their flames. ...well, I don't even read things that I don't like, much less waste my life flaming it, so I'm not going to start now and read the flames. Why should I hurt myself voluntarily? Constructive criticisms are cool, but cowards who flame behind someone's back are really distasteful. I hope those guys get a life someday. Besides, who needs those meanies? I only need you guys! Don't abandon meee! ;~; - pathetic

Whoa, I covered like what? The entire first trimester in one chapter? ^^;; Um, the last time anyone around me was pregnant was five years ago when my Mum was pregnant with my baby sister, so if anything about pregnancy is wrong, please don't be too harsh about that... Blame my encyclopedia! ^^;; Naruto should be about four to five months pregnant by now. He conceived during late winter(December - January), and it's spring now(March - April), so he should feel the baby moving around now. I think. 

Ahaha. Us guys and our self-destructive behavior. I actually collapsed once because I kept forgetting to eat, too. I was very preoccupied with my work at that time. Between drinking and being anorexic and insomniac, I fear both Sasuke and I won't have very long to live with the rate that we're going with our body. ^^;;


	15. Solace

__

Neji said I can meet the baby in few more weeks! Yay! I can't wait to meet the baby! I'm going to yell at her as soon as she's born for making me so miserable for the past eight and a half months! But I'm sure she'll be really cute. If she took after her father in looks, she'll have guys worshipping her throughout her life. Ehehe. Even though I'm the one who ended up marrying Sasuke-chan. Sorry, girls!

Kurenai-sensei and Hinata's new hobby seems to be buying baby things. My room is full of weird stuff now that I didn't even know existed. Who knew babies needed so many stuff? Kurenai-sensei bought me that tarry bunny cloth I liked, even though Hinata said it'll be a horrible gift if I had a boy. I'm still going to dress the baby in that bunny cloth even if it's a boy. What he doesn't know can't hurt him! (I hope my parents didn't do anything weird to me...)

The baby plays most of the time now. She kicks and squirms and do all kind of funky things. When I talk to her or read a story to her, she's quiet, though. She's probably an intellectual type, just like Sasuke. I hope she's more fun than Sasuke, though, so we can play together. Maybe we can practice ninjutsu_ together! I can't believe I'm actually going to be a parent in few more weeks; I'm so happy! _

* * * * *

Chapter Fifteen: -Solace: ~Stolen Happiness~-

* * * * *

Naruto turned to lie on his side. He squirmed, then flipped over to face the ceiling. When that position still felt uncomfortable, he let out an exasperated sigh and sat up. "...argh! Damned brat, I can't lie down! Act more mature!"

Hinata ignored Naruto's outburst and concentrated on peeling apples. She inserted the knife under the skin of an apple piece, then cut off a triangle at the edge to make bunny ears. She handed the rabbit apple to Naruto.

"Thank you, Hinata... Did you ask Neji if there's anything that stops the brat from squirming all day?"

"There is no such thing. It's almost your due date, so wait few more weeks, Naruto-kun," Hinata scolded, picking up another apple. "It's a good sign that the baby's so active, you know. The baby is a lot smaller than average, so you should be thankful. It would've been even more uncomfortable had the baby been bigger."

Naruto bit off the rabbit apple's head. "Yeah, whatever," he bitterly said.

"Have you been thinking about the baby's name? If you want to put it in your records as soon as it's born, you'll have to decide upon its name now," Hinata said in what she hoped was a bright and cheerful voice. At the slightest hint of annoyance Naruto would burst into tears. She was worried about the hormone imbalance, but Neji had brushed Naruto's emotional instability off, saying that he was just being a big baby. Naruto shifted his unwieldy body and chewed on his lip thoughtfully.

"Oh, um. Uchiha... Sakura? Sakura-chan might like it that Sasuke's baby is named after her. It's a nice name..."

Hinata placed newly peeled apples on the plate in front of her. "What if the baby's a boy?"

Naruto shrugged. "Can't I just call him Sakura, too?"

"Naruto-kun!"

"Okay, okay. I was sort of hoping my spouse would take care of my kids' names; I don't like naming stuff." Naruto squinted at his stomach, then sighed. "What do you think, Hinata?"

Hinata gave Naruto a helpless look in return. Naruto sighed again and picked up another piece of apple. "Let's hope the brat's a girl, then. I already have enough headache without obsessing over the brat's name. I'll think about it when it's born."

"If all else fails, we can just call him Sasuke Junior," Hinata cheerfully said. Naruto made a face.

"No way. If it's going to be like that, he's going to be Naruto Junior. I'm the one who's suffering. Hey, I should name him Ramen!"

"Naruto-kun!" Hinata protested, even though she couldn't help herself from laughing softly. "Don't do that!"

"Why not? Ramen is the greatest food ever!" Naruto declared. "Or how about Udon? Soba? ...Miso?"

At the thought of a child named Uchiha Miso, both Hinata and Naruto burst into laughter. Naruto's laughter was cut short as an alarmed expression crossed his face. He clutched his stomach, his face contorting with pain. 

"Hinata?"

"What is it?" Hinata asked. Her smile vanished when she noticed the pained expression of Naruto's face. "...Naruto-kun?"

"My stomach," Naruto said, his voice growing more stained with each syllable. "It was hurting since last night, but... it really hurts now..."

Naruto gasped as he slowly kneeled on the floor, his eyes widened, his face pale. "Oh... aw, that... hurts..."

"Oh no, Neji Oniisan won't be back until next week," Hinata muttered to herself, trying not to panic. "Naruto-kun? Stay still and bear it just a little longer, okay? I'll go bring the hokage-sama."

Naruto curled up into a ball on the floor, trembling violently. Fine sheen of sweat covered his face. He looked up at Hinata with tear-stained eyes and gave her a weak nod. Hinata hurried away.

* * * * *

White. Fuzzy, yet piercingly white. Slight tilt of head brought the damp towel off of his eyes. Sasuke blinked rapidly, trying to adjust his eyes to the light that suddenly flooded his vision. His eyes rapidly scanned his surroundings while his hands groped at his waist to find something, anything, to defend himself. All of his weapons were taken away. Where the _hell_ was this place?

Sasuke's eyes narrowed, and he kicked up from his place to take a defensive crouching stance. With a low hiss of obscenities he fell back. His arms were attached to IV tubes. Few had snapped loose from his sudden movement and the holes they left bled profusely. Sasuke grit his teeth and tried to get up again, more slowly this time.

"You shouldn't do that."

Sasuke's head quickly turned to the direction of the voice. The door to the room opened, revealing the speaker. "...Gaara."

"My sister will not be happy if she has to attach all those tubes to you again. She had hard enough time finding your veins once; she will not be pleased to repeat the procedure."

"Your sister," Sasuke muttered to himself. Then: "Your home."

Gaara nodded. Sasuke grimaced at the thought of being saved by Gaara.

"Why?"

"I have told you once before," Gaara impatiently snapped. "Naruto--"

"Naruto will be happy if I die," Sasuke argued. Gaara chose to ignore him. Sasuke lightly sighed, then squinted up at the IV tubes to read the contents of fluids that were being injected into his veins. Like dust, silence started to settle. Gaara dispelled it.

"What happened to Naruto?"

"What do you mean by that?" Sasuke asked in return. Gaara shrugged.

"Naruto's _chakra_ is very unstable right now. I thought you would know something about that?"

"I haven't seen him for last four months or so; only from far distance. After his memories returned, he wished not to see me any longer." Sasuke felt his voice choking towards the end of the sentence. He shut his mouth before he allowed any more emotion to be shown. No matter how helpful, if not downright benevolent, Gaara had been lately, Sasuke still did not trust him at all. And he knew that Gaara was not overly fond of him, either. It wasn't forgivable behavior of a soldier to show weakness to a potential opponent.

"The nine-tails is anxious. There is rapid fluctuation of flow of power. Perhaps it is only a cold. Sometimes _chakra_ becomes unstable when one is sick." Gaara spared a glance towards Sasuke. "But it would be best if you check upon him."

"No. I promised him that I will be away." Sasuke watched blood trickling down from the needle holes. The tiny holes let out surprisingly large amount of blood out. Probably because the holes were directly on his veins. "The only problem is that I am uncertain as to where to go. I thought I'd study for few years; learn more _ninjutsu_. Maybe become a _jounin_ or advance to an _anbu_ member. I need to work."

Gaara looked at hallow of Sasuke's cheeks, his sharpened and grief-filled eyes, his thin lips. He turned his head away. "My sister is an _anbu_ member. You will do well to stay at my home during your studies."

"Not only have you saved me from death, but you are offering me your hospitality," Sasuke softly said, his eyes slightly widened. Gaara was being pleasant. To _him_, nevertheless. "Are you ill?"

Gaara pushed his body away from the wall that he was leaning against and started to walk out of the room. "No. If you make me repeat this one more time, I shall hurt you: Naruto will be sad if you die. Do not try to convince me otherwise. Naruto--" Gaara frowned slightly. "Well. You will have to figure things out yourself. You are not a child."

Sasuke watched Gaara's turned back. He leaned down to pick up the damp towel that had been placed on his hand and started to wipe the blood off of his arm. He frowned slightly. "Fluctuation of _chakra_..."

* * * * *

"She's away on a mission?" Hinata asked in disbelief. "When will she return?"

Kakashi rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Two... three hours? If it is an emergency, I'll do all I can to help you. Or is it a confidential matter?"

Hinata shook her head. "No sir. But only Tsunade-sama can help right now. It will be an emergency operation, I'm afraid."

"On whom?" Kakashi worried asked. Hinata nervously fidgeted.

"Naruto-kun... He's in a lot of pain."

Kakashi's eyes widened slightly. "Then I'll have to do the mission for Tsunade-sama and get her to him as soon as possible," he anxiously said. "I just hope I can handle the mission. Come, let's go find the hokage-sama."

"Thank you," Hinata gratefully said. The two hurried out of the central building.

* * * * *

Naruto grasped his stomach harder and harder as the pain became more frequent and persistent. They came in rapid and steady intervals, in rushes of constricting pain. Realizing he'll bruise his stomach if he continued to squeeze it, Naruto clutched at a blanket and buried his head into it. He tried not to cry, but it felt like he was being scalded alive in a vat of boiling oil and he couldn't die to escape the pain. He sobbed and whimpered, his voices muffled by the blanket.

The door creaked. "Hinata," Naruto croaked out, his face twisted with pain. Even through pain he felt immense relief. If he could have smiled, he would have. It didn't occur to him that it was too soon for Hinata to be back. Naruto slowly lifted his head to look at the person who had entered the room. He immediately felt his relief turning into fear. "Ino...?"

"Naruto-kun, long time no see," Ino cheerfully said. There was something maniac about her smile. Naruto curled into a tighter ball, his hands immediately tightening around his yet unborn child. "I would've come sooner, except there were all these annoying people always surrounding you."

"What are you... doing here?" Naruto asked, backing away from Ino. She slowly walked to him and kneeled over him. She gave him a leering smile. 

"It seems that you've gained some weight. How is the baby?"

"Go away," Naruto pleaded. He felt his back against the wall. "Please go away."

"I was the one who was supposed to have Sasuke-kun's baby," Ino mused. She turned a sharp gaze at Naruto, hatred seething in her voice. "Didn't you know that? Why must you take everything away from me, Naruto? Why? You're a male, and you still insist on making my life miserable by having Sasuke-kun's child?!"

"Ino..." Naruto shuddered against the pain in his stomach. It was getting worse. "Please..."

Naruto rapidly blinked his eyes. His vision was blurry with tears. He could make faint outline of glistening object in Ino's hand. 'Oh, f***,' he thought. 'Isn't that a _kunai_?'

Figuring out the object didn't really help him, as his unwieldiness and pain he was in prevented him from doing anything much anyway. He weakly protested and cried as he felt the sharp knife plunging into his stomach. It cut through his skin noiselessly, a nice, clean cut. Blood and water gushed out from the wound. In hellish pain Naruto felt the knife moving through his flesh with strange certainty. The cold blade sliced through the flesh easily, and sick wet sound accompanied hysterical screaming to fill up the room. Naruto was vaguely aware that the scream was ripped from his throat. Then something slithered out of his stomach, and Naruto thought that his intestines were falling out.

Except sharp sound of crying filled the air, and it wasn't Naruto's voice any longer. Naruto blindly clutched at the warm, wet entity. It was slippery and squirmy, and was bawling profusely. 'It's my baby,' Naruto thought, amazed at the thought. His eyes, hazy and glazed with pain, stared at his child. Naruto decided that it was one of the ugliest thing he had ever seen. A bit like skinned rabbit.

Ino regarded the sobbing child, fascinated at how closely the baby resembled Sasuke. 'I must've waited too long. It seems like it was ready to be born anyway,' she thought gloomily. 'Maybe I won't kill it right now. It's half Sasuke-kun, after all...'

A flick of _kunai_ detached the last bond that Naruto and his baby shared as the knife cut off the umbilical chord. Ino carefully picked up the bloody child. 

"No," Naruto weakly protested in a hoarse voice. He tried to reach out his arm to get his child back. "No... Please, Ino, give him back to me... It's the only thing I have... left..."

"The baby won't be happy with a male mother like you," Ino scornfully said. "What will everyone think about this child? I'll take the baby to where it can be raised with better life than what demon like you can possibly provide."

"No... I'm going to be a good parent," Naruto begged, sobbing. "Please... return my child to me. Please..."

Naruto tried to pull himself up, use _jutsu_, something, anything, but his muscles were immobile. Mere struggles only caused his skin to rip further and for blood to pour forth faster. He knew that if he moved too much, his organs would start falling out. He didn't care. "Ino. Please... please don't take it away from me! I don't have anyone... Please..."

Naruto's trembling hand reached out to his child. His vision was starting to sway violently. He felt his temperature drop rapidly. He felt Ino kicking his hand away, her cold blue eyes staring down at him with contempt. What was left to him, then? His parents, his friends, his lover, his child. Why couldn't he keep anyone? Why did he have to be alone?

Naruto felt his eyes turn crimson and red _chakra_ surrounding his body as _kyuubi no youko _took over his body. He was only too happy to lose himself in his subconscious, because the pain was really starting to be too much to bear. 

* * * * *

Everyone was rather quiet. Shikamaru mutely watched his blood drip into Naruto's vein. The only thing he had to be glad about was that they both had O type of blood. Even with the _kyuubi_'s powers, Naruto had lost too much blood too quickly and would have died had Tsunade not readily transfused Shikamaru's blood to him. It took all of Tsunade's powers to suppress the raging _kyuubi_ enough to put it to sleep, and now Naruto was blankly staring ahead, his hands folded on top of his now flat stomach.

Hinata was the only one who dared to cry, her face hidden in Kiba's shoulder. 

"Who could have done such a thing? Why?" She wailed. "He loved that baby so much... He wanted to have it... So cruel..."

Kiba, who was not sure how to comfort her, remained silent. He wanted to put his arms around her and reassure her that everything would be fine. But he knew well that everything would not be fine.

"Naruto, who did it?" Shikamaru asked, his voice cold and deadly. "Tell me who, Naruto. I will make them regret that they were born."

Naruto remained silent. Shikamaru clutched at his shoulder with his free hand, shaking him roughly. "Damn it, wake up! It's not time for you to be spaced out; don't you dare go back to that whole denial shit again!"

Naruto raised his eyes to stare at Shikamaru. "But Shikamaru... I couldn't protect it." Frustrated tears welled up in his eyes. "How come I can't protect anyone who's important to me? Will I have to be alone for the rest of my life? Shikamaru, I'm scared... I'm so scared..."

"Stop that," Shikamaru pleaded. "You're not being yourself. Please return to usual Naruto. You can always have another kid, Naruto. Please... Let's get Sasuke here. No, screw Sasuke. If it's a baby you want, I'll make one with you. I'll take even better care of you than I did during this one's pregnancy. Naruto, wake up..."

Naruto felt his flat stomach. "Shikamaru... I never got to dress my baby in those little clothes. What do I do with those clothes, Shikamaru..." Naruto felt tears rapidly falling into his hands. "Should I... Should I throw them out? But then if I do that, there won't be any proof that my baby existed... What do I do with those little clothes..."

Shikamaru felt tears running down his face. He tightly embraced Naruto to hide his tears.

* * * * *

The baby cried weakly, flailing its arms. It hadn't been fed since the moment of its birth. It was rapidly weakening as it thrashed in the little basket, almost smothered by blankets. Ino carefully tucked the blanket around the baby.

"Forgive me, baby," Ino softly said. "I can never kill you. After all, you're half Sasuke-kun. But you're also half someone else... If someone finds you and raises you, that'll be great. But if a wild anime eats your or you starve to death, that is your fate... I'm so sorry..."

The baby squinted its ocean-colored eyes, then sucked at its thumb. Not finding any milk, it burst into tears again. Ino's tears fell on the baby's cheek, drenching the soft flesh with salty water. Ino brushed back the soft, downy hair on the baby's head. It was dark blue, same shade of Sasuke's hair. But its rounded chin and soft curve of eyes definitely had come from Naruto. Ino softly cried. "If only you were my child, you poor baby... I would have loved you so much..."

Ino turned and left the child in the midst of the dense forest bordering the hidden leaf and the hidden sand villages. All three options-- being found by a human, being found by a wild animal, or starving to death-- were equally possible. The child miserably cried.

* * * * *

To Be Continued

Many readers expressed relief that Sasuke had passed out and thus probably did not leave the Hidden Leaf Village. ...well, he did. I'm sorry. ^^;; Because if he's constantly watching Naruto, even from afar, it's kind of hard not to notice Naruto blowing up like a balloon. Anyway, I always tell myself, 'For heaven's sake, Shiro, avoid the cliche. Cut that joke out; it's not funny. Fix that dumb paragraph. And do the unexpected! Entertain the readers!' So. Yes. The whole male pregnancy had something to do with that, too. Do the weird thing! ^^;;

Because some people asked: You're more than welcomed to post anything I have written/drawn in my life anywhere you want, but please link my e-mail or website address somewhere. And if you want to change something(e.g. cut out these stupid author's notes that I always write at the end), please e-mail me. Ah, and I'll appreciate it very much if you e-mail me the link to your site. I want to ogle at the site and be flattered that people want to put my stories up. *laughs* 


	16. Soulless

__

I lost it. The gift from Sasuke-chan... Our baby... I couldn't protect it. It died. I want to convince myself that it didn't, but Ino took it away, and I see very little possibility that it's alive. She was the one who ripped it out of my stomach, intending to kill it on the spot. I no longer have any desire to live. I can not live without others, yet I only cause death. The best thing for me to do, then, is to disappear from this world.

It won't be so bad. Life was good. I never got to be a hokage, but I got to be someone that Sasuke-chan loved and cherished. Our love bore a fruit and I got to mother a child, even though that was kind of weird. I found out my parents didn't hate me. I had lots of friends. I hope I can meet our baby and my parents when I die. I really hope so...

If you find this later, Sasuke-chan, I'm sorry for writing on your diary and calling you Sasuke-chan. I love you tons; sorry about never telling you that. ...I'm sorry for dying ahead of you.

* * * * *

Chapter Sixteen: -Soulless-

* * * * *

Temari had been considerate. All of the numerous tubes in Sasuke's arm were located solely at his left arm, leaving his right arm free. That was good. Right side was his dominant hand. So it was with this free right arm that Sasuke struggled to open the window. The simple task of opening the window, however, proved to be quite a challenge with one hand. Or perhaps the window hinges were rusty. Gaara didn't seem to be the type to care about ventilating his room. Sasuke applied pressure to the left side of the window, then to the right side. He wriggled it in the center. The window inched open slowly, then suddenly broke loose and shot up all the way, nearly sending Sasuke toppling out of the window. Sasuke cursed the window. Then he cursed Gaara. It was probably a conspiracy against him. Evil Gaara and his conspiring room.

Sasuke immediately shut his eyes to block out the sunlight. It was too strong for his eyes. He slowly opened his eyes again when the rays of light filtering through his eyelids stopped feeling painful, giving them a chance to adjust to the luminosity difference this time. His eyes focused, and Sasuke was finally able to take in his surroundings.

"No way..."

Because it was autumn. It was undoubtedly autumn. The sky was cloudless and clear; the bright yellow and red leaves fluttered at the edge of tree branches as if mocking him. But it had been spring when he attempted to leave Konoha and passed out instead. Just how many months had he been unconscious? What amazed Sasuke even more than the rapid passage of time was Gaara's reaction to him when he first woke up. Provided that this was not some weird illusionary technique, one would expect Gaara to be more glad when Sasuke opened his eyes after few months. Or at least, be more surprised. But no, Gaara hadn't so much as blinked an eye when Sasuke woke up. Sasuke sighed. 

"Uchiha, you're awake?"

Sasuke turned his eyes away from the window to look at Gaara's older sister.

"Yes."

"Since when?" Temari asked, walking up to the bed and setting a case of medications on the floor. She reached out to check Sasuke's temperature. He immediately recoiled. "If I was going to hurt you, I would have done so while you were sleeping. Don't annoy me. I'm not patient."

Sasuke obediently held still as Temari checked his temperature and pulse. "I was awake since yesterday. I believe it was afternoon from the air's humidity level, but I'm not positive."

"I thought Gaara was watching you all day yesterday," Temari said, more to herself than to Sasuke. But Sasuke nodded.

"Yes, he was here."

Temari exploded, "If someone who was unconscious for God-forsaken months steers awake, the least thing he could have done was to inform me! I can't believe this; what is his problem?!"

Sasuke silently agreed. He was starting to think better of Temari, even though she was Gaara's sister. "How long have I been knocked out?"

"About five months and a half. What have you been doing? Your liver was almost completely destroyed." Temari scolded, "You know good health is everything to a soldier. Weren't you supposed to be an elite ninja?"

Sasuke grimaced. "That's the key word. Supposed to be."

"So I assume you were being stupid and ran around, drinking alcohol with empty stomach?" At Sasuke's nod, Temari had the grace not to yell at him. Instead she muttered to herself about stupidity of teens and their binge drinking. She paused when she got to Sasuke's arm. "And what the hell happened here?"

"I snapped few of the tubes when I leapt up from the bed," Sasuke explained. When Temari stared at him, Sasuke wondered if that was the wrong thing to say. Apparently it was, because she became angry again.

"And you didn't call me over and asked me to fix the tubes last night because?! Do you realize you haven't eaten nor taken any fluid in months and you'll die when your IV tubes are snapped?! You're probably dehydrated to the point of death!"

Sasuke wondered if all medic ninja-tachi snapped at their patients. Tsunade sure seemed to enjoy doing that, but Neji only yelled at him when he did something really stupid. He remained silent, because that usually was the best thing to do with angry people. Temari poked at him with sharp things to find his veins again. For some reason, Sasuke's veins decided to disappear. The needles drew plenty of blood, but the veins had yet to appear. When all the IV tubes were finally connected to his bloodstream again, Sasuke was left with a big pool of blood underneath his bruising arm which was starting to resemble a pin cushion. It hurt. He decided that he would not try to pull out the IV tubes again anytime soon.

* * * * *

Shikamaru watched Naruto pack up all the baby objects in a box. Naruto was being painfully careful about the packing. He neatly folded all the clothes up. He found all the bottles and arranged them in a file. He placed heavy objects at the bottom. 

"You're being anal."

Naruto didn't respond to Shikamaru's comment. He found a bloodspot on the floor. He rubbed at it with his sleeve. The blood wouldn't come off. Naruto rubbed harder. He looked up when Shikamaru wound his arms around his waist and pulled him up from the floor. Naruto struggled to get free.

"Do you want to eat something, Naruto?" Shikamaru asked. He tried not to make his voice sound pleading, but it came out sounding pathetic anyway. Naruto shook his head and tried to get away. Shikamaru tried again. "Do you want to go somewhere? I don't think you should stay here, Naruto."

"Shikamaru," Naruto finally said. His voice was quiet, but there was steely edge to his words. "F___ off, okay? You're a great guy and I think it's very nice of you to try to help me, but I want to be alone right now. Can't you see that?"

"You know that it would be a very bad idea to leave you alone right now," Shikamaru snapped. Naruto broke free from him and went back to packing up his baby's clothes. "...what are you going to do with those things once you finished packing them?"

"I don't know. I think I should burn it." Naruto tucked in the baby blanket. "You burn dead person's things, right?"

"We don't know if the kid's dead yet," Shikamaru said, trying to sound reassuring. "Who took the kid? If you tell us, we at least have a clue as to where to start looking for the kid. Why aren't you telling us anything?"

Naruto shook his head. "I don't deserve that child if I couldn't even protect it."

"You were in labor!"

"Besides, if I find out that that child really is dead, I will commit suicide." Naruto tucked the top of box together to seal it. "At least this way I do not know whether the child is alive or dead. That gives me a hope. But the child probably died, so I should burn its things."

"The kidnapper is someone we know?" Shikamaru softly asked, knowing he was pleading again. He didn't care. Naruto looked at him, then turned away.

"Shikamaru, please leave."

"Naruto..." Shikamaru took Naruto's cheek in his hands. "Haven't you still learned? Denial doesn't solve anything at all. Hiding your feelings, building a protective wall around yourself like that and faking happiness does absolutely nothing! Aren't you going to cry?"

Naruto shook his head. "I'm not in denial. I'm not faking anything. I'm just numb, Shikamaru... Like when your arm is amputated. I can't feel anything anymore. The tears dried up."

Shikamaru pressed his forehead against Naruto's. "Don't lie to yourself, Naruto... Please don't lie to yourself. There is no human who can't feel..."

Naruto smiled sadly, pressing his hands against his heart. "This is good. It doesn't hurt anymore. I think my heart froze."

Tears that drenched Naruto's cheeks were Shikamaru's tears. 

* * * * *

Sasuke startled awake when something warm and squirming was pushed into his face. Apparently Temari had injected him with tranquilizers, because it was too early for him to sleep. "What the..." he muttered, rubbing his eyes. He squinted at the little thing. "A baby? Gaara, what's your problem?"

"Take it," Gaara snapped. Sasuke took the baby and held it. He gave an incredulous look to Gaara.

"...am I supposed to congratulate you?"

"The brat's not mine. I picked him up at the forest," Gaara grumpily said. "Naruto's _chakra _went berserk yesterday, so I went to see him. When I followed his _chakra_, I found this brat instead."

Sasuke turned his head to examine the baby. He noted the whisker-like scars on the child's cheeks and its big blue eyes. "...you mean, this child is Naruto's...?"

"My sister is running some tests, but I'm positive it's Naruto's," Gaara affirmed. "We're going to keep it here until we find Naruto and ask him why he left his newborn son in the middle of a forest. As you know very well, the forest around this area is anything but a nice, safe place."

Sasuke cradled the baby against his chest. The baby nuzzled against him, waving its little fists contently at the warmth of another human. "His mother must not have wanted him and thrown him away without telling Naruto. Naruto is not the type to abandon his own child." Sasuke grimaced at the child's blue-tinted black hair. "I actually have a very good idea as to whom this child's mother is. I wonder why the child didn't inherit the _byakugan_; I thought it was a dominant gene like the _sharingan_..."

"Name it. You'll be in charge for it," Gaara said.

"What? Why?" Sasuke asked, even though he would have asked to be given the child anyway. The child was Naruto's, and thus his own. Not to mention the child looked a lot like Naruto. But he had to make sure he didn't look too eager. "You're the one who picked it up. Besides, I don't know anything about children."

"It's Naruto's kid, and you're his spouse," Gaara answered, eyeing the child. "Of course, if you want me to keep the kid, I can't refuse Naruto's kid..."

Sasuke briefly entertained the idea of Gaara raising a child. "...no way in hell. I'm not letting a child die." Sasuke scrutinized the child again, at his rounded cheeks, the mischievous sparkle in his eyes, at his tightly clenched fists. "Shuichiro(Good/kind first son). Uzumaki Shuichiro."

"That's a strange name for Naruto's kid," Gaara commented. Sasuke shrugged.

"If he's Naruto's child, he'll probably be a horrible child. But maybe if you keep calling him a good kid, he'll have a guilty conscience to be good. Or maybe it'll work as some kind of subliminal message. Anyway, it's a nice name."

Sasuke poked at the Shu's cheek. Shu immediately turned his head towards the finger, trying to suck on the finger. "Is he hungry?"

"Temari said you have to feed him three hours later. She already fed him." Gaara wearily eyed Shu, who was still trying to find Sasuke's finger. Sasuke was all but melting at the cute baby, already acting fatherly. It was disgusting. What was even more disgusting was that he wanted to poke Shu's cheek, too. He should have played with the baby more before bringing him to Sasuke. Gaara futilely tried not to be jealous as Sasuke looked delighted when Shu clutched at his finger tightly with his tiny hand. 

"He has quite a grip for such a tiny thing," Sasuke murmured, grinning. "You'll be a terror on two legs when you start walking, won't you, Shuichiro?"

Sasuke and Gaara looked up when the door to Gaara's room opened. Temari was staring at the papers in her hands.

"The child doesn't have any disabilities or problems, but his blood is a little weird. It's an O type, but it clumps when introduced to normal O type blood. I think it's an advanced bloodline."

Sasuke looked confused. "You must have gotten something wrong. Hinata is AB and Naruto is O. There is no way that a child with O type blood can be born between them."

Temari shrugged. "Well, he is. His blood accepts O just fine, while rejecting all other blood phenotypes. And in answer to your question, Gaara, the child is half-demon. Demon mother and normal father heterozygous chromosome."

Sasuke and Gaara exchanged looks. "...you know as well as I do that Naruto and I are only people with demon in our blood." Gaara finally said. "There are no girls who are possessed with demon."

"Um, are your results accurate?" Sasuke asked.

"You test his blood and DNA, then," Temari snapped. "Demonic _chakra_ only taints the X chromosome, so if he had a demon father, he wouldn't even have demonic genes. He'll just be a normal child."

Sasuke shrugged and held squirming Shu in his arms. He poked at Shu's hand and swung the fist up and down when Shu clutched his finger tightly. "I guess we'll find out when we return this guy to Naruto."

Gaara, who was staring at Sasuke, then at Shu, quietly asked, "What were your parents' blood types, Uchiha?"

"A and O. Why?" Sasuke asked. Gaara shrugged.

"Just asking..."

* * * * *

The sun had yet to rise over the horizon. Naruto watched Shikamaru. He was fast asleep. Naruto reached out his hand to touch him, but pulled his hand away and bitterly laughed instead.

"It's a really good thing I got away from Sasuke-chan, because everyone I like seems to die off... Thank you for everything, Shikamaru. Neji, Hinata, everyone. I hope you guys forgive me for doing this."

Naruto gave a pat to the box, where the baby's belongings were neatly packed away. "Don't worry, baby. I'll come to you soon. We won't be lonely, just like I promised you."

Naruto smiled softly-- a content, gentle smile-- and slipped out of the room.

* * * * *

Sasuke steered awake at the wailing sound. He sleepily pulled Shu closer to him, pressing his cheek against the baby's soft cheek. "What's wrong, little one? It's too early in the morning..."

He groggily opened his eyes, hoping with all his heart it was not a diaper problem. No matter how cute Shu was and how closely he resembled Naruto, feces was still not cute. Especially so early in the morning. Sasuke blinked at the child, his brows knitting, then he blinked again. He suddenly sat up, clutching Shu closely to his chest as he stared at the baby's eyes.

Blood-red eyes with three yin-yang symbols imbedded into the edge of the iris. The symbol of Uchiha bloodline. The _sharingan_.

* * * * *

To Be Continued

I'm assuming lots of things here... That Sasuke is heterozygous for his black eyes, so he can actually have a blue-eyed child. That Sasuke is heterozygous for AO, and that he's an A-type. (Sasuke seems like A or AB; Naruto is definitely B or O personality.) That _sharingan_ and _byakugan_ can be expressed in heterozygous genes and that the demon _chakra_ is a sex-linked incomplete-dominant gene. These genes were assigned only for the purposes of this fan fiction, so even if Shikamaru's AB instead of O and Naruto is B instead of O, please ignore it... ^^;; (Shikamaru really seemed like an O, though.) Too much genetics in one fan fiction, though. Sorry about that; it's my current obsession. _O 

Me, imply ShikaNaru? What gave you such an idea? ^_~ I think the correct romanization for Shuichiro is Shuuichirou, but whatever. Too long. I debated between Shuichiro and Shuusuke, but Shuichiro won at the end. Sasuke doesn't know the child is his, so it will be weird if he named the child with -suke ending after himself. ^^;; 

I was dissecting a fetal pig and have fallen in love with the scalpel. It's such a nice scalpel! I have my own dissection kit, but my scalpel is dull and you have to saw(literally) into skin of your specimen. But my school's scalpel cuts away bones with barely any effort at all! ^^ It's the scalpel that real surgeons use. I want it~ The pig was very nice, too. No where as nasty as cats and minks. I don't think kunai is as sharp as those scalpels, so I think medic ninja should use scalpels instead of kunai-tachi. X3 Now that I have just finished writing chapter 17 and thus finished Ano Toki, I suddenly have this regret... That I should have used scalpel somewhere in this fan fiction... ^^;;


	17. So

Chapter Seventeen: -Sore Kara no Boku-ra wa: ~So From Then on, We Were...~-

* * * * *

Sasuke stared at Shu's _sharingan_. Everything was a mess, and he was confused out of his mind. What in the world was Naruto's kid doing with a _sharingan_? Never mind the fact that such a small baby even had a _sharingan_; the demon _chakra_ probably aided in expressing the imperfect _sharingan_ so early. But wasn't it only given to people who was an Uchiha by blood? Did Naruto get _sharingan_ from having sex with him and then passed it to his child? That was absurd; there would be a lot more people with _sharingan_ if it was that easy to get. Did he have a female relative he didn't know about whom Naruto had made this child with? But that was even more absurd, because Itachi did a very thorough job of killing off all the Uchiha and the only person he knew for sure who had sex with Naruto nine months ago was himself. 

Nine months. At that time, Sasuke had just married Naruto and they have been screwing like bunnies. There was no way that Naruto could have made this child without him knowing. Come to think of it, there was no way that this child was Hinata's, because the only one who had had any kind of sexual interaction with Naruto at that time...

"But he's a boy," Sasuke muttered to himself. He held the bawling baby close to his chest, feeling Shu clutching his shirt tightly. "Naruto's a boy. There is no way that Shuichiro can be mine. Naruto is most definitely a boy."

Shu sobbed and complained for reasons only known to himself, his frail little legs kicking at Sasuke's stomach. Sasuke's eyes widened. The little nudges on the stomach, the warm, small hand overlapping his own hand. His husband's excited voice.

__

"Our baby, Sasuke. We're going to be parents!"

But that was a dream.

__

"It's kicking! You can feel it, too, can't you?"

Sasuke's expression stiffened. His door had been left open after he woke up from that dream. And then here was a baby in his arms few months after that, with bluish black hair and a _sharingan_. Sasuke stared more closely at the child's face. Now that he was entertaining the possibility that the child was his, he saw the resemblance between himself and the child. Narrowed eyes with long eyelashes, high cheekbones, thin lips. Sasuke shook his head and placed Shu back on the bed, wrapping the blanket around the baby's body tightly. He leaned down to kiss Shu's forehead.

"...I'm going to go talk to your Dad, okay? Hush, don't cry so. I'll be right back."

Sasuke looked up at Gaara, who was silently staring at Shu, his arms crossed over his chest and his back against the wall. "Gaara, I'm sorry, but can you ask your sister..."

"Don't worry about the brat and go talk to Naruto." Gaara eyed Shu, who was going into a hysterical tantrum, his little arms and legs furiously kicking the blanket off. Even though he was worried about Naruto, he was silently rejoicing in the fact that he would get Shu all to himself. "Something horrible is happening to Naruto. Both the brat and I are upset by this. Naruto's _chakra_ is so weak that I can't even sense it anymore. Go."

"Na... Naruto's not dead, is he?" Sasuke asked, his eyes widened, fear creeping to his voice. Gaara closed his eyes and did not reply. Sasuke bit down on his lower lip until his canines pierced the lip and he started to bleed. He ignored the blood and splintered out of the room.

* * * * *

"Where the hell is that idiot?!" Shikamaru snarled. His eyes held pure murder. He was going to tie Naruto up and lock him in his room as soon as he found him. He was going to drug Naruto with paralyzing potions, tie him up with chains, and lock him up in a _chakra_-shielded room. Neji sighed, dispelling the _byakugan_. He couldn't find Naruto.

"Any luck, Kakashi-sensei?"

Kakashi shook his head. "My nin-dogs can not find Naruto. He must be up on a tree or under water, where the earth does not touch him."

"Akamaru's not having any luck, either," Kiba said, gathering the dog into his arms. "Let's split up and look for him physically. High places and lakes are our best bet right now."

"He couldn't have gone too far," Shikamaru said, his eyes sharpening immediately. "His body is too weak, and he had been missing for only an hour. The furthest distance he could have gone without using _chakra_... ten kilometers?"

"Is Naruto here?"

All eyes turned to look at Sasuke. Before Shikamaru leapt at his throat and ripped it out, Neji quickly stepped forward and pulled Sasuke aside, wrapping his arm around Sasuke's shoulder and quickly whispering the situation to Sasuke. "Naruto's been missing for a hour. We're all going to search for him ten kilometer radius from this house. You should come, too." And then Neji dug into his jacket, retrieving Sasuke's diary. "Naruto's been keeping this; read his entries while Shikamaru plans out the search team. Unfortunately, he gives no clue as to his possible whereabouts."

"Naruto's been keeping my journal?" Sasuke repeated. "...he wrote on it?"

Neji nodded and pulled his arm away from Sasuke when he was reassured that Shikamaru was too busy planning out the search party to kill Sasuke. Sasuke rapidly flipped through his own writings and came upon Naruto's messy entries and doodles. Sasuke's eyes widened progressively as he skimmed through nine month's worth of entries, and he slammed the book shut when he finished reading the last entry.

"That dimwit."

With that comment, Sasuke turned and ran, not bothering to wait until Shikamaru placed him in a search team. 

* * * * *

Naruto hummed a little song he made up as he picked up a rock from the ground. He dusted it off and placed it in his jacket's pocket. Theoretically, filling his pockets with rocks should keep his body down in the water. He hoped so, because it would be really nasty if he floated up after he drowned and he became all bloated and rotten. That was definitely not the last image of him he wanted to leave to his friends. Naruto straightened and patted his bulging jacket and pant pockets. He shrugged and decided it was enough. He started to walk into deeper part of the lake, clutching Sasuke the Bear tightly against his chest. The teddy bear that resembled Sasuke was looking even more annoyed than usual, and Naruto didn't blame him. Wet teddy bear was probably an unhappy teddy bear.

"Naruto."

Naruto turned to look at the speaker. His blank expression did not change. His voice was hallow, but cheerful. "Hey, Ino."

Ino's hair was loose, framing her oval face. Her eyes were wild, insane, and she looked so desperate and lost that Naruto stopped walking and stared at her. Ino hurriedly made her way to him-- how she found him, he had no idea-- and tripped over a rock, sending splashes of water everywhere. Naruto watched her, not stepping closer to her, but not backing away, either. She picked herself up and treaded her way to him. She clutched his wrists so tightly that it hurt, but Naruto did not move to push her away.

"I don't hate you. I don't hate your baby. Please believe that," Ino begged. "Please..."

"I don't hate you, either," Naruto said, staring evenly into her empty eyes. "You weren't wrong. I would have hurt Sasuke if I stayed with him. I would have hurt the baby if I had kept it. It's all my fault."

"No. None of it was your fault; I was wrong. I'm sorry," Ino hoarsely whispered. "I love him so much. He's everything to me. But he didn't love me back. The baby. I wanted it to be mine. I'm so sorry. Stop hating me. Please stop hating me. It hurts. Dark. Blood. I can't breath."

Naruto sighed lightly. He pulled his hands away from Ino's clutch and gently but firmly pulled her into his chest with his free hand. He closed his eyes as Ino sobbed against his shoulder. "Love isn't about possession. True love is that you can be happy when the person you love is happy. That was Sasuke's love for me, and that is my love for him. You were wrong about how you felt about love, but it wasn't your fault that you fell in love and got hurt. It isn't any of our fault. I forgive you."

"You're wrong..." Ino softly said. "That is true love, yes, but it's only one-sided love. Two-sided love is when you're willing to get hurt for the one you love by opening yourself up all the way. That is the love that Sasuke-kun had shown to you. That is the love that you should show Sasuke-kun. And now..."

She pulled away from Naruto. Her eyes were back to normal, soft and calm, and she had a sweet smile upon her face. This was Ino that Naruto knew, Ino whom he had grown up with. She touched his cheeks. "Don't you ever forgive me for this, Naruto... Thank you for everything, and I'm sorry for everything..."

Naruto watched, confused, as he watched Ino making seals. He never saw this arrangement of seals before. But she whispered out the name of the forbidden _jutsu _as she completed the hand movement, and Naruto cried out as he tried to stop her, but it was too late. Ino glowed as all the _chakra _in her body concentrated on one area, and she smiled an angelic smile, a contented smile, and then she exploded in a blinding burst of light.

* * * * *

Sasuke was following a trail. There were footsteps, and smaller footsteps overlapped it. It seemed that the person with smaller feet was stalking the other one, because the former often hid behind trees and bushes. There were occasional arrows etched into the tree trunks, showing the way that the two had walked. He had no idea who had left the arrows, but he was sure the one being stalked was Naruto. Because he felt his heart fluttering heavily at the mere sight of the footsteps. Because the trail had to be Naruto's trail.

Sasuke paused in following the trail when he caught sight of something light brown between the shrubs. He was about to bypass it, thinking it was a rabbit or some other small forest creature, but he stopped and stared at the entity. He kneeled down and picked it up. Naruto the teddy bear. The smiling, tan-colored teddy bear he thought he had lost. But apparently he had merely dropped it in this forest while Gaara carried him to the Hidden Sand. Even though it was muddy, the teddy bear was still there, hope was still there, and Sasuke hastened his steps to follow the trail.

The trail lead deeper and deeper into the forest. Then the forest suddenly started to thin out, and Sasuke was starting to see glittering lake through gaps between colorful tree leaves. Sudden explosion of _chakra_ shook the area, filling the sky with bright yellow light and sending surges of power flying into the air. Strange. If someone used the forbidden _jutsu_, you would expect them to use the _chakra_ on the opponent, not release it into the air and waste it. This looked like a simple suicide for the sake of... dying.

"Naruto," Sasuke muttered, his eyes widened, feeling his heart freeze. "Oh, God, please... No..."

Sasuke stumbled through the last of the trees, tripping over a rock and falling into the lake, the splash of water sending spray of water into the air. Sasuke picked himself up and froze. Naruto was standing in the lake, not even two meters away from him, covered in blood. Drenched in it. He turned his head to look at Sasuke, and Sasuke could have cried with relief. He was not dead. He was not the one who had exploded. He was still alive.

Naruto numbly watched Sasuke as he hurried towards him, then he weakly cried out and started to walk further into the lake, trying to drown himself. Sasuke wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled him against his chest, and Naruto stumbled and fell. The two went down because Naruto's jacket was filled with rocks, because Naruto wanted to die, and Sasuke struggled with Naruto's weight because he would rather drown with Naruto than to let go of him. Sasuke clutched at Naruto's jacket and tugged it, the wet thing wouldn't come off, and he felt his head getting light as his body lost more and more oxygen. Death. He didn't want to die and leave his son alone in this world. But he will die with Naruto. Together, his beloved in his arms, and...

But he felt himself being pulled up, and his head broke the surface of the water and he threw up water, coughing violently, tasting copper in his mouth. White flashes danced behind his eyelids, and his throat felt raw. Sasuke panted and clutched Naruto to his chest, and Naruto was crying, and Sasuke was sure the warm water in his cheeks were not lake water, either. Naruto had shrugged off his jacket, and he snuggled into Sasuke's chest, crying hysterically, only wearing a thin T-shirt. "Don't die, Sasuke," Naruto hoarsely begged. "Please don't die. Please live and be happy. I like you so much. You can't die."

"You... can't die, either," Sasuke murmured. "I don't care if I'm being selfish anymore. I'm not letting you go. You're mine, Naruto... You can't leave me; I don't want to be alone anymore..."

"Sasuke," Naruto sobbed. "Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke... I don't want to be alone... I'm scared, I want you, I want to stay by your side, even if I hurt you, even if I get hurt..."

"Hurt me," Sasuke whispered. "Hurt me, let me hurt you... Just stay by my side, just be with me... We're humans, it's okay if we live on hurting each other..."

Naruto clung to Sasuke's warmth. His eyes slightly widened when he noticed the very wet Sasuke the Bear floating next to Naruto the Bear. A questioning look to Sasuke, a nod, then Naruto curled up more tightly against Sasuke, looking at the teddy bears wonderingly. He reached out to tentatively touch the pair of teddy bears, then buried his head in Sasuke's shoulder again. "I want to live on with you. I don't want to let you go anymore. I want to share my happiness with you."

Sasuke lifted Naruto's head up to look into his eyes. His finger gently rubbed the soft skin on Naruto's chin. "Then let's live on."

Naruto gave Sasuke a watery smile. 

"Okay."

* * * * *

"Grab that pencil!"

"No, grab that toy _kunai_! Go on, take it, Shu-chan!"

Shu gave a weary look to the adults who were nearly fainting with excitement, reached out, and picked up the money. There were collective cheers and groans. 

"He's a money-grubber!" Naruto complained. "Sasuke-chan! Look how practical he is! He takes after you; this is horrible!"

Sasuke, who was grinning with pride, ignored his husband. "Let's cut the cake."

"Don't you like money, too, Naruto?" Iruka teased. Naruto pouted.

"No, not really. I was hoping he'd pick up the _kunai_. Well, at least he didn't pick up the pencil."

"I picked up the pencil when I was doing the picking," Sasuke offered, pausing in middle of giving a slice of cake to Hinata. Naruto rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, I would have guessed. Why did I marry a nerd like you anyway?"

"I don't know. Maybe it's because I make you scream so loudly in bed."

Naruto stared at Sasuke, horrified, while their friends gave catcalls and disgusted sounds. "Uchiha Sasuke! What are you saying in front of Shu-chan?!"

Sasuke glanced at the direction of his son, who was being passed back and forth between Gaara and Shikamaru. Shikamaru was managing to hold onto Shu, but Gaara snatched him away again and glared at Shikamaru. Chouji and Rock were trying their best to stop the two, but to no avail. Shu was giving a dirty look to the adults who were fighting over him. "The secrets of his birth."

"I am way too old for this. I'm out of here," Tsunade muttered. She grabbed Jiraiya's ear and dragged the interested perverted man off, Shizune meekly following the two after offering last congratulatory words. Kakashi, meanwhile, seemed to get quite different ideas, because he clutched Iruka's wrist and wordlessly marched away with a strange glint in his eyes. Apparently this signaled the end of the party(the picking was done after all the food minus the cake was eaten anyway), because one by one Sasuke and Naruto's friends left after bestowing their child with pats, kisses, and gifts. Gaara reluctantly returned Shu to his parents at last, giving the baby a longing look. Shu merely yawned, then snuggled into his father's arms. Shikamaru and Gaara were the last to leave. Sasuke turned to look at Naruto, cradling sleepy Shu in his arms. 

"Naruto."

Naruto looked up from stacking up the gifts. "What?"

Sasuke kneeled down and gave a kiss to Naruto's nose. "Shuichiro is exhausted."

"So? Go tuck him in."

Sasuke moved his lips to Naruto's lips, softly kissing his lips. His voice dropped down an octave, and he tried not to, but he smirked. "Let's work on making Shu's baby sister after he goes to sleep."

Naruto blushed a pretty red color. "Uchiha Sasuke! Stop acting like a perverted old guy! Man, you're starting to act like the perverted hermit!"

Sasuke gave a flurry of kisses on Naruto's cheek. "I can't help it that you're so cute. And we had that mission, so I didn't get to show you how much I love you for the past week..."

"You don't have to show me. I already know," Naruto grumbled. But he turned his head to kiss Sasuke back, giving him little kisses on lips and cheek. "No babies until Shu-chan is at least three, Sasuke-chan. You have that _anbu_ examination to study for, and I want to be a hokage... Nn..." Naruto paused when Sasuke's tongue made its way into his mouth. He gently pushed the intruding tongue away and finished his sentence. "We're not making love if we don't have protection."

Sasuke gave Naruto a triumphant grin, much like a cat who had charmed a saucer of cream out of her owners, and turned to place sleeping Shu in his room. "Oh, that's nice. I just bought a tube of spermicidal lubricant and wanted to try it out. We never tried the kiwi-flavored one, right?"

"Pervert," Naruto repeated. But he grinned back at Sasuke as he started to open some of the gifts. "Hurry back."

Sasuke started to leave, but he paused when he noticed one of the gifts given to Shu. It was a little teddy bear, fuzzy and caramel-colored. It was shyly smiling. Sasuke's eyes drifted to look at Sasuke the Bear and Naruto the Bear sitting companionably together at the corner of the room, then he looked at the baby teddy bear again. He looked down at his son. "Naruto?"

"Yeah?"

"When we conceived Shuichiro... We were pretty dumb back then, right? We were so afraid of having this happiness because we thought it would hurt too much when the happiness was taken away. And... we hurt each other even more when we tried not to hurt each other."

Naruto nodded. "Definitely dumb."

"So..." Sasuke touched Shu's cheek. "From now on, let's never do something like that. Because you're worth any pain you may ever inflict on me on my life, Naruto. When we have the next baby, I want to be by your side and share everything with you. Because... You know. You're the person I like the most in this world."

Naruto looked taken back. His eyes softened. "Sasuke-chan."

"Yes?"

"The lubricant. Don't bring the kiwi one. Bring the strawberry one."

Sasuke stopped stroking Shu's cheek. "...that one's not spermicidal."

Naruto blushed. "I know."

Sasuke paused and stared at Naruto before breaking into another 'cat-with-cream' grin and hurrying away with their first child. Naruto smiled after him, then gave a little kiss on the caramel-colored teddy bear's nose. He stood up and placed the baby bear in front of other two bears, completing the bear family.

Back then, they had suffered a lot because of misunderstandings, because they were too afraid of getting hurt and hurting each other. But they learned that running away never solves anything, because lying to one's own feelings just made them hate themselves more. So from now on, Sasuke and Naruto would trust each other. They would hurt each other and get hurt in return, because they're humans. Because humans can't help but hurting others. But they will also love each other, and that love will soothe over the pains and scars, and the passage of time will sparkle brilliantly because they would believe in each other.

And the two will believe in that sparkle.

* * * * *

__

Hi, this is Shu. I am five. Mr. Sun is sparkly today. Mommy calls Daddy pervert. Daddy won't tell Shu what pervert means. I play with my friends. Daddy is an anbu_ member and he has lots of _kunai_. Shu is a big boy and Daddy says he'll give me a _kunai_ if I'm good. Shu will be good. Shu will become a hokage like Mommy when Shu grows up, so Shu needs to practice with _kunai_. Bye bye, Diary._

* * * * *

The End

Thank you for reading this story. You are surely a sparkle, too. And even though I was weak and pitiful in the past, I will stand up straight and walk on from now on, because I will also believe in the sparkle of future that lights up the passage of time. 

-Shiroi Hane, 3/18/2004-


End file.
